justjo

Wanting some opinions here please. If you know that another 'a' is taking advantage of your AS would you step in? Or just leave them to it. She is so vulnerable and drunk most of the time, runs out of money and by the way she uses him for money too. He makes her think he is rescueing her and buys food, booze what ever she wants and I know he does this just for sex. I worry myself sick of what may be happening. She hasnt even know him that long and met him in a rehab centre. I know she is the adult and she lets him in there but she is not of stable mind. I have voiced my opinion to him and as far as he is concerned he will keep seeing her as long as she lets him.

Pilgrim

I am Stephanie and I am a recovering alcoholic and codie. We do that stuff until we can't do it any more for one reason or another. Do you think that if you step in, he will go away and she will be happy ? She will find a replacement rescuer. I may be wrong but my advice would be to say your piece once with love and no judgement and then leave them to their little alcoholic dance. They are where they want to be. Hard to believe but it's true. I will pray for you both and you have all my support and sympathy. It is difficult to watch isn't it? Please try not to worry about things that you can't change - otherwise we will all have to worry about you too!!

justjo

Thankyou Stephanie. Your words mean alot to me. I guess I just hate seeing her being taken advantage of and especially in the state of mind she is in. I just worry that he may hurt her as she had told me once he got really nasty with her. I know I cant do anything about it and it is up to her. I know I am not suppose to try and control anything in her life right now but I would protect her anyway I could. I guess I wanted to know what everyone thought about getting rid of him.

guineapigjude

My AH left us to live with a woman who has her own agenda with him. It killed me at first to see what was happening, but the more I tried to "tell" him, the more he let me know I was the problem and she was his savior. I even tried to reason with the woman, which just gave her fuel to add to the fire he had raging against me. It's very hard to watch from the outside, sober and straight, knowing what he's doing to himself, but my "solution" has been to watch as little as possible. Right now she's saying/doing what his addictions need ~ if he wanted my sort of rescuing (as in helping him to get into recovery) he would've stayed. So I guess I'm trying to say that it sounds to me like the more you try and turn her away from him, the more she'll turn to his kind of "support". Detaching is easier said than done, though ~ I know! I'll be thinking of you.

WantsOut

In nature there is what is called a symbiotic relationship - when two organisims use each other to get something they need. Essentially both organisms are parasites, but if they are both "using" each other, then it called "symbiotic".

Sounds like a symbiotic relationship to me and it will go on until one of the parasites no longer gets what it needs and goes on to another host, or it learns to fulfill its own needs.

Now I profoundly apologize for refering to your ex as a parasite It's just the way I express the way I see this sort of interaction.

SaTiT

if i was strong and working sometype of a codi recovery program
or if I was close to the program...of course not.. i wouldn't step in.

having said that...i stepped in so damn times..it only prolong
the process of her hitting bottom so she can get well.
and it bascially drove me insane.

bascially if there was a candle ( light)..everytime I step in
I block her veiw of the light....all she saw my shadow or
she was in darkness.

there's an old slogon in an AA meeting bullitine board.
I sat at that table everyday and staired at that sign..
hoping it would click in for me somehow.
I wasn't stupid....I just wasn't will.
It say....." trun it over and get out of the way"

loveRoy

Satit, thank you. I needed your post.

Mr. Christian

As far as this goes you say and do nothing.

Otherwise, how are YOU doing?

denny57

(((justjo))) I'm sorry you have to watch your sister go through this. I agree, if you "eliminate" the one from her life, another will appear. Only time has given me the ability to enjoy my life without constant worry over an alcoholic. Stay proactive in your own recovery and I hope it happens for you, too.

Pilgrim

Just a reminder Justjo. The unstable mind is just one part of being an alcoholic. She isn't unstable plus alcoholic - they go hand in hand. Alcoholic = insanity if still drinking or obsessing. Now if she is worried and scared and asks for help.....let us at him!!! I'll be the first out there with a pitchfork right beside you.

justjo

WOW I think there must be a higher power. After worrying about her for days and if she was alright I received a phone call today. It was my sisters ex. He wanted to know if I had heard from her. Apparently she rang him today out of it and crying that her drinking bud had dumped her. He told her he was going back to his ex and he was only using her for s.x
I hope she learns from this for her own sake. I was going to call her tonight but I decided not to because I couldnt be bothered with the emotional trauma and I probably would of said something I shouldnt.
Thanks for all your love.
Justjo