I am scared and confused and need help

Old 06-09-2007, 06:06 PM
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I am scared and confused and need help

I have and xgf who I truly loved and cared about. My drinking took a toll on us and we are no longer together. She has put a final restraining oder against me and i started my recovery right after that. I was done with her and she stated to come looking for me. I know I should have not came back to her but I did.

Now we were haveing contact with each other and I started to go back to my old behavior not drinking but the way i was when i was drinking. So my actions got me put in jail for a little while. When i went into jail i was angry at first at her then realized that it was me who put me there and not her. So i started a new life started back to my aa meetings and seeking couseling. I have meet some women and men that i talk to and do things with. My confusion is that this xgf even thou she is dating someone has a very big problem with me going out and hanging out with females. That all i am looking for is a sex life. This is so far from the truth. I know first that a relationship would not work right now. But this xgf persists that I am going out with these females for sex and out drinking.can anybody please give some opinion I why this girl who has moved on cares so much? i am also dealing with the problem this person has told me that she still loves me and cares for me. Why? When all she does if we talk is say i quack and wont let me get in a word.

Iam scared that this person will be at my court date coming this week. I have a four year old son that I am scared that i will not be able to see cause there is a possibility that I may go back to jail. This really scares me! i will miss him alot, but if that is the case i am prepaired to take responsibility for my actions. My attorney tells me not to worry but I do and sometimes it just consumes me. i go to my meetins and feel better but when i am sitting home The thoughts come back. Does anybody have advice or opinions to try not to worry so much about this up coming date? i read my self help books talk to my sponsor and my friends but nothing works. I dont want to relapse cause this would be a very very bad thing. I am lost and very scared.
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Old 06-09-2007, 06:12 PM
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Hi shemp

You say you're going to meetings; have you gotten a sponsor yet? Perhaps starting to work the steps will help.

No advice really on what your xgf may be thinking, as I gave up trying to figure out other people's thoughts once I started my own recovery LOL!

Keep posting - support always helps me with the anxiety.

((()))
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Old 06-09-2007, 06:55 PM
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hi shemp and welcome first, congrats on your sobriety and beginning recovery!!!
we have some very good recovering alcoholics that post on this site who i am sure will probably be along to help and guide you. if you haven't already check out the alcoholism board to for even more support. they might be able to provide you some more good insight into what you are dealing with.

has your xgf started any recovery of her own such as alanon? or anything to help educate or support her? from what you have stated it seems that she loves you or cares about you and that you feel the same, but you both need time in recovery.

the family and friends of alcohilics become just as sick as the alcoholic themselves and need support and recovery of their own. you will here a lot about co dependency here which is something that a lot here suffer with. she may also have a lot of fear and uncertianty right now as things are changing. this could be some possible explainations.

i think the best you can do right now for yourself and her is make sure you are doing everything you can for your own recovery. i think the rest will fall into place.

take care. others will be along with understanding and advice.
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Old 06-09-2007, 10:49 PM
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Welcome, shemp. You sound like a good guy who made some bad decisions. You also sound like you are standing up to the plate like a man and accepting life on life's terms. It's natural to be worried about the court date, but when you find yourself worrying, take a minute to step back and ask yourself, "What do I get out of worrying about something that is beyond my control?" Just keep in mind that you are moving in the right direction.

As far as your ex goes, she's probably venting all the pent-up anger she had when you were drinking. When my AH got sober last time 'round - and I thought he was gonna make it - I was not very nice to him on several occasions. I kept wondering why I was acting like such a jerk and getting so snippy with him. I think I had it in the back of my mind that once he was sober for over a month, I'd let him know what hell he'd put me through. Bad idea on my part and a sign of how sick I was.

You sound like an A who is going to make it. You admitted you messed up and are willing to take the consequences. The judge may very well take into account the fact that you are sincere about cleaning up your act and be lenient.
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