kglast

I am so STUPID!!!!!!!!!!! I have been doing so well....and tonight I feel like someone is wringing my insides out....it hurts so bad.....I am sick of being strong....I miss him so much I feel like I will die....I actually blocked my number and called his cell.....he just kept saying hello....can you please talk....and of course I couldn't say anything....what else is there to say???? I just miss him so much....maybe I am overdue for a REALLY bad night....but I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!! IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!! I HATE ALCOHOLISM AND I JUST WANT MY SWEET LOVING MAN BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG, I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE!!!!!!!

MsGolightly

kg! it's all going to be okay. maybe if you get a good night of sleep, you'll feel better tomorrow.

i know what that feels like. there was a time i just laid on the floor in my bathroom and cried for what seemed like hours. when i finally decided to pick myself up off the floor, i didn't feel any better, but the next day i sure did.

i'm so sorry you're going through this.

prodigal

No, life isn't fair. I think all of us have felt the rage and tremendous hurt and frustration of losing someone we love to alcohol. The death of our dreams is, in my opinion, as awful as the pain over the loss of life itself. I'm not going to offer you any advice on how to cope with this, how to detach, or what to do. I've been through this myself and it just plain stinks. I remember being in so much emotional pain and turmoil, I'd just sit around (not working at the time) watching morning reruns on t.v. and chain smoking. It took me half the day just to get out of my pajamas and take a shower. Nobody could take my pain away from me because I owned it and had to work my way through it.

Keep venting or doing whatever you feel is necessary to get over this rough hump. (((kglast)))

P.S. - Well, the codie in me can't resist giving you one piece of advice - quit beating up on yourself. You are NOT stupid, okay?

guineapigjude

Hope today is a better day for you. Be good to yourself . And to offer my two cents as the wife of an alcoholic, you deserve to get mad sometimes. It ISN'T fair.

hopeangel

((((kglast))))

loveRoy

You are not stupid. I know the pain, have been on the floor. Today, try to stay busy. We are here for you.

mallowcup

Do you miss him or do you miss feeling purpose? Do you long for love or do you long for him? No one knows better then you the depth of your pain. He is not willing to spare you this pain. He is allowing you to hurt this deeply.

CE Girl

((((KG)))))

How you doin today?

Ya, New England is FULL of "stupid" today. I feel your pain. Going through the same thing, just want my man and NORMAL!!

Ten minute rule, ten minute rule, ten minute rule,

For about 24 hours now,,,LOL

Got the cleanest house, hot oiled my hair, brushed the cats, cleaned the cars, my goodness them ten minutes added up to a LOT of productivity!!!

I'd say what we're doing is not STUPID at all,,

In fact, theres a lot of INTELLIGENCE and LOVE up here in NE!!!

Peace

kglast

Thanks all....I am OK, not great....

you know, when he answered the phone last night, he was NOT drunk...no music on, quiet in the background...i think i actually woke him. i think that is what killed me more....it was really HIM...not drunken ahole him. i dared to have hope that he was actually stopping....and that is who i miss - terribly....

so, in my hysterical state, i came here....typing through my tears....and then saw FD's post about Richard....so, so sad....and then panic that that would happen to my A. so many feelings...

and CE - i seem to be in the opposite place as you right now - i can't get motivated to clean anything.....and of course, it is bothering me so badly that i haven't been keeping up with the house....it seems so overwhelming right now....seriously, if i had the cash, i would hire someone to come in and do it! i read somwhere recently - maybe on this site, that someone was going to start naming their dust bunnies...HA

CE Girl

So start namin em!!! he,he,he,,,,And DON'T clean the house. But DO something for YOU.

I find if I sit on the pity pot to long, I get a ring around my arse

Am I making any sense?!?!?

Peace
PS I don't think ONE of us did not personalize FD's story. It a very COLD, HARSH, reality. But instead of focusing on what happened to Richard, I prefer to see the core that shined through FD. Amazing strength, courage, and HOPE because she is still with us,,,,FD is my HERO right now. She knows how to love

parentrecovers

you're not stupid. addiction hurts everyone involved. be good to yourself and patient and diligent in your recovery. blessings, k

guineapigjude

Hmmm. I'm in New England, too. Is there something in the water?!

kglast

i think there are a lot of us here in NE - maybe we should all meet up some time in a central location! would be fun to actually meet eachother!

guineapigjude

I've thought that, too. I know CE Girl lives about 20 miles from me, and there's been some others I've thought must be close. We should start a NE Codie Club! LOL

kglast

HA! I am in MA too....southcoast - btwn New Bedford and the Canal....

guineapigjude

Cape Ann here, soon to be near Salem...

Bjen

I'm in South Dakota, feeling left out HA

kglast

Come on out and join us B!!!

guineapigjude

Hey, I was hoping we'd get someone from South Dakota to join! We'll make you a satellite member! LOL

reader

I am near VT~~~~ I could get there!!