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blessing in disguise?

Old 06-08-2007, 09:04 PM
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Unhappy blessing in disguise?

After reading a few heartfelt posts today, I broke no contact with my ex.
I called to invite him to lunch tomorrow. I wanted to see him, give him a hug, and just make amends. He is a good man with a disease I can't do anything about. I just really miss my friend. I've been so strong for months, but my heart won today.

He agreed to meet and gave me a time and place. He just called back and cancelled.
Maybe it's a blessing in disguise? I'll be ok. I'm just disappointed and a little weak tonight.
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Old 06-08-2007, 09:23 PM
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Aztchr, I understand how you feel. I broke no contact and found out my AH is MIA.

Blessing in disquise? Maybe so. But it hurts like Day 1 all over again.

Thinking about you!

((((Aztchr))))
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Old 06-08-2007, 09:26 PM
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It's not hurting as much as it used to, though. So that's a good sign.
I'm trying to look at the situation from another perspective.
I guess now I'll just have more ME time tomorrow. I'm still going out for lunch.
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Old 06-08-2007, 09:27 PM
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That's great!!!

Have fun!
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Old 06-08-2007, 10:05 PM
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az, it probably is a blessing in disguise. i'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. who knows what could have happened when you met up with him ... you could have even ended up on worse terms than you are now! you could have fought the whole time... perhaps it was your HP's sign that now isn't the time that that hug or conversation is going to matter to him... but it might later.
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Old 06-09-2007, 04:28 AM
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Wow az, you rock! Great job putting things in perspective. Hope you have a super "me" day. You deserve it.
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Old 06-09-2007, 05:21 AM
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hey azt, you got it exactly right. almost everyday my ah says or does something that confirms to me that what i am doing it the right thing and it gives me the strength to keep going.

your doing great! you got the right attitude for sure
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Old 06-09-2007, 06:24 AM
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Originally Posted by aztchr View Post
After reading a few heartfelt posts today, I broke no contact with my ex.
Yeah... sometimes a certain type of post will get you thinking. But I believe once it's gotten that far, no contact w/ an active addict is truly the most humane thing you can do.

Funny how karma stepped in and changed plans. Probably because your motive for doing so was clouded by emotion? Examining my motives was one of the most valuable lessons I learned from this whole experience.
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Old 06-09-2007, 04:42 PM
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i have been so tempted to see mine too.....but i am afraid i would just be setting myself up for hurt all over again..
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Old 06-09-2007, 06:08 PM
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Originally Posted by kglast View Post
i have been so tempted to see mine too.....but i am afraid i would just be setting myself up for hurt all over again..
KG, Can I just say DON'T DO IT! I broke no contact and suddenly I was right back where I started. I wished I had never done it!! I was so surprised at how quickly the feelings of doubt and fear and anxiety took back over. I didn't even know I was doing okay until I broke no contact...now I'm in pain all over again.
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Old 06-10-2007, 08:55 PM
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I remember breaking the no contact thing many times. Believing, hoping, wishing, etc that things would have gotten better. I remember also breaking that no contact for my own selfish reasons - I wanted to see him, I needed to see him, I missed him, etc. but looking back now, I know that I caused myself a whole lot of grief that I could have spared myself if only I'd not broken that contact. Then again, I suppose it was in breaking that where I came to keep seeing and being reminded that it really was better for me in the long run to remain in no contact mode.

Perhaps you can see this not only as a blessing in disguise (which I believe it is), but also maybe stop to think that maybe somehow your HP is stepping into protect you. Again, another blessing.

Yes, it hurts. But doesn't this hurt a little less than living in that dramatic chaotic state of constant contact with him? Do you remember what that was like?

PIck yourself back up and brush off - and get back to recovery. YOUR recovery!

It's okay that you slipped - it's now up to you how you choose to handle that slip.
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Old 06-11-2007, 05:32 AM
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Originally Posted by aztchr View Post
He agreed to meet and gave me a time and place. He just called back and cancelled.

Heh - typical

And you didn't even have to meet him to get a taste of the "old life". Saved you the time
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Old 06-11-2007, 01:04 PM
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Yes, the motive was selfish--wanted to check on him, but it doesn't make a difference what I do toward him. It did remind me of why I left, though. I can offer myself so much more!
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