6/7 Language of Letting Go
 

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Into Orbit

It doesn't matter if they're hurting themselves. It doesn't matter that we could help them if they'd only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER.
--Codependent No More

I think I can change him. Nobody's ever really loved him and appreciated him before. I'll be the one to do that, and then he'll change. . . . She's never been with anybody trustworthy before. I'll prove how trustworthy I am, and then she'll be able to love. . . . Nobody's been able to get to her, to conquer her, before. I'll be the one to do that. . . . Nobody's ever really given him a chance. . . . Nobody's ever really believed in him before. . . .

These are warning signs. Red lights. Red flags. In fact, if we're thinking these thoughts, they need to be stop signs.

If we have gotten hooked into believing that somehow we will be the one who will make the difference in someone's life, if we are trying to prove how good we can be for someone, we may be in trouble.

This is a game. A deception. It won't work. It'll make us crazy. We can trust that. We're not seeing things clearly. Something's going on with us. t will be self-defeating.

We may be "the one" all right - the one to wind up victimized.

The whole thought pattern reeks of codependency, of not being responsible for oneself, and of victimization. Each person needs to do his or her own work.

Nobody in the past has really understood him. . . . Nobody has seen what I see in her. . . . It's a set up. It sets us up to stop paying attention to ourselves while we focus too much on the other person. It takes us away from our path and often puts us in orbit.

Nobody has appreciated him enough. . . . Nobody has been good enough to her, or done for her what I can do. . . . It's a rescue. It's a game move, a game we don't have to play. We don't have to prove we're the one. If we're out to show people we're the best thing that ever happened to them, it may be time to see if they're the best thing that ever happened to us.

We have not been appointed as guardian angel, godmother, godfather, or "the one who will."

The help, support, and encouragement that truly benefits others and ourselves emerges naturally. Let it.

God, help me let go of my need to meet dysfunctional challenges in my relationships.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

The best will find us when we least expect or try to control it.

Thanks for posting today.

Aztchr ... I needed to hear that today.

Thank you

You're welcome!
I actually meant to say when we least expect it or when we stop trying to control it. :)

I'm also waiting, for this ~

they're the best thing that ever happened to Us.

I don't know much about good relationships... but I would think, that they start with the idea that each person enhances the other person's life. Without that, someone is living their life shortchanged.

Gosh, I'm glad this thought was reaffirmed for me today. It wasn't that long ago that I hit my emotional bottom with my ex Abf. One day it hit me....I'm good enough...I been the best I've ever been and I've tried harder than I EVER have. This is not my fault. I've done my damndest. He doesn't get it and I don't get him. It's over. It just simply doesn't work...we don't work. He doesn't love me and that's okay. He is not capable. I suspect I knew that in my head for awhile but one day...one golden day..my heart and soul truly digested that. He isn't "the one" and nor am I. I can't fix it. I can't love him enough or be good enough etc. It's not about that. The answer is "NO" in this situation...just move on. That's what hit me. But man.......it sure took long enough : )

Took me awhile to come to realize that, too. Took the time it needed. I wouldn't have been ready any time before.

Even if my ex stopped drinking, I truly think we were just too different for a relationship to last. The issues I work through each day would still have been there.