This might sound sick but....
 

Have any of you taken advantage of your A's when they were drunk?
I was thinking about this and I SO have..
When mine was drinking sex was soooooooooo good.
When mine was drinking it was easier to get him to buy me and the kids stuff, stuff we didn't need. and I would always tell the kids, "I'm not sure if you can have it call your Dad' knowing he would say yes.
I'm a bad bad person.
When he was passed out sometimes I would take the kids to there Aunts house and go out with the girls and have a great time.. I would even take my wedding ring off.
I'm a bad bad person, but now that he is gone, WEEEEEEEEEEE, I'm having even more fun!

Kermmie, you crack me up!!

I totally used my A for sex when he was drunk. It was too good and I deserved it for puttin' up with him.

Girl, have all the fun you can!!! Enjoy your life and don't give guilt another thought!!

:)

I feel badly (almost) when my A was and is feeling guilty and showering me with nice things.....but I'm getting over it! :)

I don't "do" anything to "trick him" or take advantage, just accept on MY terms.

My AH was/is mean and angry when he drinks (and was passed out or impotent ;))....when he felt (feels) badly about his behavior he acts the wy a loved one SHOULD and he once did act consistently. I enjoy it,the kids enjoy it (although I think one does manipulate it and I have reminded him that is wrong to do to a sick person) and exAH seems to feel better,too.

Really; it's sad, isn't it?

my ah will freely hand out money when he is drunk ;) i deserve it and put it to good use ;)

This is too funny!!! It seems they're all the same!!! My RAH was very very generous when drunk. If the kids (grown) asked him for $5 he'd say "no, you need more than that, here's $20" but when sober, if they asked for 50 cents he'd say "what do you do with all your money?" I could get whatever I wanted when he was drunk, and I'd come home with a bunch of stuff that I charged, go jewelry shopping with him when he was drunk, etc. and when the bill came in, he'd ask what I got, I'd kinda tell him and tell him that he said I could get all that and he'd pay the bill. He never questioned it and just paid the bills. That was the only good part about his drinking. Oh, and the sex - almost everyone here says the sex was sooooo good.

I don't know whether it was drink-specific that I took advantage of him, but I sure did. Without realising, I learnt to manipulate the hell out of the situation. I was so feeble at it, especially seeing as I had a Grand Master teaching me.

I am not proud of any of it, though. It always felt grubby to engage in that kind of points scoring exercise.

You gotta be kiddin' me? :-) Haven't any of you ever had your A pass out on top of you, after not being able to maintain an erect_ _ _ _ for any amount of time? I'll admit that when we first met and were married drunk sex was very good, but in the final years it got to be a chore for her, pretty much anything I did disgusted my ex anyway.

Yes, I was definitely more generous when I'd been drinking. She knew it and used it to her advantage, and to be honest I thought it was cute and funny anyway. We'd drink and buy stuff like canoes and new bicycles.

Oh Hell Kermit you had to go and bring this up huh!!!! Your human not a bad person.

Yep I was the worse at taking advantage of my alcoholic .... Only one of them was very good in bed when drunk... but well yea, I did enjoy that but mostly I would enjoy the day after, using the guilt against them and I have to agree the way they would treat me SO good when they felt guilty....

That is the way they should be all the time and I held so many resentments about that for soooooo long that I would milk it for all it was worth. Not nice I know....

Im feeling much better today though and I do not nor do I have a desire to manupliate, take advantage of or play games with a partner ..... I know for sure what a sick relationship looks like, today I want as healthy a relationship as I can and I dont want to use anything to get what I "should have" or to treat me the way I "should" be treated. How sick was that!!!!

Geeeezzzzz that made being single look pretty darn good ... HA!

I had to make amends for disrespecting the person.

ok, I'm bucking the trend here, but My A SUCKED when he was drunk. Couldn't get it up, keep it up, or even FIND it half the time. And frankly, I was not interested in making love when I knew he wouldn't remember it the next day!!!!

And another thing, when he was sober, he sucked,,lol

Geez, I'm wondering what I DID like about him

I never tried to get anything else outta him. Frankly, he didn't have it to give.

flowers

I'd get flowers when he was drunk

Got to the point I couldn't stand the damn flowers

Peace

You know, I am still quite scarred from the whole sex thing with R.

In the beginning, he was unbelievably attentive, yet the issue was "overexcitement". In the middle, the issue was that he was ********, which I take to be an alcohol issue.

But the biggest problem we had was that I see sex as an extension of the relationship outside the bedroom, so when there was no intimacy outside, there was no desire for me. For him, sexual rejection was a rejection of self, so we had a lose/lose situation. His first post on SR was about having more sex.

Take it from a guy who started drinking long before he started dating- Sober sex is waaaaaaayyyyyyy better than drunk sex.

Minnie sums up my experience well.
I dont want to be physically intimate with someone whom I am not feeling connected with.
Living with a partner who was in active addiction and even dry drunking left a big disconnect. I did not even want to be around him, much less be intimate physically with him.
Sex is personal to me. Although it has not always been, it is now and has been for a while. I cant muster up the desire to go there with someone I'm disgusted by.
I would much much rather be intimate with myself.

That explains a lot, thank you. Yeah, guys take it personally when we're rejected.

So I'm not totaly crazy , women do - do that. I suspected, but my thinking was so off I couldn't be sure.

GP, foreplay starts with doing the dishes. Not many men understand this.

(That was just an example. Not a very feminist one, but an example all the same)

I think Sex should be the end result of making love all day long. I too have not always thought that way but I have found that If I cant have that connection with him today I might as well have been in it alone... Does not give me much and I feel used.

No your not crazy, I would do almost anything to have that closeness to him... for him to just pay attention to me in a way that I felt loved. Yes I know today that is not love but then it was the only Love I knew and I desperately wanted to be Loved.

Actually, sex was the last thing on my mind when M was drunk. The best love making ever is sober. And it could easily start in the kitchen cooking together and ending up with the bed a wreck :)

And then there's bath time... *shivers*

That was the "good" stuff? Go find you a good mature man comfortable in his own skin that you "click" with in the intimacy department. You'll think differently I promise ;)

Then post lots of details!

We've spoken about this before Jazz, but I still can't have a bath even on my own.

Baths either meant a) he ran one for me to have so that I was out of the way and he could get topped up with booze without me there or b) a prelude to sex. There was no enjoyment for its own sake.

Perhaps that's a man woman thing, rather than a drunk/non-drunk thing. I just don't like feeling set up so that if it is all I want at the time, then I am being rejecting. Actually, I think I was always being set up to reject him. I think that's what he felt most comfortable with.

Anyone need a cold shower? :-)

For the record, and this is my experience only, there's one thing I've felt that's better than making love or having sex sober. That's being able to just hold someone special in your arms, and to actually feel the emotions of loving that person.

I've only had that experience once in sobriety, and it's still the most amazing feeling I've ever had in my life. I certainly couldn't feel that when I was drunk.

Sorry if I got a little OT, kermit. Didn't mean to hijack.