kermit

Jazzman, I can't wait to see how good that would be. I promise I will post lots of details.
I have no idea why I made this post but I'm glad I did. I relly enjoyed all the replys, I even laughed a little.
Minnie, your the bomb!

Pick-a-name

That sounds more like the way it was at my house.....

Oh, and that was somehow "my fault",too....(our marrige counselor told us!) ???

minnie

Oh, yeah, according to R, his counsellor said that he wasn't an alcoholic and that it was my fault we weren't having sex (I was being cruel!) and that I obviously had some major issues about it. I think her psychic powers were a bit off given that I had never met her.

Anyone wonder why I think he had no conscience. Can anyone here imagine coming home and spouting that little bunch of lies to your partner? If you can, you ARE/WERE sick!

CE Girl

BINGO Astro!!! I HAVE had that before in my life and frankly, is one of the MAJOR reasons I've decided to let my A go. I've been able to come to terms with most of what I would have to live with, but I can't IMAGINE my life without THAT!! And you know what else? I'm comfortable enough in ME now that I'm just cocky enough to think I can have it TWICE!!

And ya, Minnie, whats up with the freakin BATH?!?!? My A use to say, CE Girl, I'll draw you a bath,,Ummmmmmmmm,,,,I take showers EVERY day, (sometimes twice) do I stink or something?!?!?!

Peace

minnie

I reckon it was because it was noisy to get out of, so he had plenty of time to hide the booze. Or get off the phone, as most of this was in the early days when, I now know, he was playing me off against his estranged wife. (In my defence, I had NO clue at the time - there is no way I would knowingly be in that situation.)

Cynical, moi?

Astro

Yeah, I always headed for the liquor cabinet when I heard the bath running. Looking back she was most likely doing it to get away from me and relax too.

Twice CE?? How about as many times as you want? You go girl!

Cynay

Astro you are right..... that is the most amazing feeling in the world... it ranks right up there with holding your child for the first time.

Unfortunally for me it does not happen often that my relationship is that close or the fit is that perfect.... thanks for the reminder of what a gift that truely is.

CE Girl

I think mine wanted me in there so he could DROWN me Minnie,,,,he,he,he,,,,

He always would say I needed to "relax" cause I was TWEEKING he was drunk

You reminded me of something. It's funny now, but boy remembering the feeling I had then is weird,,,

My A used to hide is bottles all over the place. And he was good, not the usual places. I rarely found them. But, we'd "dance" around the house, both inside and out. I'd be in the kitchen cooking, leaving him in front of the news, when I went to look for him, he'd be nowher earound, soon coming in from outside, I'd go back to the kitche, go looking for him again in the bedroom where he was last on the puter, and he'd come in the garage door, round and round we go, dozy doo!!! I can't BELEIVE that was me,,,LOL

I'm native american. We were taught to leave some for the rest of you people

Peace

EDIT: See Cynay needs some!!

leenymclaugh

Ok, still new to group here and don't post all that much, but this is a topic that is rarely talked about at meetings (wonder why, eh?). My A, who is self-detoxing even as I type, has such a hang up when drinking about sex. He NEEDS sex EVERY DAY when drinking and I would suspect it's for validation that I love him because he knows I don't like him much when drinking. Thank God for Al-Anon and the fact that I don't have to give in now. Doesn't mean I still don't lie there and pray that he falls aslee/passes out BEFORE he tries to start anything. UGH!! I've tried explaining to him a zillion times that I DON"T WANT TO HAVE SEX W/A DRUNK PERSON!!! I can't stand it!! Booze smeel oozing out the pores; Mr. Winky not wanting to stay up, but he wanting it too...and when we used to actually do something...it would take FOR-FREAKING-EVER!!! Not good. And I would let it go on. Talk about insanity...doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting different results. Thank God for this post....I can really see that it's NOT just me who feels sex w/a drunk person isn't good. And Thank You All for Sharing!!!!
Hugs,
Eileen

StandingStrong

Hmm......I've struggled with coming up with any examples of how I took advantage of my A. And finally, I thought of something - though it may not seem the typical answer.
I took advantage of him having "messed up/making me angry/broken another promise/etc" - by using it to my advantage in the area of making him feel like dirt!

In hindsite, I realize that I was only stooping to his level, but back then, it gave me an excuse to show off my superiority.
(Yea, I know, that sounds horrible, but it's the truth) And I thought I was so righteous! Good grief!

5Stars

I think for some of us it was good because our A was in a good mood. Got what HE wanted so was aiming to please me.
My A was in great spirits when he was drinking.. It served as some sort of motivation to "get the party started"
He was down to do anything from cleaning house, washing cars (he loved being outside and drinking, must of been that hidden stash) yard work, and I could even convince him to go shopping with me.
I definately took advantage! Back rubs, housework, you name it.

I have to note that not everytime was like this, I have sure had my share of the sex that goes FOR-FREAKING-EVER, the impotence, the "let me run you a bath" ect.

And the some of the most cruel ways I took advantage are:

1) I blasted the heater one night on our 3 hour drive home laughing as he sweated his a$$ off all the way home. He would waking up ever so often with that stupid blank stare wondering what was going on.
2) I took a marker and wrote a$$hole, drunk, ect all over his body after he passed out on the bed, took pictures and sent them to his family
3) I have "accidently" kicked him, dropped things on him, stole his blankets, pushed him nearly off the bed, ect.

Oh I could go on and on..

Live

I did as Standing Strong said, took the goody-two shoes I am better attitude.
I failed to see him and treat him as a human being deserving full respect.

I did make amends to him.

I did some other really crazy stuff but not in the taking advantage category. I was acting out.

LaTeeDa

This thread has really got me thinking. I, too, did the self-righteous act. Not just with my A, but with others in my life. Part of my sickness.

About the sex. I think that in order to be truly intimate with someone, you have to let go. To be totally yourself and not be thinking about how you look, how you sound, etc. Maybe those times when it seemed really good (and I've experienced both really good and really bad) was when the other person was uninhibited enough due to the alcohol to let go. I know I craved that intimate connection so much that I really wanted to believe I had it. I was disappointed more times than not. But, there were those few times that it was there. I suppose that's what kept me hanging on. Or part of it, anyway. The 'last straw' in my marriage was actually an incident involving physical intimacy where I realized that it just wasn't there anymore.

I know now that I don't need to have a buzz to 'let go' and I don't want to be with someone who needs artificial means to do so either. The connection is there without any inhibition inhibitor, or it's not. And when it is, there is nothing that compares......

Mind, body and soul.

L

WantsOut

Mine always felt so guilty he'd do whatever I wanted when he was sober. I never left the house ... he ran all the errands and took care of any calls I didn't want to make, that sort of thing. I used him as a shield.

Astro

Priceless. I would've deserved that, but thank God she never thought of that one. Lol

Astro

Oh yeah, I know this one well. I'd have a bottle hidden in the truck and one in the backyard. Since we had seven exterior doors it was easy to keep the dance going. Sorta like the Pirates ride at Disneyland where the men are chasing the women around the house. Maybe that's why I felt so fit and healthy then, I was getting my exercise;-)

elizabeth1979

Wow. This really got me. This is dead on.
I just had an epiphany.
I used my ex as a shield from attention. As long as I was with him, I wouldnt be afraid of not being desireable to a man, other men that is. Wow, this is food for thought for me, for anotherday, another thread.
Not feeling desireable has been a lifelong issue for me.

Thanks for saying this. While i dont think you meant it the way I did, that got me thinking.

GlassPrisoner

And the sad part is I was proud of my "stamina".......

citygirl3

LMAO.

Is it "taking advantage" of him, if HE is the one who crawls into bed, wakes me up, and offers to perform various and sundry sexual favors...?

This is what happens when my bf is too drunk to uh, get it up. For some reason, when he is in this situation, he feels compelled to try to induce multiple orgasms in me. Sometimes he actually succeeds...except for those oh-so-frustrating times when I am about 5 seconds from "the big O" and he is suddenly snoring! Argh! And...is there an easy way to get a 200-pound man off of you???

I much prefer sex when he is sober. I swear, this guy could hammer nails into a board without using his hands, when he is sober. And he can reach that state about every 2 hours or so... He's amazing. OK, OK, and I think he's hot as hell...even after 2 years together.

As far as money goes, I can honestly say I've never taken advantage of his generosity in that manner. He is naturally generous, and his take on things is that if he is "flush" he uses the cash on people he loves. He does buy me things, but he doesn't go shopping while drunk (though in the internet day and age, this is certainly possible). And the guilt I would feel about taking advantage of somebody--ANYBODY--in this way, would far outweigh any pleasure I would gain from it.

dobiediva

Ditto! Mine was exactly the same way, which was GREAT in the beginning. After awhile tho' he couldn't figure out that when he is drunk I wanted nothing to do with him so it was wasted energy. Besides, what makes him think I would be interested in a sex marathon (and I DO mean MARATHON! We're talking HOURS!!) when I have to get up in a couple hours and I'm already angry with him for coming home drunk in the first place?! It would aggravate me because then the next day he would be WORTHLESS to me in EVERY "department" and have an attitude because I turned him down. I always told him I would never turn him down sober (and I never had to--he would normally be snoring the second his head hit the pillow from being hung over!)