Had To Do It

Old 06-01-2007, 03:11 PM
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Had To Do It

Ok, I sent him a letter today. But I did it for ME. I kept going round and round in my head wondering if I had made my boundary and the reason for it clear - it was driving me INSANE. It was short, unemotional and to the point. The basic gist is this : it is your right to continue to drink - your life - your choice - but I also have choices - and if you continue to choose to drink - I won't be involved in your life in any way. My choice. You can have booze in your life or me in your life. You can't have both. It is not healthy for either one of us.Stated that IF and WHEN he chooses to stop drinking for HIM, and is actively participating in a recovery program, we can talk. I ended the letter saying that I love him very much and I will always pray for him.

I have to say, I feel very good about sending the letter. I feel like now it is finally really over. I won't be wondering any more if he really knows how I feel. I am glad for ME that I wrote and mailed it.

Onward and upward. Going out with one of my girlfriends tonight to a little place by the ocean for a few cocktails and to listen to some music and unwind.
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Old 06-01-2007, 03:24 PM
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Glad you feel better, now enjoy your evening out!
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Old 06-01-2007, 03:29 PM
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Im happy for you too . sounds like closure . I hate when things are left open ended and you are never sure you got your point across . I never feel like my ah understands the severity of anything .
now you can move forward and have a great time tonight !
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Old 06-01-2007, 04:06 PM
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We all have to do it in the way that is best for us..... Glad your feeling better

Have a great time out....
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Old 06-01-2007, 04:36 PM
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I'm glad you verbalized the line in the sand. And it may very well be a step towards closure and surrendering the fight for the good of this relationship. You've said your piece and I truly hope you enjoy your evening with your gal pal.
Wishing you laughter and a light heart,
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Old 06-01-2007, 06:05 PM
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Have fun, honey. You deserve it!
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Old 06-01-2007, 06:32 PM
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Eat some lobstah for me!
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Old 06-01-2007, 06:47 PM
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full of hope
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Onward and Upward...I like that, KG! Glad you were able to give yourself some closure!!

Have fun!!!
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Old 06-01-2007, 09:03 PM
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kg, i did the same thing recently! it felt really GOOD - i got the closure i needed.

hope you had fun tonight!
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Old 06-02-2007, 07:02 AM
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Thanks all!!! I had a GREAT time last night - TRULY!!! I even met someone who I will probably go on a date with this coming week!!! Not ready for anything serious but am more than ready for FUN!
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Old 06-02-2007, 07:23 AM
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You are inspiring, KG!!

Glad you had fun!!!

Onward and Upward, Friend!
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Old 06-02-2007, 09:43 AM
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Hey Girl,

I too got to the same place. Even though I got LOTS of advice (not just here on SR) that NO CONTACT meant no contact. I think the difference, at least for me, was I had finally gotten to the point where my "motive" was not to get a "reaction" that my codie self could take and run with, but instead becuase of who I, ME, CE Girl AM in my core.

I did it, it was done and you know what? I stopped having relpases. Ok, spirits, I'm not taking that for granted. I'm well award we have to be ever so vigilant on the relapse thing. Much like the A, our disease is cunning and will take ALL prisioners if we let out "programs" down.

I'm familiar with the bit of "serenity" your letter had on YOU.

Glad you had a good time last night

Just curious, did he respond? Do yuo have a plan if he does?

I know, I had to think about that before I sent MY letter

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Old 06-02-2007, 12:22 PM
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CE - I just mailed the letter Friday so he won't receive it until sometime next week. I am not expecting a response other than a possible drunken voice mail. I clearly stated in the letter that he had to quit for HIM and also BE ACTIVELY WORKING A RECOVERY PROGRAM...if he chooses to do that, and does it correctly I would think it will be a while before I hear from him. I just don't have the energy to deal with it any more. I don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying that he might relapse, etc. I am realizing he needs more help than just getting sober. If and when he gets there, depending on where I am in my recovery and my life, I will have to decide what to do but for now I can't worry about it. NO expectations. I really don't think he is near ready to change.
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Old 06-02-2007, 12:28 PM
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Good for you, kglast.

I realised that any closure I needed had to come from me. I nevder got around to writing a letter to him, however I can understand why you did. I got my closure by hacking into his emails and reading the crap he was spouting to his new supply (which was the same crap he spouted to me.) Not ethical and I am not particularly proud of what I did. However, it gave me the answers I needed to move on. Ironically, 2 1/2 years later, I did a search on a dating website that I was considering joining and found him doing the same stuff. He's obviously looking for a new one.

As long as you have no expectations that your letter will have any short-term effect on him, then good going.
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Old 06-02-2007, 12:34 PM
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thanks Minnie....i really truly don't have any short term expectations....kind of shocks me....and makes me so glad...
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Old 06-03-2007, 04:43 PM
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I just did the same thing with a friend. I feel like a ten-ton weight has been lifted off my shoulders. You can feel it in your gut when you've done the right thing.

You SO did the right thing.
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