reality check, please
 

it's been awhile since i've been able to check in here everyday and participate in the forum.

i'm exhausted. during the past 2 1/2 weeks, i've been helping to care for 5 of my grandchildren because their father was in a serious bike accident. which was stressful enough, but my mother was kicked out of my aunt's house for "bad behavior".....whick basically means they just got into an arguement, as always, so i moved my mother in with me.....she has her own private part of living quarters, so that won't be so bad......except she competes for attention with the children!!!!!

so, i put her to work for me by running errands, thinking it would make her feel better to be needed, and it would help me. so she falls. now she insists she has a broken rib and ankle. oh god, grant me the serenity........

i take her to the doc, she is ok......but the doc is wrong. ya get where i'm at here?

then my son drops off his yorkie for me to babysit while he goes to disneyworld.
yappy little thing. she gets loose when i take her out to pee, and she runs for me for over 2 hours. i thought i was gonna have a stroke. 5 grandchildren, a mother saying she has broken ribs, and a runaway yorkie.

so now i put two leashes on the little beast when i take her out, in case she breaks one, like she did the other night. i might just duct tape it, too.

when things get settled down, i'm gonna go recluse for a week.

bottom line.....i'm having hard time saying no to things that i should say no to. these are just a few of them.

it seems i'm replacing all my codieisms with other material since xh is out of the pic.

i know some of these things were have to cases.....but some weren't, too. as were many other things that have happened that i won't go into.....you all know the gist of it all, anyway.

i'm letting myself get overwhelmed and this is a familiar feeling that i don't like or want.

Yep, I do it too sometimes.
Recently had a friend get mad at me and block my email address bc I hadnt called her in a week..this was a week following about 4 months of being her emotional crutch, which is a position I totally put myself in..Thats me the helper..putting someone else's needs ahead of my own...I know where it will take me, but Im in the express lane anyway! Damn this disease!


You are strong and wise and been to this rodeo a time or two.. :)
Whats next?

A meeting?
Coffee date alone?
Rent a good movie and hole up in your room for a couple hours and breath?
Get a manicure or massage?

I dont know how you feel about spirituality..but there is a really good book that helps me tremendously, called Approval Addiction, by Joyce Meyer..sheds alot of light on keeping me out of the yes business.

:)

I needed to read this. Thank you Embraced. I've been such a yes person and now i'm saying no with a lot of anger and vengance. That's not pretty. I'm hurting the people around me who have depended on me in the past. I'm resentful. I put myself in the most impossible situations then complain when i'm spent.

sigh.....

yeah.....damn this disease/condition/state of mind/out of body experience....or whatever you wanna call it.

codependent
cotired
coirritated
coresentful
copacabana
coconfused
codistressed
cofrightened
cocopuffs
corambling (which is what i'm doing right now)

I would make it all backfire. Trust me, my own mother is a ditto to yours.
My mother makes statements that go right up my spine.
" I can't get anyone to get off the couch on their day off to help me". Cough!
"This house is too big and expensive, I don't get any help with it and your father would roll over in his grave to see how no one comes around". (he was cremated)
These comments are my invitation to buff and polish things that are already clean.
Let's sum it up by saying, children=free help.
Now, you know I work all kinds of crazy shifts. I have three sons. I have two dogs and a husband. I have three rental properties. To my mother, this all adds up to nonsense that I waste my time on.
My mother has caused trouble in each one of my brothers marriages by keeping them engaged in her repairs on their days off EVERY SINGLE WEEK.
By God!, you can't have anyone to dinner without a comment.
I let her whine, manipulate, bellyache, refer to my ingratitude, refer to her own death and how sorry we'll all be......
She can't walk to her own mailbox, but by God if anyone is going to the casino, she is standing on the curb with her pocketbook loaded!
There must be something magical in the air at Walmart because if anyone is going to Walmart, she is in the back seat before you can warm up the car.
Now, I 'm just over 5 feet tall. My mother has one of those Lincoln Town cars with tinted windows so no one ever knows for sure that the President isn't in town.
I have to drive her around in that car which is big enough for a small family to reside in. She can walk. She prefers a wheelchair when we go out. In the trunk and out of the trunk. Have you a ever tried to push a cart and a wheelchair at the same time?
Well, you get the idea.
I got so sick of it that I found myself avoiding even stopping by to check on her.
She starts right in the minute you walk in the door. She can actually make her voice quiver.
She pouts.
Well anyway, I said Mom, I've thought alot about what you keep saying and it hadn't occurred to me that you might be happier living in an adult facility. They have 24/7 help there and I hadn't realized how many needs you have throughout the day. They have some beautiful places. I have talked to my brothers and I didn't realize they were spending their days off here helping you. After we talked, I realized that you need alot of help. I think you should consider selling the house and moving into an adult home, would you like me to check into for you?
I would tell your mother that you have spoken to the doctor and he would encourage you to get a second opinion so that it validates his conclusions. He said if you were in that much pain, livnignat home may be requiring you to expend too much energy. He would be happy to recommend a facility. Who woudl you like me to make an appointment with for a second opinion? We should get this done ASAP, the waiting lists for facilities can be long.
It doens't matter what she says, just repeat it to her with whatever interpretation you need.
For instance....."that doctor doesnt' know what he's talking about, my leg is broken!"
"Well, that doctor said he would encourage you strongly to get a second opinon so that his diagnosis is validated, he says if you have this much chronic pain, so much so that your leg feels broken, it will speed up your placement in a facility".

hey embraced - i can relate to what you said in your post:

"when things get settled down, i'm gonna go recluse for a week."

i say this ALL the time. problem is, it hardly ever slows down. need to make this more of a priority?

blessings, k

Wow and I thought I had it bad! Sweetie, I do think you need to take at least a few hours for yourself. MAybe a meeting or just a movie. My MOm is here with me as well, (she broke her tail bone) i have my own 3 kids, 2 dogs, 2 hamsters and sone vertual pet I take care of when my son is at school, oh and my own school work.
I know how tired you are, I do.. Yesterday I cried so hard I threw up... Yuck... So I asked my oldest to watch Grandma and I got in my car and drove around for 2hrs. It was great..
Hang in there my friend you are one amzing woman...

(((Hugs Embrace)))))

I agree with Mallow-My counselor taught me that route a long time ago. If you repeat repeat it somehow seems to work!

Doing what Kermit did sounds like a plan to me! I do that once in awhile myself when I start to feel overwhelmed-jump in the car and just drive (although with Gas prices it may be tuff) pop in your favorite CD and go somewhere you can at least sit with yourself and regroup!

(((Hugs)))

Emrace, if you do go for a drive and put your favorite cd on... make sure it's not to loud, cause well, I put mine so load that I couldn't hear the cop tring to pull me over.... LOL

(((jeri)))

I didn't realize I was in such good company! :)

Hope things calm down for you and maybe getting "held up doing an errand" or "lost" for a short time could help.