kglast

OK, so with another weekend looming in front of me ( yes, i know, it is only Wed..) i am finding myself trying to talk myself into going to see him....maybe if we can just have a sober conversation....and i keep wondering whether i have made my boundary and the reason for it clear...second guessing myself...WHY AM I DOING THIS????? my head knows that is the worst thing i could do for myself but my heart keeps on pulling!!! I MISS HIM SO MUCH....to know that i could spend the weekend in his arms (and get my fix, i suppose) - it is almost unbearable today. i know it ultimately wouldn't serve any purpose - how do i stop obsessing??? this is all i can think about...what i want to say to him, etc, but i never talk to him! i have written several letters i have not sent. then i start thinking, maybe i should send him one short sweet simple letter clearly stating why i have put this boundary in place (to protect ME, and not to punish HIM) and to make sure he knows that when/if he decides to stop drinking, AND is working a program, i would like to hear from him. is this a crazy idea?? am i going crazy?????????

WantsOut

You stop obsessing like you stop any other addiction ... distract yourself, learn why you need this so much, work a program like alanon, know that every day that passes makes you free.

dollydo

You are obsessing and trying to convince yourself that if you just see him, a miracle will happen, he will see how wonderful you are and see the light.

I can assure you, unless he is sober and working a good recovery program nothing will change.

You are allowing him to take up too much space in your mind, don't you have other things to think about? When one totally consumes another's space there is a serious problem and this problem needs immediate attention.

Are you going to meetings? Have you seen a therapist?

You owe him no explanation, he already knows the why's, even if he doesn't admit it, he knows.

Take care of you, start thinking about you, not him.

Just my two cents, take what you want and leave the rest.

StandingStrong

This is SOOOO true! I know - I've been there and done that! Heck, I even occassionally find myself still wanting to go into that mode on other topics with friends.

It is true. Your A hears what you say - and he knows the reasons why you say them.
But you are also showing him by continuing the cycle and repeating it all that you really aren't done with him and you aren't sticking by your own boundaries.

So, I'd suggest that you call some friends and get out of that house this weekend. Go out and have FUN! Distract your mind from the A in your life - get busy living - and enjoy your life.
While you may get a quick fix by laying in your A's arms if you choose that route - it's like any other addiction - the euphoria wears off and you end up waking up in the same old place that you started out in.

So....the choice is yours. Whatcha think?

chero

OMG! I can relate to you, KG!

Less than a week ago I had to have a 'fix' myself. And when I left I felt so bad. There wasn't anything I NEEDED to say. When I got honest with myself it was all about me wanting to see if there was anything there for me to control...only I called it helping and fixing.

I even said, I need to say out loud my boundaries. Our A's know the boundaries. And if they don't know they don't care!!!

What's helped me the most is staying busy! VERY, VERY busy. And staying at SR as much as possible. I know when the feelings to have a 'fix' are strongest and I take extra measures to ensure I do the right thing.

Ultimately the choice is up to you. No one can make it for you. I caved. I learned. I'm stronger because of it!

GOOD LUCK!!!

chero

And p.s....the cravings do start to subside!

kglast

THANKS ALL!!!! All of your replies are just what I needed to hear! That is why i LOVE this site and all of YOU!!! THank you! I am not going to see him/call him or anything else. Dolly - you are right - he knows whether he wants to admit it or not. BTW - it has been 5 1/2 weeks since i have seen him and 2 weeks and 2 days since i have spoken to him. no emails, no letters from me, etc. hopefully he will hurt enough to want to change himself, but if not - at least i am not dealing with the drunken ridiculousness anymore....THanks again for the reality check - sometimes that is just what i need to get my strength back up. God Bless...

dollydo

Kg,

That a way, work on controlling your impluses, keep busy, you can do this.

Hugs,
Dolly