denny57

I think it can be very important in a marriage to take the "proper" steps. It helped me enormously to not act in an "all me, against him" fashion. Yes, I finally started making choices that were right for me, but I articulated what I needed to do to my marriage partner. It's what I believe you do in a marriage. It's what I chose to do after having that one sided conversation that mattered. I have been able to move forward because I don't have lingering guilt or doubts that I didn't try.

It's different for everyone.

hopeangel

CE, my girl, good to see your back on top of your game hehe that's the CE i love!

yes, yes, and yes to the rest of you- you all make such good points.

denny, i'm with you on your thinking

chero, isn't it amazing how when you have some time to yourself for reflection and the fog lifts how clearly you can see?

CE Girl

Me too Hope, me too

You know, I don't think it matters if your married, shacking up together (I had to, my mother told me too ) dating, mating or hanging out!!That sentance says it all!!

I think we've all told our A's at one time or another, in our own ways, (just see the Famous Quotes thread) how we felt and what we wanted, but as Denny pointed out, in a "me against he/she" way. Once it was YOUR decision, usually means you will have no regrets. You did all that you could.

Peace

minnie

I have a hunch that this is perhaps what the counsellor is driving at. For you, not for him.

His reaction is entirely predictable, I'm afraid. Becauee he knows that you will be able to see the wood for the trees after some time apart and because he knows the ball is actually entirely in his court as far as the drinking is concerned. Well, good. Better you know now than in 10 years time, no?

minnie

Also, it helped to me to get a real perspective on time. At one point, a week seemed an eternity. Now, I am prepared to play the long game.

When you add in the sense of instant gratification that is not unique to problem drinkers, immediate results become paramount. However, this counts against us all in so many ways. I found the passage on "Delayed Gratification" in The Road Less Travelled shed some light on this for me.

hopeangel

well, no taking the high road here. i offered him the perfect solution. the perfect way out. he won't take it.

his parents spend the summer out at the campgroud every summer, so their house is completely empty. he could go there and spend the whole summer. it wouldn't cost us any money.

of course, he won't go because i am the one who wants the seperation-not him. he loves me and wants to be with me and wants to make it work and his name is on the deed so he doesn't have to go anywhere.

i told him i was simply giving him a chance to do the right thing and work through this together. he says he is not going to make it that easy for me.

he has went to AA meetings the last two nights however

LaTeeDa

Sounds like typical 'do whatever I have to to get her off my back' behavior to me.

JMO,

L