newenglandgirl

Good evening dearest SR friends.

Well, I'm feeling pretty yucky about myself right now...

My sister's been staying with me for a few months (which is totally fine)...but having her here for so long has caused me to feel, in some ways, like an angry teenager all over again. She drives me crazy just like a little sister always does! She's so damn chipper and giggly and helpful, it makes me feel like a selfish lug. She acknowledges that she prefers to keep her feelings to herself (especially the negative ones) and tends to be everyone else's cheerleader and caretaker, while has trouble forging intimate relationships of her own.

She is a very nice, considerate, and funny person. But everything she does drives me nuts. I know that this is not because she's really an annoying person, but rather we just have some unfinished childhood b.s. still lingering around. At least I do. She is the kind of person who prefers not to ever talk about our childhood. And if I bring up stuff, she changes the subject or doesn't respond. I've brought this to her attention several times, but she claims to not know what I'm talking about.

Well, I'm the kind of person who likes to talk about every single feeling and event. And I'd really like to break down this wall of tension that's always been between us. In my opinion we just need to talk and talk and talk. But, again, when I mention anything, she glazes over.

Tonight, I acted like a huge a**hole. She was being so nice to me and she said something that I found annoying...long story short, she ends up crying while I'm screaming at her. She left, and has been gone for hours.

I wanted her to stay and stand her ground and yell back. I wanted to get it all out and get closer. All she ever wants to do is keep it light. It drives me crazy.

I know, I must sound like a 12 year old writing this. I'm telling you, I'm a teenager all over again when she's around. ugh.

Have any of you had similar stuff go on?

kglast

NEG - my sister is 3 years younger than me and we are totally different people. if we weren't sisters, we probably wouldn't be friends...i know there is a lot unspoken between us and we can irritate eachother pretty quickly..the joy of being sisters, i guess. so, yes, i can relate...unfortunately, i have no words of wisdom to give...i have just accepted that she is different from me and respect her way of handling herself and ask that she do the same. along the lines of having unrealistic expectations - i can't make her be someone she is not to fulfill my needs...make any sense??? i have had to adopt this attitude with my mother too. there are just certain things i am never going to get from them so i won't kill myself trying anymore.

chero

OMG! My little sister drives me crazy!!! She has never grown up!
I can relate KG, if there wasn't blood we would not be friends.

Know what I'm doing right now....her wedding invitations. But she is who she is and she is about to be someone else's problem! Hearing the sound of wedding bells in her future is the only thing getting me through this task!

newenglandgirl

That is the key.

I have been trying to let it go and stop trying to get her to be a person she's not. and just accept her as she is.

I hope I grow up one of these days.

thanks guys.

kglast

((NEG)) - it took me many years and a lot of heartache and frustration to get to that point - one day it just "clicked". be patient with yourself. maybe something to bring up at counseling?? hang in there -

p.s. is she back yet?

MsGolightly

neg, could you possibly write her a letter? just saying you've been wanting to talk to her, you want to get closer to her, and you wish she'd just open up to you, but you understand if she doesn't (you can't control it )

it sounds like she's avoiding it for whatever reason. lots of people don't want to open up and be vulnerable because it allows weaknesses to come out. is this something you need to talk about to build a better relationship with her? i'm sure she'll come around eventually, but probably not when it's not on her terms, or when she feels like she's put on the spot.

newenglandgirl

Yup, she came home just a bit ago. And we had a good talk! I told her how I think if we want to have a close and genuine grown-up relationship then we really need to be able to hash it out and talk about stuff. She let me know that she was not comfortable with talking about deep stuff most of the time. I said I wouldn't push it. And we talked about some other things...all in all, it was very real.

I think we really communicated for the first time in a really long time. Then we watched a couple of episodes of Sex and the City and hugged good night. I feel so much better. phew. Family is hard sometimes.

Rella927

Family is hard sometimes but they will always be with us! Glad that you had a great talk with her and that you are feeling better!

(((Hugs)))

MsGolightly

i'm so glad, neg! i know how stressful it can be, so i'm happy things are looking up for both of you!