When they finally decide to go to AA are they on the road to recovery?
very often, losing everything they have "wakes" them up, and sometimes it doesn't. it's a change of behavior, a change of LIFE. everything has to change.
by the way, it is widely recognized that a person needs a year of sobriety before they can be in a "normal" relationship.
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Location: ft. bend texas
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I know now that I'm in for a world of pain and I can't get out of it because I love the woman, so I guess I have no option except to watch her destroy herself. I will not provide her with alcohol, she'll have to continue to sneak it and get it anyway she can.
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She said she will take it in front of me everyday and if she refuses, well I guess that's where I would say, enough is enough. I don't think she will refuse. We'll see.. If they take it everyday will it work????
Sad, attractiveness is not necessarily the key ingredient in finding a new enabler, although it certainly helps. Healthy people keep at arms length from unhealthy people, no matter what they look like.
Antabuse and Campral certainly can help, although if the drinker doesn't want to stop, then they will find ways to get around taking them. In the many hundreds of case studies I have witnessed on this site and others, having the enablers get out of the way of the bottom* that they need to find is probably more effective.
So, tell me, what help are you getting for YOU?
*contrary to popular opinion, rock bottom does not have to be skid row. Each bottom is individual (fnar) and may be anything from the threat of losing a spouse or a job, or a health scare to eating out of dumpsters and living in a cardboard box. It is a psychological bottom, rather than an environmental one.
Antabuse and Campral certainly can help, although if the drinker doesn't want to stop, then they will find ways to get around taking them. In the many hundreds of case studies I have witnessed on this site and others, having the enablers get out of the way of the bottom* that they need to find is probably more effective.
So, tell me, what help are you getting for YOU?
*contrary to popular opinion, rock bottom does not have to be skid row. Each bottom is individual (fnar) and may be anything from the threat of losing a spouse or a job, or a health scare to eating out of dumpsters and living in a cardboard box. It is a psychological bottom, rather than an environmental one.
Hi sad#3, I am a recovering alcoholic, I'm not in AA but I go to professional
therapy. Does she like to read? I suggest Beyond the Influence by Katherine Ketchem. It's around 16.95 new at Barnes and Noble..
Heres a link on this site for some excerpts of Under the Influence. Good information.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Best wishes, hope3
therapy. Does she like to read? I suggest Beyond the Influence by Katherine Ketchem. It's around 16.95 new at Barnes and Noble..
Heres a link on this site for some excerpts of Under the Influence. Good information.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Best wishes, hope3
Quote:
Originally Posted by InThisForMe
you can't force her to take a drug, and chances are she definitely won't want to if it's going to stop her from drinking.
She said she will take it in front of me everyday and if she refuses, well I guess that's where I would say, enough is enough. I don't think she will refuse. We'll see. If they take it everyday will it work????
Originally Posted by InThisForMe
you can't force her to take a drug, and chances are she definitely won't want to if it's going to stop her from drinking.
She said she will take it in front of me everyday and if she refuses, well I guess that's where I would say, enough is enough. I don't think she will refuse. We'll see. If they take it everyday will it work????
sad, i know you love her ... don't you think we all loved our A's too? we all planned to spend the rest of our lives with them, for better or for worse, but it gets to be too much to handle, even for the most loving, caring, compassionate, understanding people in the world.
we all got to a point where we said ENOUGH. love can't cure this disease, as much as we would love it to.
we all got to a point where we said ENOUGH. love can't cure this disease, as much as we would love it to.
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Sad,
I feel the same way about my sister. I can't even believe this is happening. I think I was kidding myself that her showing up to teach her class drunk and driving her twin babies to the babysitter first was her rock-bottom. I needed it to be. She spent three days in detox, got out Thursday and was drunk again today. WTF? And we are supposed to let them fall? How? How can we not be able to fix them? I am sorry for the pain you are in. I am sorry for the pain we are all in. I really miss my sister.
I feel the same way about my sister. I can't even believe this is happening. I think I was kidding myself that her showing up to teach her class drunk and driving her twin babies to the babysitter first was her rock-bottom. I needed it to be. She spent three days in detox, got out Thursday and was drunk again today. WTF? And we are supposed to let them fall? How? How can we not be able to fix them? I am sorry for the pain you are in. I am sorry for the pain we are all in. I really miss my sister.
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Location: Chicago, IL
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Many people say here that the alcoholic/addict has to want sobriety for AA to work. That is not always true, there are some AA members who: attend meetings daily, get a sponser, work the steps, go to a therapist and still relapse. That's a sad reality and something many family members (mine included) do not want to face. Alcoholics deserve better than to be told, "you just don't want to get sober!" I have heard that it takes an average of 2-4 treatments for an alcoholic to get and stay sober.
Just something to think about, I guess.
Just something to think about, I guess.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
"I know now that I'm in for a world of pain and I can't get out of it because I love the woman, so I guess I have no option except to watch her destroy herself."
No, you can't get out of it because you don't love yourself. And you do have options. You just apparently enjoy watching people destroy their lives. You are suffering from the disease of codependency, and there is a cure: ALANON.
No, you can't get out of it because you don't love yourself. And you do have options. You just apparently enjoy watching people destroy their lives. You are suffering from the disease of codependency, and there is a cure: ALANON.
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Sad,
I feel the same way about my sister. I can't even believe this is happening. I think I was kidding myself that her showing up to teach her class drunk and driving her twin babies to the babysitter first was her rock-bottom. I needed it to be. She spent three days in detox, got out Thursday and was drunk again today. WTF? And we are supposed to let them fall? How? How can we not be able to fix them? I am sorry for the pain you are in. I am sorry for the pain we are all in. I really miss my sister.
I feel the same way about my sister. I can't even believe this is happening. I think I was kidding myself that her showing up to teach her class drunk and driving her twin babies to the babysitter first was her rock-bottom. I needed it to be. She spent three days in detox, got out Thursday and was drunk again today. WTF? And we are supposed to let them fall? How? How can we not be able to fix them? I am sorry for the pain you are in. I am sorry for the pain we are all in. I really miss my sister.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
"I know now that I'm in for a world of pain and I can't get out of it because I love the woman, so I guess I have no option except to watch her destroy herself."
No, you can't get out of it because you don't love yourself. And you do have options. You just apparently enjoy watching people destroy their lives. You are suffering from the disease of codependency, and there is a cure: ALANON.
No, you can't get out of it because you don't love yourself. And you do have options. You just apparently enjoy watching people destroy their lives. You are suffering from the disease of codependency, and there is a cure: ALANON.
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I took the al-anon test and only answered yes to a few that were all related. Such as worrying about her health and money issues since she's underemployed because of the disease.
How do they hit rock bottom? Mine is very attractive and I imagine she will always be able to find a man to take care of her so she may never hit rock bottom.
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She doesn't drink on days that I come pick her up, it's when I let her drive my car that she stops by the beer store and sometimes buys wine and hides it. I can't drive her in every day because I'd never get enough sleep... It's probably best that she doesn't get her drivers license back because if she does, she may get herself in trouble again with abusing alcohol nearly every day.
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