Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Friends and Family > Friends and Family of Alcoholics
Reload this Page >

When they finally decide to go to AA are they on the road to recovery?



When they finally decide to go to AA are they on the road to recovery?

Old 05-28-2007, 12:47 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Does the drug anti-abuse work????

The one that makes them sick if they drink??? This is the last hope, she is supposed to go to the doctor Wednesday.
sad#3 is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 12:47 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
MsGolightly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by sad#3 View Post
Then how can they ever stop?

very often, losing everything they have "wakes" them up, and sometimes it doesn't. it's a change of behavior, a change of LIFE. everything has to change.

by the way, it is widely recognized that a person needs a year of sobriety before they can be in a "normal" relationship.
MsGolightly is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 12:48 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
MsGolightly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
you can't force her to take a drug, and chances are she definitely won't want to if it's going to stop her from drinking.
MsGolightly is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 12:50 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
I know now that I'm in for a world of pain and I can't get out of it because I love the woman, so I guess I have no option except to watch her destroy herself. I will not provide her with alcohol, she'll have to continue to sneak it and get it anyway she can.
sad#3 is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 12:51 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Thank you all so much for your eye opening help... I'm beginning to realize now that this is not my battle. She'll get the alcohol if she wants it bad enough.
sad#3 is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 12:54 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by InThisForMe View Post
you can't force her to take a drug, and chances are she definitely won't want to if it's going to stop her from drinking.
She said she will take it in front of me everyday and if she refuses, well I guess that's where I would say, enough is enough. I don't think she will refuse. We'll see.. If they take it everyday will it work????
sad#3 is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 12:55 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
minnie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Sad, attractiveness is not necessarily the key ingredient in finding a new enabler, although it certainly helps. Healthy people keep at arms length from unhealthy people, no matter what they look like.

Antabuse and Campral certainly can help, although if the drinker doesn't want to stop, then they will find ways to get around taking them. In the many hundreds of case studies I have witnessed on this site and others, having the enablers get out of the way of the bottom* that they need to find is probably more effective.

So, tell me, what help are you getting for YOU?

*contrary to popular opinion, rock bottom does not have to be skid row. Each bottom is individual (fnar) and may be anything from the threat of losing a spouse or a job, or a health scare to eating out of dumpsters and living in a cardboard box. It is a psychological bottom, rather than an environmental one.
minnie is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 12:56 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Hope3
 
hope3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Hi sad#3, I am a recovering alcoholic, I'm not in AA but I go to professional

therapy. Does she like to read? I suggest Beyond the Influence by Katherine Ketchem. It's around 16.95 new at Barnes and Noble..

Heres a link on this site for some excerpts of Under the Influence. Good information.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Best wishes, hope3
hope3 is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 01:07 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
WhatAboutME's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 240
Quote:
Originally Posted by InThisForMe
you can't force her to take a drug, and chances are she definitely won't want to if it's going to stop her from drinking.

She said she will take it in front of me everyday and if she refuses, well I guess that's where I would say, enough is enough. I don't think she will refuse. We'll see. If they take it everyday will it work????
Been there, done that. Here's the thing, if she wants to drink, even the consequences of mixing the alcohol and Antabuse won't be enough to deter her. There is no magic pill. Recovery is hard work, for the both the alcoholic and codependent.
WhatAboutME is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 01:24 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
MsGolightly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
sad, i know you love her ... don't you think we all loved our A's too? we all planned to spend the rest of our lives with them, for better or for worse, but it gets to be too much to handle, even for the most loving, caring, compassionate, understanding people in the world.

we all got to a point where we said ENOUGH. love can't cure this disease, as much as we would love it to.
MsGolightly is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 06:10 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
I Finally Love My Life!!!
 
cagefree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 648
All I can think of is that saying:

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it (not) drink!
cagefree is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 07:48 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Hamburg, NY
Posts: 20
Sad,
I feel the same way about my sister. I can't even believe this is happening. I think I was kidding myself that her showing up to teach her class drunk and driving her twin babies to the babysitter first was her rock-bottom. I needed it to be. She spent three days in detox, got out Thursday and was drunk again today. WTF? And we are supposed to let them fall? How? How can we not be able to fix them? I am sorry for the pain you are in. I am sorry for the pain we are all in. I really miss my sister.
twinsis is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 08:27 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 773
Many people say here that the alcoholic/addict has to want sobriety for AA to work. That is not always true, there are some AA members who: attend meetings daily, get a sponser, work the steps, go to a therapist and still relapse. That's a sad reality and something many family members (mine included) do not want to face. Alcoholics deserve better than to be told, "you just don't want to get sober!" I have heard that it takes an average of 2-4 treatments for an alcoholic to get and stay sober.
Just something to think about, I guess.
tiburon88 is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 08:27 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I think a better question might be how much does Alanon help? My answer: it helps a great deal. Why not give it a try?
FormerDoormat is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 08:38 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
"I know now that I'm in for a world of pain and I can't get out of it because I love the woman, so I guess I have no option except to watch her destroy herself."

No, you can't get out of it because you don't love yourself. And you do have options. You just apparently enjoy watching people destroy their lives. You are suffering from the disease of codependency, and there is a cure: ALANON.
FormerDoormat is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 11:04 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by twinsis View Post
Sad,
I feel the same way about my sister. I can't even believe this is happening. I think I was kidding myself that her showing up to teach her class drunk and driving her twin babies to the babysitter first was her rock-bottom. I needed it to be. She spent three days in detox, got out Thursday and was drunk again today. WTF? And we are supposed to let them fall? How? How can we not be able to fix them? I am sorry for the pain you are in. I am sorry for the pain we are all in. I really miss my sister.
Thank you very much. I'm sorry too. I'll be here alot.
sad#3 is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 11:06 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by FormerDoormat View Post
"I know now that I'm in for a world of pain and I can't get out of it because I love the woman, so I guess I have no option except to watch her destroy herself."

No, you can't get out of it because you don't love yourself. And you do have options. You just apparently enjoy watching people destroy their lives. You are suffering from the disease of codependency, and there is a cure: ALANON.
Thank you. I guess I haven't sufferered enough yet to try it. It would take time to go to the meetings and I don't want to spend the time or money right now. I know it may come to that point eventually. But, I can take a lot of pain.
sad#3 is offline  
Old 05-28-2007, 11:12 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
I took the al-anon test and only answered yes to a few that were all related. Such as worrying about her health and money issues since she's underemployed because of the disease.
sad#3 is offline  
Old 05-29-2007, 03:45 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Member
 
WhatAboutME's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 240
How do they hit rock bottom? Mine is very attractive and I imagine she will always be able to find a man to take care of her so she may never hit rock bottom.
And if she always has someone to take care of her, she will always continue to drink. She is not a child and does not need to be "taken care of". Take care of you.
WhatAboutME is offline  
Old 05-29-2007, 05:34 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
She doesn't drink on days that I come pick her up, it's when I let her drive my car that she stops by the beer store and sometimes buys wine and hides it. I can't drive her in every day because I'd never get enough sleep... It's probably best that she doesn't get her drivers license back because if she does, she may get herself in trouble again with abusing alcohol nearly every day.
sad#3 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:23 AM.