Newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 82
Newbie
Hey everyone I just stumbled across this forum while looking for information on spouses of alcoholics. I guess a bit of background is in order so here is my story.
My wife of almost 20 years is an alcoholic. I have been through it all with her. DUI's, drunk and disorderly, drinking to the point of blacking out at so many social events I cant count, etc.
I have heard it all. I cant stand it when I do this to you, I promise I wont do it again, I am ok as long as I dont start etc.
Things really hit the fan about 6 months ago when I was out of town for business. When I returned she showed me a police report that she had been picked up for drunk and disorderly. Apparantly she was following a bunch of people from work to a party, decided that she was too drunk to drive and pulled off into the middle of someone's lawn. She took the keys out of the ignition, locked the doors and went to sleep. When the cops got there it took them a half hour to wake her up and when she did she refused to get out of the car. The only thing that kept her out of jail was that she was able to call my neighbor who is a police officer and a friend of the cop that arrested her. He was able to get the charges reduced but she still was hit with 2 years probation.
After this episode she was extremely upset and swore up and down that she would never drink again, didnt want to do this to me and kids, and that she will attend AA meetings. Well that lasted about 3 days and I once again caught her drinking and that led to the same conversation over and over about not doing it again.
Tonight we were at a backyard BBQ and unfortunately there was beer there but everyone who knows what she has been going through did not drink as a show of support. Well before long she starts going inside, going across the street to the house to check on something and before you know it she was in a drunken stupor.
For some reason I feel tonight is the last straw for me. I feel the usual and that is angry, depressed, alone etc so I started surfing the web for a forum like this for some support and advice.
Sorry for the long and boring email but I just feel like sharing my experience and see what some other folks can offer for support.
My wife of almost 20 years is an alcoholic. I have been through it all with her. DUI's, drunk and disorderly, drinking to the point of blacking out at so many social events I cant count, etc.
I have heard it all. I cant stand it when I do this to you, I promise I wont do it again, I am ok as long as I dont start etc.
Things really hit the fan about 6 months ago when I was out of town for business. When I returned she showed me a police report that she had been picked up for drunk and disorderly. Apparantly she was following a bunch of people from work to a party, decided that she was too drunk to drive and pulled off into the middle of someone's lawn. She took the keys out of the ignition, locked the doors and went to sleep. When the cops got there it took them a half hour to wake her up and when she did she refused to get out of the car. The only thing that kept her out of jail was that she was able to call my neighbor who is a police officer and a friend of the cop that arrested her. He was able to get the charges reduced but she still was hit with 2 years probation.
After this episode she was extremely upset and swore up and down that she would never drink again, didnt want to do this to me and kids, and that she will attend AA meetings. Well that lasted about 3 days and I once again caught her drinking and that led to the same conversation over and over about not doing it again.
Tonight we were at a backyard BBQ and unfortunately there was beer there but everyone who knows what she has been going through did not drink as a show of support. Well before long she starts going inside, going across the street to the house to check on something and before you know it she was in a drunken stupor.
For some reason I feel tonight is the last straw for me. I feel the usual and that is angry, depressed, alone etc so I started surfing the web for a forum like this for some support and advice.
Sorry for the long and boring email but I just feel like sharing my experience and see what some other folks can offer for support.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Hello sb
Welcome to SR
Have a look about and be sure to read the posts that say "sticky" beside them that are located at the top of the forums. As people show up they will post replies to your post.
Read, ask questions and know that your not alone. You will find some great support here.
Welcome to SR
Have a look about and be sure to read the posts that say "sticky" beside them that are located at the top of the forums. As people show up they will post replies to your post.
Read, ask questions and know that your not alone. You will find some great support here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
Hello there SB...welcome to SR. You've found a wonderful place to learn and get support. We really understand what you're going through. So please keep reading and posting. There's lots to be learned here.
I know when I first found SR I felt SO alone. It was so good to meet people who understood my crazy life. Coming here has helped me tremendously as I work on getting my life back on track...picking up the pieces.
Please remember the three C's:
-you didn't cause it
-you can't cure it
-and you can't control it
We can't make them decide to stop drinking and get help. We can only lay down the law (put boundaries in place) and stick to them...and, of course, take care of ourselves and the children.
Besides coming to SR, I started seeing a therapist which has helped me start making steps towards a healthy life.
Good to meet you
I know when I first found SR I felt SO alone. It was so good to meet people who understood my crazy life. Coming here has helped me tremendously as I work on getting my life back on track...picking up the pieces.
Please remember the three C's:
-you didn't cause it
-you can't cure it
-and you can't control it
We can't make them decide to stop drinking and get help. We can only lay down the law (put boundaries in place) and stick to them...and, of course, take care of ourselves and the children.
Besides coming to SR, I started seeing a therapist which has helped me start making steps towards a healthy life.
Good to meet you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 82
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl 
Please remember the three C's:
-you didn't cause it
-you can't cure it
-and you can't control it
-you didn't cause it
-you can't cure it
-and you can't control it
THANKS!
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Welcome to SR! I'm so sorry for your story.
Coming here has been one of the best things I've ever done for myself! Just realizing that there were people out there who knew and could understand what life with an alcoholic is really like helped me so much!
An important thing to remember is that you can't change her. You are only responsible for YOU and YOUR life.
Just ask all the questions you can think of and read everything you can! This place is full of wisdom!
Glad you are here!
Coming here has been one of the best things I've ever done for myself! Just realizing that there were people out there who knew and could understand what life with an alcoholic is really like helped me so much!
An important thing to remember is that you can't change her. You are only responsible for YOU and YOUR life.
Just ask all the questions you can think of and read everything you can! This place is full of wisdom!
Glad you are here!
sober girl
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Citrus Heights ca
Posts: 1
SB
you are doing the right thing by gathering as much info as possable about alcholics, I and so sorry for your troubles, Can I make a suggestion? Get in touch with Al-Anon Group in your area, They help the people living with the alcholic. They will help you in more ways then you can imagine. I work both groups, because I am an Alcholic and I work with other Alcholics. Remember: This is not you or your kids fault. You can not make her quit, she has to really want to. on her own. Just like the other members stated: You did not cause it, you can not cure it, you can not control it. All you can do is take care of you & your kids.
you are doing the right thing by gathering as much info as possable about alcholics, I and so sorry for your troubles, Can I make a suggestion? Get in touch with Al-Anon Group in your area, They help the people living with the alcholic. They will help you in more ways then you can imagine. I work both groups, because I am an Alcholic and I work with other Alcholics. Remember: This is not you or your kids fault. You can not make her quit, she has to really want to. on her own. Just like the other members stated: You did not cause it, you can not cure it, you can not control it. All you can do is take care of you & your kids.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
Welcome sb0804
Many of us find this forum when we are feeling desperate and can no longer tolerate the situation we find ourselves in.
There is a wealth of knowledge and information here that will help you better understand the overwhelming frustration of living with someone consumed by alcohol addiction ...the lies, the chaos, the irrational behavior, the manipulation, the blaming, the relapses ... and learn how to move forward with your life without being destroyed in the process.
Keep reading the posts ...especially those at the top. You have come to the right place.
Many of us find this forum when we are feeling desperate and can no longer tolerate the situation we find ourselves in.
There is a wealth of knowledge and information here that will help you better understand the overwhelming frustration of living with someone consumed by alcohol addiction ...the lies, the chaos, the irrational behavior, the manipulation, the blaming, the relapses ... and learn how to move forward with your life without being destroyed in the process.
Keep reading the posts ...especially those at the top. You have come to the right place.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Welcome, sounds like you are ready for a change. Here + Alanon is a good start for you to determine what changes you will make. I work the 12 steps because of Alanon and it has changed my life in so many ways for the better dramaticly. If you start your own recovery program and work it for a long time you can't even imagine the person you will become and the new way you will handle all the situations in your life. Blessings on your journey
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome,
Most of us reach a point where we stand up and say "Enough" that's it I've had it.
Perhaps you too have reached that point.
Living with an alcoholic is a stressful unrewarding place to live, we lose us.
Have you gone to meetings? If not, I would suggest you give it a shot, sure has helped me.
We are here for you, keep posting.
Dolly
Most of us reach a point where we stand up and say "Enough" that's it I've had it.
Perhaps you too have reached that point.
Living with an alcoholic is a stressful unrewarding place to live, we lose us.
Have you gone to meetings? If not, I would suggest you give it a shot, sure has helped me.
We are here for you, keep posting.
Dolly
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 82
Dolly, I have not gone to any meetings yet but that will change on Tuesday night. They finally started a support group at a local church that meets every Tuesday-Friday.
Honestly I cant wait to go. I really feel like I need to talk face to face with other spouses so I can just have someone to talk to that understands.
Honestly I cant wait to go. I really feel like I need to talk face to face with other spouses so I can just have someone to talk to that understands.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
Hey sb0804,,,,WELCOME to SR
I found this site the same way you did. After FINALLY getting so desperate with my A, I needed to talk to someone/anyone who could undertand what I was going through. Started surfing half heartedly, thinking NOBODY could understand the half of it. Boy, was I WRONG!!!
The one thing about this site thats so great? 24/7 SERVICE!!! Even at 3 am I can come here and read or find someone to "connect" with regarding the issue at hand. Personally, I suppliment with al anon meetings, friends, family and my american native spirits.
It's great your church has the support group 4 nights a week! Take advantage of it, you'll soon find a community of support and understanding.
Peace
I found this site the same way you did. After FINALLY getting so desperate with my A, I needed to talk to someone/anyone who could undertand what I was going through. Started surfing half heartedly, thinking NOBODY could understand the half of it. Boy, was I WRONG!!!
The one thing about this site thats so great? 24/7 SERVICE!!! Even at 3 am I can come here and read or find someone to "connect" with regarding the issue at hand. Personally, I suppliment with al anon meetings, friends, family and my american native spirits.
It's great your church has the support group 4 nights a week! Take advantage of it, you'll soon find a community of support and understanding.
Peace
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
welcome SB! Sorry for what you are going through. I too am very familiar with the rollercoaster and recently ended my engagement to my A. Still struggling with a lot of it, but NOT missing dealing with a drunk! Keep reading and posting - you have definitely come to the right place!
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