kglast

hi all....5 weeks tomorrow since i have seen my XAF. has been almost 2 weeks since we have spoken, and one week since he has left me a voice mail (not that i am counting....). and do you remember that letter he supposedly mailed last week?? well, i haven't picked up my mail all week b/c i am too afraid i will read it and get swept up in all that unhealthy emotion again...i have decided if i read it, it will do one of two things, **** me off, or make me depressed. so why bother??? i am sure the intention is to just get to me anyway.

as you can tell, i am having a very hard time NOT obsessing about things - i keep wondering what he is doing this weekend (yes, i know drinking, but besides that...) and with who. i am sure he has been with someone else by now, and that thought is KILLING me....how do i stop it??

has anyone else ever been tortured by these thoughts??

i do have plans to take good care of myself this weekend, beach, lots of reading, getting house in order, seeing friends...but i have to be honest and say, i am a bit disappointed that he is not calling all the time, etc. why do i feel that way?

phheew....haven't posted in a while...thanks for letting me get that out. waiting for the next big cry to come.....

MsGolightly

omg, kg, i think we might be twins!

so many people on here (who will probably now think i'm nuts...) post about how their ex calls (or called) them all the time, and it's left me wondering why mine isn't doing that. wouldn't something be better than nothing?! for some sick reason, it would at least make me feel a bit better about myself and our relationship - knowing that they were still thinking about it and it wasn't just ME.

my ex just moved in with the person she cheated on me with (although she still claims they're just "friends" - BS if you ask me) and we live in the same apartment complex - so i'm forced to walk by both of their cars every day, knowing that they're home and in that tiny apartment together - gah, it makes me sick. so i left for the night. i just couldn't take it.

you are doing SO wonderfully. 2 weeks of no contact?! holy cow!! that's incredibly impressive. i'm sure where you at right now is a lot better than where you were a few weeks ago. part of me is thinking it just gets better and better...

StandingStrong

kglast - I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I remember that the "No contact" thing was really hard for me and I didn't do it very well. You are doing so much better than I did! And I can tell you that my experience wasn't great either. Yes, my A called quite a bit - he told me all the things that I wanted to hear - he was great at getting me to second-guess myself and feel major guilt for so many things (even things that weren't even mine!). It kept me confused and in the pit of chaos and inner turmoil for a long long time. It took me finally getting really really really sick and tired of being really really really sick and tired before I was ready to take my hand off that hot stove once and for all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even if he called all the time and said all the words you wanted to hear - nothing changes if nothing changes. If he's not sought and found sobriety, those words would mean nothing more than they always did in the past. No contact truly is best for you even if you can't feel that right now.

I highly suggest making plans and keeping busy. For me, Wednesday nights were always the hardest because I knew that my A was out at a restaurant (with some young waitresses) and then would go drinking at a buddy's house while playing poker till late into the night/early morning. So on Wednesdays, I made sure that I was out doing something or had plans. It helped so much. At first, it was hard but then I started realizing that it was getting easier because I was busy, I was having fun, I wasn't thinking and obsessing about him and what he was doing.

It takes time. Just keep taking that focus off of him and putting it onto you and your life. Hang in there!

Spiritual Seeker

Drama is intoxicating but sometimes letting go is what is necessary. Good luck with your choices.

chero

2 weeks!!??!??! WOW!! Good job!!

I understand the disappointment with him not calling. I found myself disappointed that my husband seems to be doing so well without me.

But I try to remember that isn't my problem. My problem is to get myself well!!

And it sounds like you are doing really well! Keep it up!!
Have fun at the beach!!

LGLG07

These emotions are funny things .. today its upsetting that he doesnt call and tomorrow you might be thanking God that he hasnt called , and then again by Monday you may be sad again .
Just push through the sad times and remember that happier times are ahead . Before you know it the sad times are few & far between and you will be thinking less of whats hes doing and more about what you can do .

I know its hard but you really are doing great ! pat yourself on the back while your applying your suntan lotion and enjoy your day on the beach !!