CE Girl

Ok, those of you who have followed my rants these last few weeks about my A, are about to embark on another journey with me,,,,

This time it's my sister. A recovering addict (heroin) for over 30 years.

Long story short, this morning my nephew found her unconcious. Turns out she took an overdose of valium. It appears it was not an accidental overdose.

I have been a codie to her in the past, but detached long ago, tellin her, "You will always be my sister, I will always love you, but I can't be your friend anymore"

That was 28 years ago. She checked into a rehab the next day for the first time

Through her recovery's/relapses, she has been my sister, but I kept the boundry. I suppose it was easy, since my Mom took on that road. Boy, SHE was the BIGGEST codie I ever met. Always there for my sister, bailing her out, supporting her through a VERY dysfunctional family. My BIL is an alcoholic in denial. Talk about a messed up household. The kids are just as dysfuncional. Do you know, when I got to the hospital this morning, Not one member of her family was there?!?!?!?

My Mom, passed last year. MY sister has been steadily declining since. She lost her "support" system. The one that enabled her to not face the mess her life/family was in.

I had a long conversation with my sister last Sunday. When I hung up the phone, my emotions were all over the place. My boundry with my sister being tested for the first time in a long time. You see, since my Mom's death, my sister has been actively trying to get me to replace my mom in her life. She simply does not have the coping mechanisms. I've treaded the fine line, between wanting to be there for her, and remembering my boundry.

Today, I feel TREMENOUS guilt

Could it have been different if I had let down that boundry?

Oh brother, I just keep saying to myself, "The spirits wouldn't give me more than I can handle"

Peace

elizabeth1979

CE..said with love, take what you like,

You appear to be consumed by others addictions. Your ex, your sister, etc.
I know it happens to be who you are related to, but what are you going to do to start focusing on yourself and remove yourself from others dramatics?

Uh oh, I just made an assumption that you were wanting to remove yourself form the drama..I hate when I assume things. Crikey.

What are you getting out of being engulfed in others addictions and actions?

ICU

I wonder why 'we' end up with the guilt? I'm not picking on you as I've done it myself...but I've always wondered why? Why feel guilt for someone else's actions? Our own actions??? Yes! If warranted. But for someone else's actions....No! Just thnking outloud about something that always stumped me!


It only could have been different if your sister had chosen differently...her choices...her actions, imo.

I feel for CE Girl. I will keep you, your sister and everyone that loves her in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted when you can, ok?

CE Girl

OMG E, you SO know it!!!!

Consumed and DRAMA are the two words that stuck out at me in your post. Was just thinking to myself, I HATE the drama and I feel like I'm being Swallowed,,,

What am I doing to take care of myself?

I left the hospital. I will not sit there and wait for someone to die,,,or LIVE

I came to my island, got on SR, let it out, and now, I'm about to go for a run on the beach. "Connect" if you will with my hp. I'm in need. The spirits will show me the way from there.

ok, an american native saying this,,,

CRICKEY!!!! You are RIGHT ON!!!!!

How'd I do?

Peace

denny57

So sorry to hear about your sister, CE. I was thinking about this on my walk this morning: there was a time I never felt alive unless I was on fire. Today, I have just as many, if not more, things coming at me from all directions, but the drama is gone. The only "thing" that changed is my attitude. I wish there were a magic pill - I'd market it and make a fortune. I think you're on the right track - face it, share it - talk and reason it out - then go for a run and connect to your inner self.

Thinking of you.

chero

Hey Gal, Deep breath. Run until you feel the peace settle in!!

Remember...play it through! That's the only way to find YOUR recovery!

Hugs and Prayers, Sis!!

loveRoy

GEGirl--left the hospital and are going for a run. Now you are on the right path. Keep running.

elizabeth1979

Glad I didnt upset you.
I used to live for dramatics..I of course didnt think I did, I was that girl running around with my head cut off telling anyone who would listen, "OMG, how much can one person take, everything is SOO fecked up!! I dont know what I will do! Why cant life be calm for me ever!"

Its hard to stay focused and centered when everything around me is crazy. I separate what is mine and what is not, is the only way I dont get consumed by others issues. And some days, I get consumed anyway!

I will be honest, I see alot of myself in your posts...hence my boldness.. I am not sure Ive put my finger on exactly what it is yet..

Enjoy your run..you are on the right track! You go girl.
Oh, Im a quarter Choctaw ps..

CE Girl

E, How LUCKY for me that I remind you of you. If I turn out HALF as good as you, I will thank the spirits.

I LOVE ALL OF YOU

How corny. Geez, I used to be so KOOL

Detached with love,,,,,

Codie = "I'm not ok if your not ok"

Compassion = "I'm OK if your not ok"

Gotta LOVE them spirits

I will have compassion for my sister and her family. I will NOT be co dependant.

I'm ok guys. No more guilt. All these years, I kept myself healthy. I plan on continuing to do that.

Just called the hospital. The narcane FINALLY kicked in and she is waking up. I asked if anyone was there. No. My sister has a husband (27 years), 25 yo son, 15 yo daughter (oh brother!! another story another time perhaps,,lol) and a 6 yo daughter. We have 2 brothers, all close, and she has mil, and other family on her husbands side. And NOONE'S there!! When I went this morning, there was NO ONE THERE!!! I did speak to my nephew on my way to the hospital this morning, and when asked what happened, he said, "who knows, she's whacked". I can see the respect,,,,

How sad

Don't get me wrong, I'm not owning it. In fact, I'm not even going back to the hospital now that I know she is out of the woods. Its my sisters to own. If she calls me and needs something, if it's HEALTHY and done out of COMPASSION, I will do my best.

By the way, almost done with DAY 1 with the A

NO CONTACT

Peace


PS,,And did I mention, my FAVORITE meeting tonite

chero

Maybe I should take up running...I'm not getting that kind of inspiration after tennis!

Glad you are doing so good! Day #2...here we come!

CE Girl

With all due respect sweetie,,you got to LET it,,,

I run not so much for the physical, but more for what it does to my head. Just me and the pounding of my feet. I delve inward and let myself go. Reflect on the life I've lived and what I've been given. Are you noticing a "theme" here? NO NEGATIVITY. I don't run and say, why did I get handed such a raw deal!!! LOL What fun would that be, I can sit on the couch and eat bon bon's and watch soap operas if I wanted to be that DEPRESSED!!!

How do you think I found out my favorite color GIRL!!! Staying the the positives allows me to dream. And to think about my furture. And what I WANT. The question of my favorite color came up when I was dreaming about a life without my partner, getting excited about the new phase. The gifts I was given in always having our children, and being able to decorate my OWN home. Ok, own home, gee, what COLOR would I like my bedroom to be? I guess I had to ask myself. Took me at least 30 miles,,,LMAO

Take what your obsessing (YES, I said obsessing) about now, and TURN IT AROUND. OBSESS about your favorite color.

I'm done
lol
Peace

chero

Got to let what?? I'm confused?
Let it be??

I forgot my fav. color, food, movie. Hmm....

I'm so glad you found your peace!