Rusty Zipper

jazzy, love this thread... thanks...

jazzy, this one stil slays me to this day...

"wad'a you have "MD" after your name...

well jazzy, she didnt make it...

xxoo, rz

Rella927

These are GREAT! Thank you everyone for sharing all of these!!
I have a few more that popped up (amazing how your memory gets jogged!)

I went away and came home and caught him searching porn (Good old "history button) when questioned-

"Well, you won't sleep with me" (Gee, ya think? So attractive I just want to jump your bones when your slurring!)

"I have had nothing to drink" (lying to not only me but in the counselors offices!)

"What happened to the woman that use to be so caring and loving?" (hmmmm?)

"Your not the person I feel in love with, your angry and cold"

"You do not have respect because it is earned not given " (said this to the judge too when we went to court for the restraining order)

"I screwed up, I love you, I need you , please talk to me" (Screwed up? Nah)

"Go to the cops you F%$( Go go on go-you hairy a$$ blah blah" (drunk)

"Please drop the charges, I know I messed up I will leave you alone) (umm sober?)

Sick one's came into play too when the anger kicked in-

"Why don't you go get laid you need it" (after I'm sure he cheated again!)

"At least I know who my parents are" (I was adopted)

Really sick one:

"Why don't you just die, go dig up your husband and crawl in with him-he probably died because of you anyway" (Super drunk)

"Can I go to your husbands grave and put flowers" (sober?Well not sober just no booze in him at the time.)

Also I actually was at full blown codie status when I found out that he was on a dating site-

I made up a profile and e-mailed with him for about two weeks-(Of course I did not excist I was the "Sick relationship" he just got out of and I was this that quack quack-he had no idea it was me-I set up a night to go and meet him as this girl-and as the "sick girlfriend" I said what are we doing tonight? He said I have to go somewhere at 7pm but will call you when I'm done and we can go get something to eat" (Caught him on that lie about a week later and admitted the whole thing, of course to this day he never knew it was me on the dating site)

After we broke up (still doing the codie/alkie dance) he was dating someone (gee you would think he could have dated SOBERITY) and I guess she caught on and dumped him and guess who's fault that was?! Ha Ha Me -->

elizabeth1979

This is priceless..
Would it be out of the question?
Ya think?

Pick-a-name

LOL!! My exAh gave me the same reaction when I did NOT make casseroles!!! hahaha (and no left-overs!!)

He never liked what we were eating towards the end and it was a crap-shoot if he would be home,so I cooked on the grill or what the kids and I liked. I asked him what HE would like and he nixed almost everything there was (no chicken,hamburger,ham,pork,etc.,etc...) and settled for left-overs and casseroles!! hahaha

ritabee

I keep coming up with more and more and more.....

When I told him how much he had hurt me by spending every night at the strip bars...
"Well you hurt me by not keeping your apartment clean" (a slightly cluttered 2 bedroom apartment with 2 teenage girls and 2 cats is not DIRTY..and he doesn't even live here!)

"Drinking has never been a problem in any of my relationships" (4 failed marriages, many live-in girlfriends etc.)

"Stop stalking me" (when I drive past the bar 1/2 block away on our street to get home)

"I don't know that!" (when I tell him I don't do things that he does)

"Do you have a problem with porn?"

"Every time I find something I like to do you try and take it away from me" (after I commented on his playing ***** Pool for 8 straight hours, chatting with women the entire time)

"These bottles were from a long time ago"

"You only kiss me to try and smell booze on me" (supposedly not drinking, and I can smell stale booze at 50 paces lol)

"I'm not drinking dear, its the alcohol in the AXE cologne"

"I'm not drinking. I CAN'T drink. If I do it will kill me"

"Don't come back here until you trust me"

"I'm as honest as the day is long" (maybe in Alaska in winter)

denny57

OMG, I forgot about that one; AH started addressing my emails Dr. Denny

(((rz)))

LaTeeDa

Oh yeah. I remember that. It means I'll be back sometime (hopefully) before tomorrow. LOL

cagefree

This is the BEST thread ever!

"I was only thinking before...I stopped that and now I'm in touch with my emotions"

After starting Anti-depressants
"Wow this stuff is great! If only I had been using this when you kicked me out..."

"It's been so great to see you so happy, I've never seen you so happy. Look, I don't have it in me to do this anymore, I need some time away from you..."

When I kicked him out he proposed 3 times in a week.
Proposal number 1:
"Why don't we, you know, remove the ex part and get back together and replace it with more than boyfriend and girlfriend?"
Proposal number 2:
"I don't have a ring, so I took a piece of dental floss and tied a knot to symbolize my love for you"
Proposal number 3:
"Why don't we get married so I can stay"

ex: we need wine for our party
me: but no one drinks
ex: it's for my mom
me: you said she was a recovering alcoholic
ex: she like to have a glass every now and then

"I don't like AA, it depresses me"
"In AA they call Al-anon the dark side"
"It's me not you, we're incompatible"
"I can understand why you could hate me, but maybe I'll hear from you?"
"My coworker told me to break up with you which is why I acted like a jerk so you'd kick me out - I'm not trying to put the blame on him, but it had a lot to do with it."

ex: have you talked to your counselor yet about being my girlfriend again?
me: no, I'm not ready to trust you
ex: It's been 4 months!

denny57

"Ask your therapist, she'll tell you how unreasonable you are." (She, and HIS therapist told me to GET OUT!)

elizabeth1979

"You are lucky, no other man would put up with you. You will end up alone"

AllTooSober

"Noone else will ever love you like I do!"

Good grief, I hope he's right!!

Shawn

Double post sorry

Shawn

well I'm 23 and I feel the same as you. We all say stuff in desperation we regret sometimes, and if we think about it we are "all" guilty of the same stuff. sarcastic hurtful remarks breed sarcastic hurtful remarks.

Rella927

Ha Ha Ha I got this one too!

"I would give you the world if you let me"

Rella927

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosalie
I find nothing amusing about any of this and can't see how it has anything to do with supporting each other. We need to build up,not tear down.(Maybe I am just an old Granny!)



If you Denny57 post in regards to this you will understand better possibly that we are not doing this as an attack:

Denny57 "Humor is a great release in recovery. Sometimes dark humor is best. Come to think of it, some of the best dark humor I've heard is in the rooms of Al-Anon and AA."




I have a question for our A's out there (Great Taz you have me going to spell out now LOL)

Question: Are we offending any of you out there by doing this? (seeing as some have even joined in)

I believe as other codies and A's this is very helpful for those in recovery! I'm sure others would agree to what Denny said

WantsOut

Shawn, anyone who has dealt with an alcoholic and doesn't find these amusing is someone who hasn't been in recovery long enough. These threads save lives ... they save codies like me from wasting their lives away ... they help addicts recognize their own BS. I love this thread.

We've even had reverse ones with "things enablers say". They are just a poignant, sharp, and insightful.

Seeking Wisdom

Upon finding cold bottles of wine in stuffed a very warm bag that had previously stored for months in his car trunk parked outside in 100 degree heat.........
"I have no idea how those got in there-must have been there from last winter"

After coming home close to an hour late from an AA meeting and finding bottles of wine in his trunk ........
"I decided to stop by the office and pick those up so I could throw them away"

Upon returning from an hour long car trip to a grocery store 5 minutes from our house just to pick up just one item ... and forgetting the one other item I had asked him to pick up........
"I walk really slow"

And of course, the all time classic ... after stumbling down the hall way and running into a wall .........
"I haven't been drinking, my sinuses are just bothering me"

BeerPolice

Too good of a thread.

" If it wasnt for me, you would be nowhere"
" I dont have any friends, you drove them away cause your a Witch pronounce with a B"
" Some other woman would be happy if I were her husband "
" I deserve to drink, I work outside all the time "
" Im tired, not drunk "
" Your crazy, Im not drunk - as he falls down the stairs"

Also did you all know that Beer used to grow in our fridge. He just bought a case and barely had any, It just keeps re -filling itself. Wish my bank could grow some
money.

Astro

He!l no!! This has been so enlightening and helps me to remember and recognize my lunacy.

I lied to my ex about quitting chewing tobacco too. I finally stopped two months before I quit drinking. But I used to look her in the eye, smile and I'd have bits of tobacco stuck in my teeth and my breath would smell like it, and I'd swear to her that I hadn't been chewing. I actually expected her to buy my BS, and then of course I'd get pissed and defensive when she didn't. Unreal.

Astro

Bottomless case of beer trick. I'd take two out and replace them with two from the case I hid in my truck.

We know that you're not stupid and can see through our lies and deception, but give us a chance and we'll make you believe you're going crazy.