minnie

"With you, I have become open, honest and I sincerely hope, trustworthy."

"The future will entail me being honest with you in every aspect of our life together. I promise that you will never feel more loved adored and respected."

"I will not hide booze from you or drink in secret."

"Can you be persuaded...if not by a week with me, then just a Hot week in Jamaica in March. I know it will do me good and think hopefully that it would be good for you too." - 3 months after we had split up - 5 weeks later he went with a woman he'd known for 2 weeks. Any port in a storm, I guess.

Most of mine seem fairly innocent, until you realise they are all total BS like everyone elses. Quack, quack, quack.

AskingWhy

WOW. I've heard most of those....and...

"If you didn't have this holier than thou attitude"

"Some people take nerve pills to wind down and sleeping pills to help them sleep. I drink. Would you rather me be addicted to pills?"

"If I could get a prescription to Xanax I wouldn't have to drink"

"I'm a bad Mother" (said sarcastically)

There's more. I just can't even remember them all right now.

Tess L

How about "I've been really good lately, I've been able to cut down"
Me: oh? How much did you have today?
Him: "I've only had 16-18 drinks"
What??!!!!!!!!!

TexasGirl

"Where did I leave my credit card?"

"But I didn't know that a 3rd DWI would still be a felony since my 2nd was just charged as a 1st." Right, so another 2nd would have been okay then....

"I wasn't drinking when I hit that tree. I just fell asleep."

prodigal

As usual, I missed this thread when it was first posted ... maybe I should take a break from this pain-in-the-butt course work more often!!!

"I never promised you I wouldn't drink again." (Said two months out of rehab # 3)

Addressed to me by AH: "I believe you are an alcoholic and you definitely need an anger management course, and I'm afraid that you may try to kill me again." (This from a man who has been in jail twice, gotten two DUI's, almost lost his job twice, been in three detox/rehabs, and who single-handedly ripped the door off a closet in a hotel room looking for his wallet.)

"The Army is so serious. Nobody understands what I've been through or how I feel." (Justifcation for being an A.)

"If you get a job, I'll go to AA and get a sponsor." (I wasn't aware that sobriety was negotiable.)

"What's wrong with starting a vacation by drinking at 7 am? Maybe if you'd get up earlier with me, I wouldn't start drinking!" LOL!!!!!!

Love this thread ... what they say goes from the downright-stupid to truly insane.

CBPete

Ex: Why did you throw my mattress out

Me: Because it stank of you peeing and puking all over it

Ex: It wasn't me

Me: Who was it then

Ex: The kids

Me: But they're 13.5 and 15 and haven't slept in it for years

Ex: It was you then

Me: Errr Nope

Ex: The dog ?

Me: Wrong again

Ex: Well it's my mattress and I liked it

Nice

rabye

I am a cocaine addict and I think my boyfriend is sick of these two, (by the way, he did not know i was doing in the other room many times) but am sure he guessed after months of these quotes:-

" have to see the doctor my sinuses are really bad"
" Have terrible insomnia"
" ate like a pig today so can't eat"
"Please don't sleep, lets stay up and chat"
" hey, wake up, i cant sleep, want to chat"

and he nearly left me, well actually did once, cause he said he found it very annoying that i could never chill out and stop fidgeting and that i always needed to be entertained.

So I quit doing it around him, and you know what things got so so much better. So thanks for this post it reinforced how my addiction did not look too cool.

prodigal

"I'm going to 'the store.' Do you need anything?"

"You hate me! YOU HATE ME!!!"

"You were just looking for a sugar daddy."

"Well, you got to live in MY house for free for nine months." (He was in Iraq; we were married ...)

"Huh? I'm not THAT drunk!" (followed by a slow slide down to the floor ...)

denny57

"I'm going to leave all my money to my brothers because you've had the privilege of living with me in this house all these years." (2 years later I have the house and money and no alcoholic to verbally and emotionally abuse me)

"I'm gonna go meet ________ for "a" beer." (tallest beer on earth I guess, home 6 hrs later)

"If you lost some weight maybe I'd want to have sex with you." (size 8)

"My father never cheated on my mother; why would I cheat on you?" (wtf?)

"I hate when all we have to drink is this white wine. It ruins the buzz." (drank it anyway)

"I'm going to burn in hell for all the things I've done to you." (had some Al-Anon - held my tongue)

kglast

"well, i just woke up and you aren't here...i am assuming i have something to apologize for"..ya think???

"i really don't think i am an alcoholic"

"i don't remember anything after you left"

"i haven't taken a sober breath since you left..."

"i thought you were different...."

rabye

early in the morning infront of your mum.

" oh, i think i am allergic to acohol, only had one drink and its made me so sick".

care4uNJ

"what is your problem?"

"you just don't understand me"

"I don't feel good, it must have been something I ate last night"

"So, I had a few beers, what the hell is the big deal"

Pick-a-name

LOL!
for me:
Q: How do you know you are an alcoholic?

A: You always "only drank two"!

I swear I have never heard another answer,unless it was "a couple" or "just a few"!!!

Ellelove89

mine always said
" you will never leave me you couldn't support yourself if you tried"

or

"I know I messed up but I would be there for you" ( this was always said with a four letter words thrown in )

mallowcup

"I'll be right back"
"It must have been a wrong number"
"You let people take advantage of you"

Janitw

"You shoulda taken of your man Jan..."
"I lost my wedding ring - again?"
"Do you think a sober W is gonna love you any more than this drunk one?"
"You're seeing things woman..."
"YOU are why I drink"
"Don't knock it till you try it"
"You never party with me"
"You should have sat next to me in the truck - like she does" (we have a console)

I can go on and on and on.....

MTBChick

I couldn't resist this thread.... This one is going to be long by me I am posting a letter that my ex-abf sent to the other woman when she dumped him last July after learning he was still drinking and had also just learned that he had cheated on both me and her. To explain my ex-abf and I were together for 4 1/2 years. During the last five months of our relationship he was cheating on me with this other woman (she had no clue that he had another gf). Also, when you read this keep in mind that my ex-abf only broke up with me after I found him drunk in his apartment the end of Jan 06 (this was 3 1/2 months after he had moved back here and 5 months after he had started cheating on me with her) Its filled with a bunch of quack quack quack that I'm sure all of you have heard..In my opinion it could be taken as heartfelt but when it comes out of the mouth of an A after they have been caught red handed its a bunch of BS!!

Here is the email

Dear ______,(i.e. the girl he started cheating on me with during the last five months of our relationship and then continued to date for another 4 ½ months after our relationship ended)

Well, there’s a lot I want to get out, and I’m not sure what order it all needs to go in or how it’s all going to spill out here, so I’m just going to start writing. None of what I’m going to say is intended in any way to try to “fix” or explain much of anything, but is information you deserve to hear and know. I’m sure I’m not going to cover everything or say everything “right” or otherwise convey everything properly, but you deserve this attempt at least. Hopefully, it can begin to provide some closure. I’ve caused you pain, self-doubt, and completely broken your trust – you have every right to be pissed, and to feel betrayed and cheated. And you should feel those things. So…

You are a kind, generous, thoughtful, and wonderful woman. You are an honest and loyal friend to your friends. That is what I love about you and what attracted me to you. And in all fairness, those are things that I saw in MTBChick too at the start of her and my relationship. MTBChick and I had typical relationship issues, especially long-distance stuff, but my drinking was what destroyed anything good that we ever had together. Over time, I allowed it to erode and destroy her trust and confidence in me through an ever-increasing web of lies and deception I spun to protect my drinking. I didn’t then, and never have framed it those simple terms to my self (“Must lie to hide drinking”), but that was what was happening. Living in my own head doing that made me incredibly unhappy, and obviously, it continuously made the relationship between MTBChick and I worse – I would either drown myself in work or run away to more comfortable social relationships that I viewed as “successful” – drinking buddies or shallow physical rendezvous. Short-term, empty ways to re-assert to myself that I was not a social failure/disaster. But very cheap, horrible, and empty. I would leave those experiences immensely guilty (of course I knew better), and then try to make things better with MTBChick (“I’ll fix it THIS time”) – fully blaming myself for being a weak and shameful person, but not brave enough to admit it to anyone. I was so unhappy with my self and my inability to right my wrongs – I didn’t have any answers and never considered asking for help. Sure, there were times / phone calls / emails / etc MTBChick and I had together when I was very hope-filled that things could be better, but soon realized that I had surrounded myself in such a shitstorm of lies and deceit that I couldn’t even begin to find my way out. I was constantly petrified. I lied more to protect other lies in hopes that it would ALL just somehow go away or otherwise get better if I ignored problems or pushed “problems” away (and that includes concerned friends and family), or buried problems deeper in crap.

MTBChick

How I treated MTBChick was slimy, cruel, and inexcusable. I was unhappy, yes, but she was not to blame for all of that and I wish I had the courage to be honest with her a long time ago. I didn’t. That’s pathetic and sad.

I’m not sure what you know about 12-step programs, but the first step in AA is “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable”. I’ve often thought that was the easy one. It wasn’t lost on me that alcohol was an extremely destructive force in my life. But it took me a long time to honestly accept and admit where (I perceived) alcohol had directly wrecked aspects of my life, and it wasn’t until this weekend that I finally have accepted that alcohol had wrecked and messed with EVERY aspect of my life, not just some areas. Every relationship (friends, work, family) I have has been adversely affected, involving some level of lying or deceit to ultimately protect my drinking shenanigans. I no longer knew how to NOT do that; it had become so engrained and second-nature that I disassociated the lies, deceptions, pushing people away, etc from the drinking itself. When I’ve tried to get sober in the past, I didn’t even consider fixing all of those broken things in my life because I had convinced my self they were somehow separate from my drinking, and that if I could only stop drinking, then all of those things would somehow magically disappear or get righted. That was all kinds of wrong, of course.

Well, to get back to MTBchick and I, there were parallels between you and her. I know that if I was allowed to continue not being honest with you, our (you and me) relationship would have deteriorated soon too due to my pulling away. MTBChick and I had issues, but of course, my not being honest with her never gave us a fair chance. I pushed her, my family, and other friends away in an effort to protect and hide my behaviors and actions. There were times when I knew that very clearly, and that caused a lot of shame and hopelessness, but most of the time I was in denial of it.

MTBChick

I felt hope and an unexpected surprising sense of a fresh start with you. But I still had no way of dealing with the baggage I continued to accumulate and had no courage to face. Then I had built up in my head that my separation last fall would be some kind of new birth – a clean slate of sorts. I had grand plans to get sober, figure out this relationship with MTBchick face-to-face, re-engage with my family, etc, etc, etc… Somehow, I thought I would be magically enlightened and everything would be A-OK. I though once I got back home, that would be the time to deal with the mess I created for myself with you and MTBchick Well, not surprisingly, absolutely NONE of that happened. I never got sober because I was trying to do it for all the wrong reason (appease other people), and with the wrong intentions (simply quitting drinking is not the same as getting sober, but I still didn’t get that at the time). Bottomline, I wasn’t willing to admit and address my destructive behaviors/actions were tied very intimately to my drinking. I still believed that if I could just stop the drinking, then those issues would and lies would fade away and there would be some sort of Disney-esque ending. That’s BS.

I wasn’t willing to honestly and rigorously address and admit to my shameful behaviors and actions, and so I continued to drink. I understand now that I will never be successfully sober if I try to protect lies. It hurts to relive them after I’ve tried so hard to bury and otherwise mitigate them, but I need to for my own healing and, most importantly, because that’s the very least I owe you – accepting responsibility for doing those things and accepting that those lies, deceptions, and hurtful actions VERY directly hurt the people I cared for most. I didn’t want to have to admit that, face that, or be held accountable for that – I continuously took the cowardly way out and buried lies with more lies.

MTBChick

I am a coward. The guilt, shame, and unhappiness were a constant weight that I used alcohol to escape from, and so that whole vicious cycle continued on and on… Continuously getting worse and worse. It culminated with my making a half-ass attempt to hang myself when I was put in jail that Saturday in Name of State left out. Talk a bout a low place – here I was completely caught red-handed square in the middle of my web of lies to everyone. That was a rock-bottom for me. But even then, when I knew that most of my walls of deception had just crashed down violently around me, the two that didn’t (hiding our relationship from MTBChick, and my hiding so much from you) I still clung desperately to. It took MTBChick diming me out before I finally would admit to those two. That is all sorts of pathetic.

So, the point of that last paragraph wasn’t a “woe is poor little me” sympathy play. That’s just how bad and sad I was. Will I get sober this time around? I hope so. I know at least that I’m going into this program more “open” than I’ve been in as long as I can remember.

More rambling…

I’ve deeply hurt and betrayed many people, most importantly you, my family, and MTBChick. She cared very much for me, and despite everything that’s happened, I know she’d like for me to get sober and be in a better place. As I work my sobriety program in the future, I hope that I can make amends to her for the pain I have caused her.

I’m shocked that my family continues to patiently support me still after all of the pain and worry I have caused them over the years. I am very blessed to have them stand by my side still.