CE Girl

I'm about to move into a brand new place, in a brand new city, with a brand new job!!!! I should be EXCITED right?!?!?!?

Wrong

All I can think about is, it's truly the "test" of my boundry.

Because I have not physically SEEN my A in 7 weeks, or talked to him in almost 14 days. Ok, I had a slip on Friday, but I didn't tell him about the changes in MY life, as usual, it was all about him,,,

Anyway, as I futzed this weekend preparing to move, I had an overwhelming sadness and realization this was going to be "THE TEST" of how committed I am to my boundry with my A. He will not know where I live, nor where I'm working. the current "drama" of him contacting me at work, will no longer continue. I'm actually planniing on taking a week off before I start my new job. I've also agreed to stay on "consulting" with my current job until they find a replacement. However, I will not have access to company email or the cell phone they now provide.

Essentially, as far as my A is concerend, I have "disapeared"

For me, it means, I'll have to "mean what I say". Thus far, that has been difficult at best, even though I'l be the FIRST to complain about his anoying calls/emails, the truth us, as long as he was doing it, there was "contact". Even if I didn't respond.

My intellect is yet again grappling with my emotions.

It pretty much is taking the joy out of what should be an exciting time for me.

I'm afraid I'm gonna cave and email him the information

Hope I can pass this test

Peace

splendra

(((((CE Girl)))))))

Trust yourself and be very gentle with (((((you)))

mallowcup

I think what you aren't considering is that you will be meeting people who don't know about any of it. You a have a clean slate. You have a new place, a new job, and new chance to be whoever you want. You anticipate being the old person in a new place. You will be the new person in the new place. I would have a blast fixing up the new place to reflect the new me. Your new best friend is waiting to meet you. Your friendly new neighbors will be glad you moved in. You can be whoever you decide to be. You won't have time to think about him. The health and happiness of being out of the alcoholic toilet won't take long to manifest. Surround yourself in light bright colors with lots of plants. Fill that new place with plants and scented candles. It's all good!

Rella927

(((CE))))

(((CE)))

I will tell you from experience with the moving, the new job....do not tell him! I unfortunate moved and changed my job first-I had a friend (well thought this person was a friend) end up speaking to my A on a regular basis behind my back! Need I say more!

It is the drama and chaos that keeps the emotions grappling! To live without the chaos is the real test for yourself. Take care of YOU! Remember it is all about you right now, not him anymore! Enjoy the start of a new beginning and go to town SHOPPING and setting up that new home!

And to answer your question: YES BE EXCITED!!!!

CE Girl

I have thought about ALL the things you mention Minnie. In fact, the whole change is much more reflective of who I am, without my A. The timing is perfect, and I absolutely LOVE the new place I'm moving too. I have too, after all, I AM leaving my island.

For me, though its just so weird, not to tell him about the changes.

A little "button pushing" this morning too

Before we split, he was activily looking for employement closer to me. It appears by the email he wrote last week, he has a very real opportunity to actually get a job 20 min away from my new location. He doesn't know this, but, the one thing he DID say in his email this morning was, "I told you I would follow you"

Creepy

I know, shouldn't have read it.

I fluctuate and worry I'm becoming manic/depressive,,,lol. One moment I am "normie" excited about the move and job, thinking about ALL the opportunites that present itself. The area I'm moving too is more urban and very funky, a "fit" if you will. I also have friends that live inthe city, who do not know my A. the professional opportunites are a positive for my career. I get excited and a tad nervous about pulling it all off. then the depression comes in when I think about how wonderful this would have been for our "partnership" if my A wasn't such a BIG DOPE!!! It's the letting go of that dream again damn it!!!

Thanks Rella I needed that reinforcement.

Peace

Geez,,a bit of stress ya think?!?!?

MsGolightly

CE, i think that sounds so exciting and perfect! if the time is right, if he is sober and wants to be with you, i'm sure he'll find a way to find you. until that time, don't let him! i currently live in the same apt complex as my ex, and when my lease is up in august, i plan to move, and i'm excited about it. i haven't quite reached the point as you have about not wanting her to find me, but we still have some contact... i'll get there eventually.

the thought of moving, redecorating, making the place MY OWN really excites me! this is a huge step, good for you!

flwrchld

CE Girl, I admire your strength and courage, Good luck! and many prayers go out to you.

loveRoy

How exciting--a new start. You have the power to shape it and mold it. You will do great.

CE Girl

I don't know what I would do without you guys,,,Pointing out the OBVIOUS!!

Another roller coaster day with the A though. I know it sounds NUTS, but I think he's got a sixth sense!!! He keeps emailing asking if, "i'm seeing soemone else, or have made other changes?" Says he "just "knows" it".

Be gone!!

I just called to see if I could get into my new place tonite. I've decided to take some of your suggestions, and go measure the windows!! Truth be known, I just want to stand there and "visualize" what my new life will look like

Peace

chero

(((((CE))))))

You have a chance a lot of people only dream about! A brand new fresh start!

Don't tell him. If he is already threatening to follow you...YIKES! That should be warning enough!

You can do it, gal! Don't even think about it....1...2...3...JUMP!

CE Girl

You said it sista!! At least this time I ain't leaping offa some codie bridge!!!! Jumping onto the nice soft cloud that gonna take me places I only dreamed about.

Fresh start? i think your getting one yourself

Peace

chero

Maybe I am!?

If you ever see ME falter on the edge of that bridge, though....just go ahead and push me!

TexasGirl

Hi CE
I think it helps to keep this in mind....you can always reach back out and make contact with him down the road if you so desire. You knowing how to reach him while he can't reach you keeps you in control of the situation. And I bet in a few months, you will have no desire to reach back into that world again.

p.s. When I left, I too started a new job in a new city with a new place. XAH managed to find me with little difficulty. He called the utility company and told them he was my husband (true) and wanted to confirm the address on the account had been set up properly. Even though he was NOT LISTED on the account, they rattled off the address with no question. Those As are quite good at manipulating other people too....not just us.

CE Girl

Oh Brother TG, I hope he's true to form and doesn't CARE enough to try and find me.

In a strange way though, your post gives me comfort. Your right, I will still know how to contact him, should insanity ultimatly WIN this battle,,,

And then there is the little matter of my things,,I still have to make the trip to get them.

I've pushed that out of my mind. However, fully aware I have to "sort" on that one. my "plan" is to go to his house while he's at work. I still have the key. I'm down to the wire and still haven't done it. Wonder why?

What I've come up with is one of two reasons:

1.) I don't really WANT to get my things, cause that would be FULL closure

2.) i don't feel strong enough to be in that town/house

I feel like I need to figure out the reason before I go, so I can be semi prepared. Both reasons are scary to me

Also, I've decided I will do this myself. I've had lots of offers for support from family/friends to go with me. But I'm a suttborn injun. I don't want to put anyone out. Plus, if I fall apart, I don't want anyone to see that.

Crazy huh?

Peace

dollydo

He has no extra sensory powers, someone has leaked something to him. He is playing with you, it's a game.

A big move like you are planning will bring out all our insecurties, all our fears. This is normal.

You will be fine, everything will fall into place if you will allow it to happen.

We are in your corner,

CE Girl

Thank you Dolly Do I needed that at this particular moment. I think you might be right, someone has told him something. I recognize the "panic" in his voice.

Plus. Am I having a NIGHT with him!!!!

Peace

lilac

Yep, just let things "fall into place". It is scary, I know, but what you are doing will bring you to a new, exciting, and SERENE life ....... for YOU !

Be gentle with yourself, and know you are not alone here. (((Hugs)))

kglast

((((CE)))) - first of all, STOP reading his emails!!! he is keeping you on this roller coaster that way - don't let him! you are doing so great!!!

what about hiring movers to get your stuff - no putting anyone out, and no having to be in that house/town.

wait a minute, OMG, am i actually giving advice now?? have i turned a corner?? i sure hope so!!!!!

seriuously, ce, be patient with yourself and loving and understanding with yourself - but also be strong.

ok - heart pouding in my chest - xaf just called (gee, wonder what he is doing up making calls at this hour....) and i did not answer! yeah me!!! 7 days of no contact today and going strong....

CE Girl

Yes you are KG, and GOOD advice at that?!?!?!? Thank you love,,,

KG, you GO girl,,

Might I suggest, you go back to your very first post here on SR? I do that periodically when I need a "boost" and a reminder of how far I've come.

Peace