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Help how can I not have him in my life

Old 05-20-2007, 01:47 PM
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Fighting for happiness
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Question Help how can I not have him in my life

I love my father but every time I see him I want to beat the crap out of him. Two years ago my biggest problem was who I was going to take to homecoming and to day it is will my father die form an OD today. In Oct. of 2005 he was draged out my house in handcuffs because he refused med treatment after drinking to much and hitting his head a number of times, I was 16 and my mom was out of town that was the day he moved out. In the following weeks he proceeded to blame me for everything and still dose every chance he gets. Today me and my mom get a call form the local jail he was areested this morrowing for DWI with a 2.8 BAC that would kill you or me the leal limit is .8. What do I do how do I keep him in my life with out getting hurt. I have to go pick him up from jail and wanted to take him strat to rehab but no one place would call me back or take him the best I can do is drop him off at his house and hope he dose not drink tonight. I graduate from high school in three days and he will not be there and that hurts more than anything. He has been drinking to much for a long time at least 10 years or so but I don't know anymore. I am going to an out of state college do I just leave and never come back or do I fight? I know he loves me but I have a chance to get free do I take it?
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Old 05-20-2007, 01:57 PM
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Grab your chance for freedom! There's nothing you can do to help your father get sober. He has to decide to do that for himself, and it looks like he currently has no interest in that.

The best thing you can do for yourself is stop worring about something you have no control over and get on with your life. College will be a welcome diversion for you and it will put much distance between you and your father's drinking.

Now that summer vacation is upon you, it might be a good time to check out an Alanon group in your area. It will help you make the best decision for you.
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Old 05-20-2007, 02:07 PM
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Go to college and get the best education you can. You are so young with your entire life ahead of you. I have two daughters who understand your pain. You can not control other people, only yourself. Hold your head high and move forward. Post anytime.
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Old 05-20-2007, 02:11 PM
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Welcome Elle. It's an awful situation you are in, but I think the advice you have received is right on.

You have to live your own life. Take the chance you have now for freedom. You didn't make your father drink and you can't stop him either. You are only responsible for you!

Don't neglect youself! Seek out Alanon meetings! Read everything you can get your hands on...esp. the stickies at the top of the forums page. There is a lot of valuable information on here.

Learn from our experience...don't put your life on the back burner!!

Welcome to SR!
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Old 05-20-2007, 02:22 PM
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Colleges generally have counselling centers. Don't hesitate to seek help once you get away from home.
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Old 05-20-2007, 02:57 PM
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Red face

thanks to anyone even willing to listen I have just in the past few weeks turned 18 and not had to do every thing by my mother rules her idea of dealing with things is to not take about them and that has not help any one. Even though I now have to see if my father can walk a staright line before I can even think getting in the car with him I was forced to see him every week. It is nice to hear or see some one stand up for me and not be spoken down to because I am judgeing him or not being supportof. So thanks it means more than I can type.
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Old 05-20-2007, 03:04 PM
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We all have different ways of handling stress and dealing with the problems associated with living with an active alcoholic. Some folks, like your mother, cope best by refusing to talk about or deal with their problems, other folks like you and me like to deal with our issues head on. You mother is probably doing the best she can in a very difficult situation. You're just different people, that's all. I think the suggestion to take advantage of any counseling that your university has to offer is sound advice. Finding an Alanon or Alateen meeting in your area will also be a source of great help to you.

Also, pick yourself up a copy of Melody Beatty's book, "Codependent No More." It has helped many of us move on to happier lives. You can find it in your local bookstore under the Self Help section or you can order a copy online via this website.

Welcome to the forum.
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Old 05-20-2007, 04:21 PM
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Originally Posted by FormerDoormat View Post
Also, pick yourself up a copy of Melody Beatty's book, "Codependent No More." It has helped many of us move on to happier lives. You can find it in your local bookstore under the Self Help section or you can order a copy online via this website.

Welcome to the forum.
An excellent read - I wish I'd picked it up a long time ago.

Welcome Ellelove - and lots of hugs to you.
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Old 05-20-2007, 04:21 PM
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Dream big dreams for yourself. College will be a wonderful experience. Many new doors will open for you. Keep your head up and know that your entire life awaits. Peace to you and your family. Keep posting and keep reading.
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Old 05-20-2007, 06:17 PM
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Question believe it or not

He SAID that he will go to rehab but I will believe it when I see it but hee is mad but it has been 6 hours since my mom has left to pick him up I guess they went to get his car. I don't know I believe I will stop thinking intill Aug 23 thanks again
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Old 05-20-2007, 06:46 PM
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Welcome, Elle.

Please know that you are not alone here. I agree with FormerDoormat in that your mom is dealing with things her way, which is different from your way of dealing with things.

Go to college, put some distance between you and your father. It is up to him to stop all of this madness. Al-anon meetings might be something YOU can try.
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:56 PM
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I think it might be a different story if your mother was asking for you not to leave and help her. She is doing what she needs to do. Go get your education and start your life.
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