Coming home...
 

Well, thanks to all of you first and foremost for offering me your support and words of wisdom as I've been dealing with my boyfriend's relapse. Ultimately, I discovered that he had relapsed not only on alcohol, but on GHB. The withdrawals from this can be fatal, and I had to check him into a detox on Tuesday. He's coming home today.

The first few days of his detox I spent clearing out his various stashes - found components of GHB, analogous supplements, testosterone and needles, and an empty bottle. I had been very good about respecting his privacy, so none of this was hidden all that cleverly. I probably spent about a good 2 hours searching in unneccessary places, but it helped with my peace of mind. I realize that once he comes home whether or not he brings something new into the house is beyond my control, but I wanted to remove any immediate temptation from our environment.

He has apologized, and did not try to deny his use. He even filled in some of the blanks in my reconstruction of his relapse. We discussed the different circumstances leading to his relapse, and he's aware that it could've been prevented. He's clear that I will not stand by and watch him self destruct, and any future errors in judgement may result in the end of our relationship.

I'm still nervous about him coming home, but I'm in a better place today than I have been in the past couple of days. Not sure if any of you have seen GHB withdrawals, but it's truly terrifying. He couldn't stop shaking, and his hallucinations and delusions put him almost completely out of touch with reality. I told him that I don't think I can watch him go through that again.

I still love him, and I want to give him a chance to change. He's got his AA friends, his mother, his psychiatrist, and a strong desire to pick up the pieces all going for him right now. My hopes are high, but at this point I know that I have to put my self-preservation first and foremost from here on.

You said it yourself KittyNat, focus on yourself :)

I know the "twisting" your expereincing. In my case, it resulted from trying to NOT get my hopes up to PRAYING he could do it this time. See how they work against each other? Twisting

I'm learning the only way to stop that, is to have a "plan" that only involves me. What do I need to do to keep the focus on MY recovery and let him handle his?

Tough question, but if you think about it, you'll soon have your OWN plan

Peace

Thank you forthe update, hope his homecoming goes well.
Wanting the best for you both. Keep us posted.