Relapse Update
 

He showed up at therapy. The SH-T hit the fan this time around. Do you know he had the gall to blame this drinking on the weather, to relax. that the marrage is terrible. And to boot, just as I had felt, he has been drinking. Surprize surprize. I did alot of crying at first, but then got a hold of myself. He really showed his true colors the counsler. Told her I dont show him love, cheerfulness, not enough sex and the usaul quacking. I was blown away. I asked him how can I give you all these things when over the years you took everything out of our marriage. As for sex. Yeah right like Im gonna do that just to make him happy. Those days are over. If I dont want to Im not going too. So towards the closeing she kept asking him what is his plan to keep this famly together. AA meetings, out patient program? I said either you want to get sober for yourself or we are done. Im not living this way. He stands up and says we are getting separated and happy anniversary to you. ( the 18 th is our 16 year ann.) Then walks out. So I leave because I dont know what he will do before I get home. DD was home by herself she is 15. By the time I get home he is outside cleaning the patio. I look at him and say well what are you doing here? He says to me, well your the one who wants to get separted so what do you want. I said leave if you want to leave, get sober on your own if that is what you choose. Im done supporting you this is something you have to do for your self. He looks at me and says Well I guess I will go to AA meetings they are stupid but maybe they will help?
Now you know this is never going to work, He never had the nerve to leave. Hey why should he ? He has it pretty darn good right.? So Ive made a plan, Ive been saving some money here and there without his knowledege. Im gonna see if he goes to a AA meeting or not. Im going to detach myself from all of this. My DD comes first and Im gonna stash as much money as I possible can. Might as well collect his paycheck for now. But I will say the next time I think he is drinking that will be the end of it all and I will make sure he leaves. Im all twisted in knots, not know what to do or say. I think for today maybe I should just try to stay focused on work. I asked DD how she is and she seems ok. Upset but not over the top. I cant stand this anymore. If I had enough money saved he would be gone. I cant stand the fact that money is what is holding me back, but I cant do anything or move without enough to cover things. I have no family all have passed. Some close friends but not enough to move everything out. I need movers to do that. Which takes money. Im sick of this. This marrage is over, this is never going to work out. I feel that in my gut feelings. He is not going to stop drinking, he showed that yesterday. He is just pretending. Im not living a pretend life anymore. Seems my thoughts arent as clear as I thougth and this seems like Im rambling. Just needed to get it out. Thanks for all your respoinses. I hate the fact there there are so many of us living this way. But comforted by the amount of advise and caring. Thank you so much. ~ Deb ~

i'm so sorry. take care of YOU. you deserve a peaceful life. hugs, k

Sounds like in all that you DO have a plan, BP, so you're right - today maybe just concentrate on work. I spun myself in circles when I was confronting something big - like leaving. Take your time, be good to you and your daughter. Maybe it doesn't seem that way today, but it will work out ok as long as you stay focused on your goal - how long it takes in the end will not matter.

Take care. ((()))

Funny how us codies use the same descritption to describe what our A's do to us,,,

I'm sorry it coming out the way it is for you, but for me, the way you describe how you are feeling was the impass for me.

I felt sort of "stuck" but that because putting the foot in front of the other led me out the door. I knew it, and frankly, had to "digest" it. Like you, I made "deals" with myself though,,"if he doesn't go to AA, if he doesn't see his counselor, if he drinks again"

What it ultimatly came down to for me was when was I going to STOP the idle threats and say what I mean, and mean what I say.

I was doing fine with the first part, but not following through with the second part.

You'll know when you've reached the bottom.

Peace

Hang in there Bp you will do the right thing when the time comes. But boy do they love to talk all tough and then,oh, um, DUH! How stupid do they think we are?

<<hugs>>

at least he didn't blame his drinking on his pulse or blood pressure..... the weather is a more reasonable excuse.

I'm no expert - but your thoughts sound right on!

:)