free2be

We are going to see the Judge today about our divorce. I am so anxious and nervous. Not for me, but for him. This letting go thing is very difficult. Over the years our relationship became one of a mother and son. My gut instinct as his "mother" is protect him and guide him. Watching him spiral downwards is so difficult. I need to let go. I am trying to put myself, my kids and our future first. trying to justify to myself that what I am doing is the right thing. I am not seeking anything out of anger or bitterness. He can not be trusted. His choices and decisions right know are irrational. He doesn't care anymore, about anything or anybody. I have to do what I have to do. Just trying to convience myself.......trying to let go.......

chero

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Free!

ICU

[QUOTE=free2be;1335022]Over the years our relationship became one of a mother and son. My gut instinct as his "mother" is protect him and guide him. Watching him spiral downwards is so difficult. I need to let go. QUOTE]

There was definitely some of that dynamic in my relationship with my ex too. Without going into it too much, it was a need in him to have a mom, and it was a need in me to be needed.

I wish you strength today Free. I'm sure it will be difficult to some degree, letting go always is! But I'm sure you'll get through it. We'll all be here for you when you get back.

mallowcup

I know it's hard. By the end of the day, court will be over. If you need to feel better about things, consider what life would be back if you took him back. Even if you have only taken a what seems to be a few steps, you have made the hardest steps. You don't want to go back and considering going back just shows you how far you've really come. I have been exactly where you are at. While you anticipate a man broken and hopeless, be prepared for him to be nasty and caustic. I had anticipated my ex sitting there broken and crumbling without me. He did the best thing he could have done, he had a bar fly woman waiting for him outside court. Even now he will want you to be sorry you let him get away.
Tonight I would plan an emacipation night with the kids. Eat a junk food dinner and stay up too late watching TV and playing the music too loud. Maybe you can BBQ. Dance around like maniacs. Start doing all the things that you couldn't do when he was in the house. Have some freinds over. let the kids have some friends over. A package of hot dogs cooked on a stick in the back yard on a camp fire is fun. You are officailly allowed to have fun. I promise you, in a month or so, you will be the happiest and most relaxed you've been in years.

Tazman53

Good luck today and be strong.

If you feel a moment of weakness think about your kids having to be exposed to an active alcoholic. You are doing the best thing you can for your children, your self, and him!

Until the only thing he has left to face is his alcoholism alone he will never have a chance to recover.

Your kids deserve to be raised in a home with out an active alcoholic father!

You deserve to make yourself and your kids number one, because as long as he is still drinking, to himself, his number one will be himself and his bottle.

Rella927

Yup! Same here with my relationship with the X to watch them sprial is the worst feeling because we are powerless over them and their addiction. It is an awful thing.

Please know that you are doing what is right for you and your children although you may not see it right now-someday you will! And if he is anything like ALOT OF OUR A'S in SR he will will see it too-I almost take comfort in seeing the posts from our recovering A's and the wonderful inspirational advice they give to us-it makes me feel that I let go and let God take my A and pray and forgive him that he will one day want to make the right choices for his life, and if not that is not my problem anymore. Sad but true-I'am my problem!

Prays and ((((BIG HUGS)))) for you and your children!

parentrecovers

hey free2be,

you're making a good decision, for you and your children. i know it's not an easy day for you, so i'm sending extra prayers and hugs your way.

blessings, and let us know how things go - k

denny57

Good luck today, free2be. I'm in a similar position regarding doing the right thing vs. protecting. It isn't easy. Stay focused. ((()))

free2be

It was probably the most pathetic scene ever. We were scheduled to be in court at 9 am. at 9:30 the Judge called us in. AH wasn't there he had gotten off the wrong exit. By the time he arrived, Judge had another case and asked if attorneys could work things out and if they would agree to have clerk sign off on evrything. They agreed. I got everything I had asked for. I should be happy and feel as though I finally have some closure and I am on the right path, but of course I am worried about him. I am not sure if he is able to handle the added stress. I am not sure if he is going to be able to afford it.

Mallow, I like your advice, we are going to have a little shin dig tonight. Me and the kids.

Thanks for all your kind words thoughts and prayers.......

denny57

Glad to hear it went your way, free. My thinking these days go this way: perhaps not being able to handle the added stress is just what is needed to start the road to recovery. Who knows? I rest pretty darn easy knowing that what I tried to do for 15 years didn't work. I helped him stay sick.

free2be

denny, you are so right.. Maybe after he is done feeling sorry for himself and blaming me, maybe he'll be forced into taking some reponsibility. One can only hope.
I hope he complys with all the terms, I think right know he will cause he needs to prove to me that he is able to handle everything without me to guide him. Hopefully, this will force him into being a parent, on his scheduled visitations he is required to bring the kids to and from all activities, birhtday parties, playdates and sleepovers etc.... Welcome to my world....