rosie323

Hi Everyone - I have been working on detaching from my SO who wanted a break for 2 weeks while he is in recovery. It has been 13 days that I have not contacted him, heard nothing from him either. I have been doing well, focusing on me - but today feel like I am back to where I started. My best friend just called me that she got invited by him to a party he is having on Friday! I am so upset!!!! I then find out he also invited my 2 other best friends. What a JERK! When we spoke of this break, since we have some friends in common, I made it very clear on numerous occasions that I did not want him contacting or hanging out with my 3 closest girlfriends. He agreed he would stay away! In the beginning of this break, he did contact them and I would get very upset with him since it is hard for me to move on when I am hearing things about his life and how happy he is, etc, so he said he would not.

Anyway - I am very hurt now. Here I have been thinking poor guy, his life must be a mess. He must miss me and be very sad and will contact me at some point. But now, he is organizing a fancy party and being so disrespectful by inviting the 3 people I told him not to contact! He could have emailed me just a heads up that he is doing this and doesn't want to make me upset. He is the one that wanted a break for 2 weeks, which is tomorrow - so he could have invited me if he cared at all too. This has now ruined my day - what a jerk, doesn't care a bit about my feelings!

parentrecovers

oh. i'm so sorry. it sounds hurtful. are your friends going? (just curious and maybe none of my business).

rosie323

thank you - that is a good question. I was worried too that they may go. 2 friends said no way, one may go. In the end everyone just wants to go have a good time! Thank you for your support!

cmc

Hi,
I'm sorry you are so upset. I realized in Alanon and by coming here that I cannot control what others do. No contact would mean...no email?

It's my decision to listen to what people want to say. If I know that my words would hurt a friend- I would be silent on the matter.

parentrecovers

well, plan a nice something for yourself that eve. blessings, k

ICU

Ouch! I'm sorry for how that must make you feel.

But, it makes me wonder if he's inviting your 3 best girlfriends to get a reaction out of you...to test the waters!

queenteree

ICU - I was thinking the same thing, he either a) wants a reaction out of her or b) he's still drinking and having that stinkin thinkin. If he was honestly in recovery, how could he plan this all out bash, unless it's a "no alcohol" bash (which I highly doubt, unless I missed something here). Doesn't sound too good for recovery, does it. Rosie, please do something nice and fun for yourself that night, and I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now.
QT

Cynay

I hate when that happens............

But I need to point out you are doing alot of assuming .... that he is happy, that he is trying to be a jerk etc....

I learned early in Al-anon that I can not "make" anyone do anything. It is times like this that the true colors come out and even when they are hurtful.... the truth will set you free hon.

CE Girl

Do you think he may be sending you a message?

I know, each time my A went into "recovery" he "changed". Of course, it was clarity and crankiness. I thought he was mean when he was drunk, it was NOTHING compared to when he was sober. I'm thinking that crap is part fo their actual personality

Stay Strong
Peace

denny57

(((rosie))) If he cares about your feelings, right now it's about hurting them. I wouldn't even worry about giving that much credit, actually.

What can you do on Friday that gets you out of the house? How about you and your 2 friends who aren't going plan a big night? There may come a point where it's best to spread the word you want to hear nothing about him.

Take care of you.

rosie323

Thank you - you are right! My sister is going to come up for the weekend so going to try to have a fun night with her and a few friends. I have told people many times that I do not want to hear anything about him, still people talk to me and tell me things - nobody really cares if it bothers me!

Thank you all - means so much to me!

hopeangel

he is so trying to get a reaction out of you. my ah does the same thing. it is usually when he feels he is losing control. they want to drag you back in. just don't take the bait. trust me, a newly sober or recovering A will do just about anything to justify going back to drinking or continue the chaos. trust me i know, when my ah was sober he completely destroyed my house -we're talking tearing down complete walls and everything!!! he continued to wreck it till he wore himself out and went back to drinking.

imho -i would be more concerned about why my best friends are having conversations with him. it sounds like your friends might not be respecting you either.

cmc

rosie,
Well...it sure looks like alot of people here care about you!

That's great that your sister is coming up to spend some time with you. I hope you plan a fun night and enjoy all the good company!

minnie

Rosie, hon, That post is all about him. Share with us what you are doing to focus on you.

I had to learn that what he did was none of my business unless I let it be so - and that was usually to my detriment. Also, letting someone show me who they really are gave me all the cues I needed to make some healthy decisions in my life.

Pick-a-name

I guess he wanted to make sure you heard about this........ Maybe thinking of some way for you to break your silence with him. JMHO

Sorry you are hurting. Doesn't sound like the kind of thing a guy with a few weeks of serious recovery would be doing to me..... (ie what about his 90 in 90,etc.,etc besides the obvious triggers etc., involved with a party with old friends...hmmmmm)

Just me, but I think this seems like it might be for "your benefit". Right this minute it is "working"...with the focus right back to him and what he is or is not doing....ugh; I hear the faint noise of the merry-go-round he is trying to start back up.

Sunflower

wow what a mean guy--you deserve so much better! I wouldn't let anyone know it was bothering me--not even my friends--I wouldn't give him the satisfaction!!!
You plan something for you and your sister or a frriend.....so sorry you are hurting!((((HUGS)))))

kglast

sorry you are hurting rosie....i am in a similar place.....((()))