BeerPolice

Hi, Well we had our first (admited) relapse. He admitted he drank yesterday. Not a full blown binge but a quart. Called the counselor and made an appointment the counselor for today. I was calm-(amazing to DD and him) Told him he needs to work a program and better figure out in his own head whether or not he wants to live sober and have his family or choose to live the life he wants. Cut and dry. Yesterday I was disappointed and hurt. Today I'm angry. NOT playing a pretend life. NOT going backwards. Scared but confident I could survive on my own.

Trusting in God that things will work out one way or another. When I Talked to councser on the phone she is pretty upset and said she will tell him that way its going to be or hit the highway. The only thing I'm worried sick about is if I have to move (which I will have too, I cant afford that house) How would I do that. Again I need to trust in God that it will happen. I don't think I'm going to be able to live the life of relapse, I don't want to be supportive anymore. I don't want to rely on someone else to make me or my life whole. I don't want to be strong anymore. I don't want craziness anymore. See I know what I don't want now.

And will not tolerate this anymore. Surprising enough, I feel somewhat calm. I think he was so shocked I didn't freak out that he didn't really know what to do at first-but then you could see the attitude, like its no big deal. He asked me if I was going to be mad all night. I looked at him and said how would you expect me to feel. I slept on the couch.

Being supportive, being there with him to help him thru this. Blah Blah Blah. Who is holding my hand, Who is being supportive of my needs. Besides myself. and a few freinds. I know IM not suppose to take this personal. But how can I not. He thinks seeing a counsler is going to cure him. I dont know if he is even going to show up tonight. I called and told him and hung up. And to boot we were suppose to go away this weekend for our 16 year anniversary. Yeah right, like I want to celerbrate that.
Im sure this in not the first time. Ive been having this feeling for quite sometime. He just couldnt hide it last night. Im angry. Very angry. Im sorry I havent posted in a some time now. Ive been reading alot . Thank you for listening to me and venting.

denny57

((((BeerPolice))))

Did you ever start the Al-Anon meetings? I understand your fear about where will I live, that was one of my gut reactions, too. Everything has worked out fine for me so far, 18 months down the road. I believe now may be the time to surround yourself with all the support you can find. It helps.

Hanginon

We are in very similar situations. My Ah gets out of detox tonight, our 15th anniversary. I also don't know what there is to celebrate at this point.
Thanks for the info in your post. Stay strong.

parentrecovers

hugs to you. relapse is stressful. blessings, k

BeerPolice

My work schedule changed, and with my DD schedule it doesnt make time for the meetings.( I know it sounds like an excuse) But I will say I borrowed books on it, and read as much as possible on the subject. Being in therapy has helped alot, but not enough just quite yet.

loveRoy

We didn't survive that last relapse. Have been on my on since March. Not easy, in some ways, after 31 years of marriage but ever so easy in most ways. So glad that when I leave work today I will know what I face when I open the door--a dog and a cat. Hang in there. Keep reading and keep posting. This board has been my salvation.

CE Girl

Your post is bringing up so many BAD memories of that familiar "twisting" feeling each and every time my A relapsed

The first time? I curled up in a fetal postion on our bed and buried my face in a pillow, wanting it ALL to go away

The second time I got angry, drove him to the liquor store and poured a whole 1/5th of vodka on him. Told him now he had as much OUTSIDE as he had INSIDE. I have no clue how I drove I was that mad

The third time, I just got in my car and left

The fourth time, the fifth time, the sixth time, yadda, yadda yadda,

Its up to you how many times this is going to happen. only YOU can stop it. My A had no intention obviously.

Stay with SR, there's some GOOD people and advice on these boards

Peace

elizabeth1979

I got to the point of actually not caring whether he repapsed again or not because i had no intention of being there if and when it happened. That was freeing.

I hear ya Beerpolice (I love the name btw)...I stopped taking his choices personally when I started taking mine personally.

Glad you are posting again..even though the situation is a crappy one.

Cynay

I know that feeling of being just "Done".

Hang in there hon and remember that the boundry is for you ... nothing to do with him and its your life to live.

BeerPolice

I dont think I could handle the thrid fourth fifth. etc. Im already sick of the first.
Twisted feelings is excatly the way I feel. Up and down all day long here at work.
I loved the went to the store and poured it all over him. That is someting I would do.
Im just so upset, that for all these months I got a taste of what life could be with him sober and he does this. I know this is not the first time. My gut feeling tells me different. And everyone here has always said trust yourself. Every book said the same thing. Im wondering if he is going to show up at counsling. But I will say if he doesnt show up he better not think he is setting one foot in that house. Out the door he is going. If I need cops to do then that will be the case. My close friends today knew something was up and I told them I havent told his parents and Im not sure if I should or not. I doubt he will since he became the golden child for being on that wagon. What do you all think?

Sunflower

wait an see how it plays out. maybe seeing the councelor tonight will help him and you. relapse is not uncommon --its if he steps up again thats important.
I used to think listen to my gut was true--but I have found it is not 100%,
I am sending you prayers for a peaceful night....God Bless You...

minnie

I too decided that I'd had enough. That relapse of was not the last one of his, but was certainly the last one I would have to witness first hand. And when I was decided I was "done", that was it. I had the most unbelievable sense of "rightness" about my decision. That's not to say that I didn't have a long drawn out extraction from our business partnership, in particular, however I have never once doubted my decision.

Big picture, hon. It's not about what he does or doesn't do, really. It's all about your choices.

Oh, and my gut feeling never lets me down. As long as I feed it right and make sure it is my intuition I am listening too, not my fears and patterning.

CE Girl

I heard that at an al anon meeting when the moderator was describing how they felt when they were in the cycle of the madness. Interestly enough, that night, the speaker was a RA. He had tears in his eyes and said he had no idea he did that to his family.

For me, the twisting is what finally brought it to an end. Couldn't stand not being able to focus on NOTHING else, but what I was going to face when we came together at the end of the day. Your right, you get used to the sobriety and develop a sense of calm, when ~wham~ its all shattered. And not gradually and naturally. I got lulled into a sense of security only to have it ripped out from under me, the moment I walked in the door. Sometimes, beleive it or not, I knew BEFORE I walked through the door. Call it intuition, karma, whatever, but I would KNOW and TWIST the whole way home. I had an hour and a half drive each way to do it. I would call him the whole way, try to keep him on the phone to see if there was any change in his intonation, speech, whatever. Call him as soon as we hung up and get REALLY frustrated when I'd travel through a dead zone.

OMG,,,I look back on it and say, "DID I ACTUALLY DO THAT!!?!?!?!"


Actually, I was not very happy with myself. I like to describe myself as a simple native hippie chick, peace, love and all that good stuff. The fact that I got THAT angry made me take a good hard look at myself and realize I was in danger of losing ME.

Take care of you. Something I've learned here on SR recently

You did not cause it
You can't control it
You can not cure it

How is telling his parents good for YOU?
Peace

Sunflower

Maybe the parents/inlaws can be a support for her in this difficult time.
Think hard about it--once you invite them in you never know--you know them better than we do.

denny57

What would be your motive for telling them?

kglast

(((Beer Police))) I know how hard it is to have that sober time and all that comes with it only to have your hopes come CRASHING down all over you again....I am so sorry you are dealing with that...

CE - I too could tell before I even got home that he was drinking - just that "feeling" - the fact that he didn't answer the phone was all it would take to get me going....i could feel my insides quivering and my face flushing...i was driving 1 1/2 hrs to spend the night with a drunk! lucky me!

Sunflower

((((denny)))) I think maybe she means for their support during this difficult time--my family is like that-if one has a problem they all tyr to help if the can.