StandingStrong

I've become very independant over the past few years since XAH and I seperated. I've even come to a point where people have told me that I've become a little too independant.

But today, I swallowed my pride. And surprisingly, I feel okay about it.

I hate asking for help of any kind - and I suffer long and hard before I break down and ask for anything, so this was a big step for me.

Two of my kid's have been offered the chance to go on trips through different classes at school. One of them, I can handle. Not saying it's not going to be hard as I live penny to penny - but I can handle the one trip. The other though is HUGE!!!!! And it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!

I want nothing more than my kid's to be able to go on these trips!!!!!!!
But let's face it - I am financially unable to provide the money needed for these!

So, today I swallowed my pride and asked XMIL and XFIL would help out on the big trip. I told her that I hadn't even told XAH (their son) about it as he's behind on child support as it is and hasn't helped to pay medical bills that he's supposed to pay. We both know how he is. So it's pretty safe to assume that he's not going to help out on a trip like this. Oh sure, he'd tell me that he would, but it would come crunch time and I'd be stuck with the bill and a very disappointed child that couldn't go on the trip and I just don't want to put myself in that situation. Why bother when I know the outcome? I know that I can't rely or depend on him.

So anyways...even if they refuse to help out - I am considering other options on how to be able to pay for these trips (I have not given up yet) but I feel okay about having asked for their help. It isn't about me anyways - it's for my kids. And they are my priority!

Anyways....just wanted to share that while I hated having to ask, I really am okay with it. And maybe I'm learning that it's not always a bad thing to not be totally independant (and defiant? lol) I've had numerous people tell me that it hurts them when I won't allow them to help me as it makes them feel good to help. So maybe this is something I need to work on more anyways.

I don't know if my kid's will both get thier trips - but I sure am trying.

elizabeth1979

SS
Nicely done..asking for help is a tough thing for me too. Id almost rather have my teeth removed than have to ask anyone for anything.

Ive learned that its not a sign of weakness on my behalf when I ask for help, but a sign of strength, that I am able to ask.

Keep us posted..hope trips are in the future for the kids!

Rella927

Great job again SS another A+++ for the day! Wow you may get your Masters degree in "Codieness" soon!

Ok so this independant thing!? Is this a "Codie" thing? I have often wondered this-when we were children (most of us?) I know it applies to me-I always did things on my own because I would get the same "response" "outcome" (as SS mentioned) so why bother- When my husband passed away- I honestly think it got worse-as my parents kind of slid off the face of the earth and tried to play that role of you are a grown up and you need to do things on your own....Gee like they did when I was a child!? Needless to say they were correct in some aspects but, again as I have agreed and disagreed of their role as parents (Step Dad)(A father died) anyway....I feel that I have become still to this day more resilient to alot in my life especially my childhood. Not sure though at times as mentioned in this thread that is always such a good thing?!

When people try to help me I sometimes get edgy and say it is ok I can do it! Maybe I have just grown accustom to doing it myself? Is this such a bad thing??
My sister does this too!

Ok SS keep up the good work! Maybe you can sell some things on e-bay to try to get money for the trip? Or possibly do some spring cleaning and have a garage sale? Some ideas maybe
Good Luck!

foregoodreasons

StandingStrong,

I'm not sure if this will be probable for you but ....

If you have time to raise some cash maybe you and your son could do a few things to make some of the cash needed for this trip.

I'm unsure of your children's ages but is it possible for him to go out and do a few odds and ends to earn some cash? Mowing lawns, raking leaves, walking dogs, etc.

I work in a large office. One of the female co-workers here has a son who wishes to go on a trip overseas with his Karate class. That's obviously very expensive. At first the class sold those candy bars for $1. That must not have earned them enough because the co-worker started to chip in to help make more money by selling her home baked wares at the office. For Thanksgiving and Halloween she made pumpkin and apple pies per order. Of course her son helped by pitching in in the baking and he made up the order sheet that people would use to place their orders. During Xmas and Valentine's and Easter she made cookies and packaged them up and put them up for sale in the office.

I would guess she made several hundred dollars doing this. I guess they've made enough because the treats are no longer available.

You'd be surprised how an office full of people with nothing to eat but vending machine junk jump all over a chance to get some home baked goodies.

Just something to consider.

Hope this helps.

Sunflower

I think thats great--I am independant like you-having been single my whole life except 2 years! Getting this disabling disease I have has caused me to ask for help just even for the smallest of things and I HATE IT--but with time I have come to accept it's OK to ask.
I hope you find a way for these kids to enjoy this opportunity-they deserve it--I swear if I had the money I would give it to you...

dollydo

I see nothing wrong with asking for help for your children. Them going on a trip will be a positive experience for them, one that they will never forget.

For my part, I think you made a good decision, and I hope "they" will support you and your children.

You are a wonderful mom,

cmc

SS,
Alot of local service clubs/organizations have funds just for things like this. You could contact your chamber of commerce for the names of such groups and then make some calls or have your kids write letters asking for sponsorships. Special interest groups are good to look into, especially if the trip or something special about your child matches up with the focus of their group.
Your kids are blessed to have momma like you!
hugs,
cmc

mushroom

XMIL and XFIL are the kids' grandparents, right? who better to pay for the trip then!

Good work - it is SO hard to ask for help and admit we can't do everything ourselves.

minnie

Sweetie, that is one thing I still find so incredibly hard, asking for help. I keep trying to remember that, in some ways, I am doing people a favour by allowing them to do something if I can't do it for myself.

Thanks for the reminder. I shall grit my teeth and try it out tomorrow.

StandingStrong

Good luck Minnie!

I have had to ask my Dad on a few occassions to help me out with different things - financially and teaching me how to "manly things" about the house - lol. I always wait until it's absolutely necessary and I feel trapped - which isn't a good thing. My Dad just recently had a little "talk" (aka: lecture) with me about that. He finds joy in helping me due to the fact that he sees me trying so hard! Since I try so hard, he doesn't mind helping and he knows that I'll repay whatever I ask for. But truly, I've been blessed because my Dad has been one of my biggest cheerleaders and supporters through this experience!

While I haven't heard anything from the ex-inlaws, I haven't given up hope yet. And thank you also for the idea of checking with the Chamber of Commerce - excellent idea! I've also thought of checking into sponsorship through various businesses - I believe they may be able to use it as a tax write off which may help me out as well, though I'm not sure I'm brave enough to actually ask any of them, lol. Hey, I'm a work in progress here - one step at a time.

However - in all honesty, I have to admit that going to my Dad for help is so horrible. It makes me feel weak and small.
But asking for something for my kids - well, that really wasn't so bad. And probably because it's not about me.

Still looking into my options (loans, refinancing my house, etc) as I truly hope the kids can go. The one trip, I know I can swing. It's the other that is really testing me.

Keep sending positive thoughts and prayers please. I really want to pull this off for my kids!

Thanks again for all the support.