Is it wrong?
 

Hi - I am working on detaching from my SO who started recovery 4-5 weeks ago, he asked me for a break (he said 2 weeks, but who knows!) so I have had no contact with him at all for 10 days - yeah! I will not contact him for sure! There have been good days where I feel so at peace and happy and then days I wonder what is going on with him, how he is, and miss him. I have no idea what is going on with him, none, is he continuing to get better, is he drinking, I know he had bought a fancy new car right before our break so he could be out having the time of his life right now!...Anyway, before this break, I got his family very involved in helping him - I spoke to his uncle last monday to see how he is, who gave me an update. Is it wrong if I call him today to check in again? I just want to know how he is. I know I risk being hurt if his uncle says he is doing great, doing all these fun things, has all new friends, etc - but am having a hard time being so out of the loop and not calling to find out status on his drinking problem since I was so intimately involved for 5 years!...thoughts?

Work harder on detaching, yoiu don't quite have the gist of it yet.

Keep trying! Good luck

Hi rosie,
Welcome to SR. Going to Alanon, open AA meetings and coming here help me learn about my own recovery. Have you attended any meetings for yourself yet?
There is some good info in the stickies that might be of help to you.
I'm glad you stopped by to share.
cmc

Welcome To SR Rosie,,,

I only recently started finding the answer to the same questions as yours when I spent that energy on ME.

I found the more I worried, obsessed (yes, I said obsess) and fantisized what he was doing and how much FUN he was having when I was so miserable. The more I took away from me. Then all of a sudden, BIG dope slap. DUH!!! Hasn't he taken ENOUGH from me?

For me, no contact, means no contact. Hardest thing I ever done. Battling my codie behaviours EVERY day. It relatively new to me, ( 6 days) but I am finding, the boundry is easier to keep with each passing day.

Do I wonder how he's doing? If he's ok? Even more, has he gotten sober? Is he "replacing" me with another enabler?

You know what, I don't care. Simply can't afford to care anymore. Ok, so thats a lie. I DO care, but the hp willing and the sun comes up tomorrow, I will continue to work at DETACHING.

The people here at SR have been an immense support for me at this time

KEEP POSTING and READING.

Do for YOURSELF
Peace

hi rosie - good for you - no contact for 10 days - has been 7 for me. 7 agonizing days...i guess you have to do what feels right for you, but i would read everything you can here and i bet it won't be long before you realize it would be better if you didn't call. that's what usually happens with me. i, personally, have a very long way to go....good luck!

I know that it is hard. It is hard for me. In my opinion, it is the only way. Protect yourself. Stay strong.

How is your recovery going, Rosie?

rosie, have your considered he's "testing" you and by you contacting his family you are failing his test? he asked you for no contact, right?

Oh, Denny, That is interesting thought. No contact would mean the family, wouldn't it??

Hugs and prayers, Rosie
((((Rosie))))))

Hi Everyone - thank you for your support and advice! I had a weak moment (before I read your responses) and called his uncle, he was in a mtg so said he will call me back. I then came to the realization after all your advice that I didn't want an update, I don't want to know how he is doing, if his life is amazing. So I put my phone off for the rest of the day. His uncle did leave me a message, I am not going to call him back though.

I don't think he knows that his uncle and I speak every now and then. That is at least what the uncle told me since he wanted me to trust telling him if I know of any other drinking episodes.

Detaching is tough - but I am working on it! Day 12 for me of no contact! I do of course hope the day will come that he contacts me and this time I can say, don't want to talk!

hugs, rosie.

(((Hugs Rosie)))))

Chero you are too cute! Yes No Contact means NO CONTACT-HIM, His family, friends, co-workers any third party-if you are talking about him and trying to find out things about him it means you are not caring for yourself!