chero

Hey guys, I sure could use some advice from some of you who've been here.

I just saw I missed a text msg on my cell from AH about an hour ago. I knew he was drinking today.
He said he was sick of lonliness and for me to "get my butt home before something drastic happens like good bye cruel world."

Those were his exact words. I can't get reach him at the house or on his cell. I know he could be passed out but he could be WHAT???

I'm starting to panic about it. I'm scared he has done something to himself, I'm scared he'll come here. I'm just plain scared for him. I don't know what to do.

I know I shouldn't do anything. I know that.

WantsOut

oh chero, I think he's quacking but of course I don't know for sure. If you're really scared call 911. I promise if you do that he'll never threaten you like this again ...

duet_4-8

You're right. You shouldn't do anything. UNLESS he comes where you are in which case you should probably call the police based on what he has done to you before.

Don't fall for the 'goodbye cruel world' line. It's just classic addict manipulation.

You are doing great. Try to stay focused on yourself and not on him.

It helped me in the beginning to keep telling myself that the only chance my ah had to really recover was if I got out of God's way and let him go.

I really believe that. God wants them to recover even more than you or I do, and as long as we keep rescueing them, it's just not going to happen.

Bottom line-get out of God's way and let him deal with your ah. And start believing that YOU are a child of God yourself, and that He loves you and wants you in a healthy relationship, not a sick one.

You can do this. It is not easy, but it is worth it. Hang in there!

Sunflower

no contact chero--call 911 and let them know he is threatening to harm himself--he won't pull it again.....hang in there!!!!!you can do it!!!

chero

I really do believe that, Duet. Thank you for reminding me.
I believe I was keeping him from his bottom by being there and enabling him.

Zoey

Save the message, call the police and play the message, ask if they can go to the house and check? Give car make etc, and lic number.

FormerDoormat

I agree with the other responders. Call 911 and report his suicide threat and let them handle it. Don't fall for his manipulations and definitely don't call him.

chero

I'm not that strong, Zoey.

I'm trying to rationalize this out in my mind. If they go out there and he is okay but drunk...he's on probation and going to jail. But then I think what if he has done something to himself??? Then what??? That's worse. But then I think maybe I shouldn't do anything at all???

I don't know what to do.....

mallowcup

I'm with sunflower on this one. call 911. You don't have to make contact to do what will help you sleep tonight. Call 911 and they will check on him. that seems reasonable after what he said. They will go an check, if he needs help they are best prepared to do that. If he is manipulating you, he'll learn that you will act, just not in a away that brings you home to get your block knocked off.

LaTeeDa

Dang, I thought I posted, but it was lost. What I wanted to say is that this is not your burden to carry. Please put it down. Whether you call or not, whether he harms himself or not, it is not your problem. Do whatever you need to do to be at peace with yourself, but know that whatever happens to him is not your fault.

L

chero

I want to believe that whatever happens wouldn't be my fault.

Do they really ever do anything to themselves??

I can't believe how worried I am about him after everything he has done to me!

LaTeeDa

His choices are his, his consequences are his. You have made your choice and you chose to get out of his control and live. You are no longer beholden to him. I know you care what happens to him, but he is the one responsible for that, not you. Are you actually doing anything to him right now? Are you forcing him to take any kind of action? NO! Whatever he does is of his own free will, you have no control over it, and no responsibility for it. Chero is in control of Chero's life--your AH is in control of his own life. He is an adult, no? Please put down the burden of being responsible for his actions.

L

FormerDoormat

Richard threatened to kill himself when I served him with legal papers to vacate my home, but it turned out to be just an idle threat--a manipulation to make me feel sorry for him and prompt me to change my mind. If it's weighing heavy on your mind, call 911. Who cares if he gets carted off jail? He needs to suffer the consequences of his actions in order to realize that he's got a problem.

5Stars

I have been in this situation before. I feel for you.

Maybe you could have a friend or relative check on him?! Neighbor maybe if you are that worried.

One persons advice was " Dont give in to it, if he were that serious about suicide he sure as hell wouldnt be sitting around calling you"

In my situation I ended up calling him out on it. Well first I made a three way call back to him with his aunt on the phone. She ended up really worried about him saying I should drive over there and pick him up. (Crazy, I was pregnant, had three babies already to care for and he was three hours away in his hometown after I had left him). That only made things worse, so I threatened to call the police unless he put his sober cousin on the phone so I could explain the situation. His cousin told me that he would watch him through the night and not to worry. It was an easy way to put the responsibility on someone else. The responsibility should be on himself I know, I know. But with a threatened suicide its very hard.

It turns out he exaggerated the amount of pills he claimed to have took and was just looking for some reassurance of my love and concern for him. After I agreed to talk to him about our relationship he got what he wanted and left me alone.

Good Luck...

dollydo

Call 911, if he has violated his pronation, then he will have to deal with it.

You are not his mother, he is a grown man, and responsible for his behavior.

Don't go over there, it is too dangerous.

Again I say, try no contact, cut the umbillical cord.

WhatAboutME

My AH has threatened suicide more times than I can count. Yes, in the back of my mind, there's always that worry of "What if he's serious this time?". He would make these vague threats and then hang up on me and not answer my call when I called him back. I don't call him back anymore. I know he's full of crap. He's just trying to control and manipulate me. Now I just tell him that I know he's committing suicide...by drinking everyday! Now he calls his Mother with these threats. What a piece of crap.

Edited to add: Call 911 if you are really that worried. If he really has harmed himself, that's what you'll end up doing anyway.

chero

I didn't talk to him last night and strange thing, this morning I woke up and it never entered my mind to call him.

I find that very strange as I'm sitting here.

I didn't call 911 either. I did call the DV hotline and talk to them.

I know I have to be serious about this no contact thing. I know I do!

loveRoy

chero, you are off the train track, out of the quick sand and doing great. Got another email from "him" wishing me a happy Mother's Day. Once again, I hit DELETE. Gotta stick with the no contact. Is it easy? No. But I must. Last year we separated for 9 months. I didn't know about this board or I may not have fallen for the lies and manipulation. Anyway, I let him come back. Huge mistake. Today is a new day for both of us. Stay strong.

LGLG07

This just happened to me chero , on Easter Sunday . I rec'd a very similar text .
I deleted it . Never responded . I didnt think another minute about it after I deleted it either . The next day ah was in rehab .
Im not saying you should or shouldnt respond . This is just my opinion . If you feel very uneasy , call 911 like everyone said . I wouldnt respond yourself though , the dance doesnt stop until one person calls it quits ! You have come very far , dont look back now .

((()))s to you , I know how hard this is

hopeangel

i'm thinking this way. wouldn't going to the hospital and or jail be the best thing thing for him at this point? that might be just what he needs and it would be a great step in him taking you serious i think. i think calling 911 would be reasonable. oh and, he is not going to answer the phone because he wants you to come there. he is thinking that if he doesn't answer you will come. don't call him dear.

with that said, no matter what you do it is really whatever makes you feel okay at this point and what is true to you. release yourself from any guilt.

no matter what you do do not get dragged back in, k?