Am I being punished?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
man this group is getting meaner by the minute--what the heck is going on?
I thought we were here to help each other to share our own personal experiences-not attack each other--and that was what is was---funny when I share my personal experience I get a warning a demerit or something like that...who the hell decides what is appropriate and what is not around here??we have to be careful what we say--unless it is about yourself--( i even get in trouble for that!) I really and truly loved this place--I just came back thinking it might be OK to get yet another letter from some moderator putting whole new twist on it--now I was never een reported---it would be funny if it wasn't so sad.
Dolly I know you speak up---I always liked that abou you--not everyone can handle that...plus you entered her territory--things you don't know about her life--I suppose I have been guilty of that myself.
I came here tonight soooo sick-I am in a flare from my Lupus and facing surgery--I am in terrible pain physically and emotionally--thought I might find some support--first thing I get is a letter telling me how wrong I am and then this post---good night!!!
I thought we were here to help each other to share our own personal experiences-not attack each other--and that was what is was---funny when I share my personal experience I get a warning a demerit or something like that...who the hell decides what is appropriate and what is not around here??we have to be careful what we say--unless it is about yourself--( i even get in trouble for that!) I really and truly loved this place--I just came back thinking it might be OK to get yet another letter from some moderator putting whole new twist on it--now I was never een reported---it would be funny if it wasn't so sad.
Dolly I know you speak up---I always liked that abou you--not everyone can handle that...plus you entered her territory--things you don't know about her life--I suppose I have been guilty of that myself.
I came here tonight soooo sick-I am in a flare from my Lupus and facing surgery--I am in terrible pain physically and emotionally--thought I might find some support--first thing I get is a letter telling me how wrong I am and then this post---good night!!!
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Kermie: I didn't see anything negative or critical about Dolly's reply, only a sincere show of support and encouragement. I know you're stressed to the limit, but things always have a way of working out just fine in the long run.
Is your ex working? If so, have you consulted with a lawyer about your situation? If his name is on the mortgage, he's responsible for paying the mortgage payment until your house is sold. If he's the father of your children, he owes you child support, and maybe even spousal support if your state allows for that. Your initial consultation is free. After that, since you are currently unemployed, your husband may be required to pay for your legal fees.
If you haven't seen an attorney yet, now might be a good time to do so.
Is your ex working? If so, have you consulted with a lawyer about your situation? If his name is on the mortgage, he's responsible for paying the mortgage payment until your house is sold. If he's the father of your children, he owes you child support, and maybe even spousal support if your state allows for that. Your initial consultation is free. After that, since you are currently unemployed, your husband may be required to pay for your legal fees.
If you haven't seen an attorney yet, now might be a good time to do so.
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
I know exactly what Kerm is reacting to - it's the implication that her situation is caused, or is not being solved, due to her own incorrect action, and that if she made a simple, small change that all would be well. I felt that the other day when a poster made some similar suggestions to me as if my situation were so easily solvable.
I know how you feel Kerm on another level as well because I just got an email missive from my mother with three stupid suggestions on how I solve my current problem. One of them was "why don't you take the civil service exam?" No hint as to how this would help me now ... just some weird excuse for a solution.
Her heart is in the right place - she just wants my suffering to stop and doesn't know how to do that. She's a codie and struggles when things are out of her control. But boy does it make me want to wring her neck sometimes ...
I think the real truth for us Kerm is that while our troubles are caused by our involvement with an alcoholic, our current troubles are technically beyond the scope of this board. No one signed up to hear me whine about having a hard time finding a job or about us being unable to sell our houses. I have hardly talked about exAH lately because honestly that stuff is falling behind me now. I really should concentrate on helping other posters with their A problem or get off the board already. Maybe you and I can commiserate offline about our own woes.
I want you to know I feel your pain no matter what. I know the fear and the anxiety. While I can't truly "help" you, and you can't truly "help" me, at least we both know that the other is out there, looking up at the same moon, thinking the same worried thoughts, and all the while a Great Wind carries us across the sky ...
I know how you feel Kerm on another level as well because I just got an email missive from my mother with three stupid suggestions on how I solve my current problem. One of them was "why don't you take the civil service exam?" No hint as to how this would help me now ... just some weird excuse for a solution.
Her heart is in the right place - she just wants my suffering to stop and doesn't know how to do that. She's a codie and struggles when things are out of her control. But boy does it make me want to wring her neck sometimes ...
I think the real truth for us Kerm is that while our troubles are caused by our involvement with an alcoholic, our current troubles are technically beyond the scope of this board. No one signed up to hear me whine about having a hard time finding a job or about us being unable to sell our houses. I have hardly talked about exAH lately because honestly that stuff is falling behind me now. I really should concentrate on helping other posters with their A problem or get off the board already. Maybe you and I can commiserate offline about our own woes.
I want you to know I feel your pain no matter what. I know the fear and the anxiety. While I can't truly "help" you, and you can't truly "help" me, at least we both know that the other is out there, looking up at the same moon, thinking the same worried thoughts, and all the while a Great Wind carries us across the sky ...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
It's obvious that no matter what happens, you'll be just fine. You are a survivor. Youmay sell, rent or lose this house and maybe that's because there is a better one on the way. Your education is not a pipe dream it is a plan for something no one can ever take away from you. It is an investment.
How about hanging a sign that says "rent with the option to buy". Many people want to buy but don't have a down payment. There is a whole market out there of buyers praying for a way to buy. They have the income , they don't have the down payment. Rent with the option to buy allows you to charge more for rent with a certain portion going toward a down payment each month.
I would research what the fastest degree you can get is. You can always continue school part time or on line. I would take care of your most urgent needs first. The school semester is ending right now anyway. Why not look for a job now and see what happens in the fall? You could work and take classes on line or part time.
How about hanging a sign that says "rent with the option to buy". Many people want to buy but don't have a down payment. There is a whole market out there of buyers praying for a way to buy. They have the income , they don't have the down payment. Rent with the option to buy allows you to charge more for rent with a certain portion going toward a down payment each month.
I would research what the fastest degree you can get is. You can always continue school part time or on line. I would take care of your most urgent needs first. The school semester is ending right now anyway. Why not look for a job now and see what happens in the fall? You could work and take classes on line or part time.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Kermit,
I am sorry if I offended you, it was not my intent, poor choice of words on my part.
I really hate to hear that you are on the verge of losing your house, and I know the only chance of saving it will come through cash flow from somewhere, hence the job thing.
Again, I am sorry, I am in your corner, and only want the best for you and yours,
I am sorry if I offended you, it was not my intent, poor choice of words on my part.
I really hate to hear that you are on the verge of losing your house, and I know the only chance of saving it will come through cash flow from somewhere, hence the job thing.
Again, I am sorry, I am in your corner, and only want the best for you and yours,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 413
Kerm
I think its hard for us codies to come to grips with the fact that sometimes we just cant fix everything. Youre hurting we want to fix you. Hence all the suggestions. Maybe if you dyed your hair green that would help. Greens my very most favorite color. When I wear it I always feel better. <smilie>
Seriously when all the crap hit the fan after Elvis went to the pokey I thought I was going to hell in a handbasket . People were suing us left and right. Trying to take the house. Heck we were even on TV. Being an optimistic pessimist is what got me thru it.
Think what would be the very worst things that could happen. Medium worst etc. Then sit dowm and think about what you would do if they did happen. Most of the time the worst doesnt happen. But if it does you know youll be okay. You may not be as okay as you want to be but youll still be okay. The unknown is always scary. But if you have a map youll be okay.
BTW We didnt lose the house but it was touch and go for a couple of years there.
I think its hard for us codies to come to grips with the fact that sometimes we just cant fix everything. Youre hurting we want to fix you. Hence all the suggestions. Maybe if you dyed your hair green that would help. Greens my very most favorite color. When I wear it I always feel better. <smilie>
Seriously when all the crap hit the fan after Elvis went to the pokey I thought I was going to hell in a handbasket . People were suing us left and right. Trying to take the house. Heck we were even on TV. Being an optimistic pessimist is what got me thru it.
Think what would be the very worst things that could happen. Medium worst etc. Then sit dowm and think about what you would do if they did happen. Most of the time the worst doesnt happen. But if it does you know youll be okay. You may not be as okay as you want to be but youll still be okay. The unknown is always scary. But if you have a map youll be okay.
BTW We didnt lose the house but it was touch and go for a couple of years there.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
((((kermit))))) i am sorry things are bad right now.everyday is a new begining & i hope yours gets better tomorrow.we all are here in your cornor.lots of us have been there where you are, some have not been in your exact situation, some have had better & some have had worse, but we are all here for you.saying a prayer for you as of now & wishing u well. hope
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