5Stars

Hi,
My name is 5Stars and my boyfriend is an alcoholic. His prescription for Antabuse and Campral is being filled today. Tomorrow he is going to quit drinking for good this time.
Here is the problem. He says he knows this time he is quiting for good and wants to drink tonight as a "goodbye". I think it is a bad idea, and a contadictory one but he says I just dont understand.

Anyone have an opinion? I want him to start this out on a happy note and he is already on a bad one feeling deprived. Should I just appease him?

FormerDoormat

One last drink to say "goodbye" is a BAD idea, especially if you intend to be right there beside him drinking while he does so. That would be enabling him. His drinking needs to stop now if he's serious about becoming sober and your enabling needs to stop now if you're serious about recovery yourself.

prodigal

Is your bf going to do this on his own or is he planning to attend AA and get a sponsor? Here's a bit of my own experience with the A in my life bidding a fond adieu to the bottle. Last June, he was scheduled to drive to a detox/rehab facility in Phoenix on a Friday afternoon because they had a bed available and he wouldn't have to be put on the waiting list. I came home around 4:30 pm on the day in question and found him half passed-out in bed drunk. "But honey, I just wanted 'one' for the road ..." He managed to get to the rehab the following day and they still had a bed available for him.

That little story is courtesy of rehab number three. For rehab number two, I drove him there and he was drinking until he actually walked in the door of the facility dead drunk.

Bidding farewell to booze can be a, shall we say, rather protracted process. It sounds like he is really gonna miss his habit, so why not have one big blow out before getting sober, right? I think he may have the best of intentions, but it doesn't sound like his intentions are dead serious. Sounds like somewhat of a stalling-for-time tactic to me.

This is just my opinion, but if I were you, I'd believe it AFTER I saw him working a program and having at minimum six month's sobriety under his belt. You know what I've heard said in AA, "Yeah, he's got a plan to instigate a plan to stop drinking."

5Stars

We are planning on doing this ourselves.
Our plan is for him to take both of those medications everyday and attend AA meetings. I have a list of the meetings in our area for him.

I so desperately want this to work. Any one have any more ideas to help promote success in this?

FormerDoormat

Yes, let him figure out where the AA meetings are. If you want him to find a path to sobriety, step back and let him do ALL the work. And while he's doing that, find an Alanon meeting for yourself.

hope3

Well, I have a different point of view, quitting anything is some what psychological,

so I say fine, if that will help him put the beast to bed, (alcoholism) so be it, then he has a clean road ahead of him by his choice. It never counts as much unless, we choose the path..

IT'S A strange thing, alcoholism, but if he thinks he wants to say good bye to the beast, so be it.....cause if you fight him on this it will be an excuse for the future, that he didn't get to say good bye.... weird, but true...

So, let bye gones be bye gones, party, tommorrow is qhat he is committing to.

Good luck, hugs, hope3

Taking5

"I have a list of the meetings in our area for him.
I so desperately want this to work."

Notice the red above. What does he want? What you want is irrelevant.

5Stars

I am a typical enabler. I know it, right now I am thinking there are 20 reasons why I need to help him. He is a bit younger than I am, he isnt as computer savvy as I am, he doesnt know the area like I do, ect.

UGHHH.. this is so hard.

I have to go now. He is upset I am on this site. And I have to take care of my babies right now. I have a two month old baby (his) and three boys (previous relationship) One is 16 months and my twins just turned 3.

See... ugh.. I am too busy to be dealing with his alcohol issue. And you dont know how many times I have been afraid for my little ones. Not that he is physically abusive but because he'll do things like cook drunk.

I am going to bookmark this site though so I will talk to you soon. thank u

denny57

Welcome, ronii, glad you're here!

I'd be concerned that he isn't the one who is desperate for it to work. I also agree he should be finding his own AA meetings. I can remember a time I might have thought if I just got AH there he'd see the sense in it. Who knows?

I highly recommend Al-Anon for you.

prodigal

WE are planning on doing this OURSELVES. Nope. It doesn't work that way. What you are doing is called enabling. He feels "deprived" as you put it and he hasn't even started sobriety yet. Let me be blunt here: he owns his addiction. Frankly, it is his business to take care of HIS BUSINESS. Your business is to keep your side of the street clean. Let him clean up his own mess. If he is genuinely seeking of help, a professional addictions counselor, AA, rehab are the routes to go. I'd no more attempt to get my AH sober or help him work HIS program than I'd attempt brain surgery.

I'm sure you want him to get sober, but as dgillz said, what you want is irrelevant. Okay, you want him to get sober. Toss out the list of meetings you got together for him. Tell him to pick up a phone book or get online and locate AA meetings himself. Get out of his way and his addiction's way. He is an adult. If he is dead set on getting sober, then he alone has to show motivation to get it.

cagefree

Hi 5Stars and welcome

Appease - remove from your vocabulary
Alcohol removed from the alcoholic = a sober alcoholic, not a recovering alcholic

What's your definition of a recovering alcoholic? If you don't know - education and al-anon can help with that, and help you to create boundaries, so that you never have to appease again.

Take care of you 5Stars

ps. Lots of good advice above this post

lilac

Don't really know what advice to give you, but am glad you are here.

Work on YOU and those babies.........He needs to take care of HIM.

Much love to you.

HolyQow

He is going to do what he is going to do......it's his problem. You can't make him drink, or stop drinking, you're not that powerful (gee where have I heard that a million times.)

If he wants to quit then he will quit. If he wants to go to AA, then he will go to AA. I think the phrase is, hands off his recovery. Try an Al-anon meeting if you can. And read some more here....

chero

Welcome, 5Stars. You got some great advice here.

Hope to see you back soon!

Take care of you and the kids!!

criss-cross

First priority - you and the kids!!!
Leave him to deal with his own problems.

Antabuse, Campral - neither worked for my stbxAH. he could take them and still drink.

Having a farewell drink - well I think that's just (i don't know if this will make it thru a censor) 'bee' - S

hugs to you & the kids - you do have your handsfull - love 'em while they're young. They do take in so much that you don't realize - they grow up way too fast.

Welcome!
I hope you keep stopping here
There's lots of hugs from people who have all been where you are.

hope3

Hi, OK, this is the thick of it....Sounds like he is open to recieving treatment, so ok let him say goodbye to the beast, (alcohol)..

treatment, (probably for all the wrong reasons) this is good if you have a good plan in mind...

NOW, you, look into an alanon meeting....get some help for you, you are deffinately

worth it, best wishes, hope3

Sunflower

5Stars welcome---and for some reason I have heard it said that lots of them want to celebrate that last drink--who cares as long as he stops the next day?
I have never heard of antabuse and camphrol being used together-
antabuse works xhenically to make the A become ill if he drinks--low rate osucsess.
Camphrol works as a blocker in the mind--cuts the craving in half that should be all he needs plus AA or professional counseling.Make sure who ever is prescribing this medicine for him is a doctor who specialises in alcohol abuse---best of luck///////////I have to add--he really should detox in a medical facility as it can be dangrous to do on his own

WhatAboutME

My opinion is that he is completely full of crap and telling you exactly what you want to hear. The Antabuse and Campral are not miracle drugs. They are only a "piece" of the recovery puzzle. Without a serious committment to sobriety, they won't keep him sober. My husband has taken both (and every other medication on the market to treat alcohol abuse), and always continued to drink.

My only real suggestion is exactly that of what others have said. Get thee to Al-Anon as soon as possible! Take care of you and your children. Educate yourself as much as possible about the disease of alcoholism, it's progression and rate of relapse. "You" can't make him get sober. "You" can't help him get sober. I've spent the last 10 years trying to "help" my husband get sober. You know what, it ain't working. Not at all. He just went back to rehab this week...for the FIFTH time!

justjo

[QUOTE=5Stars;1328390]Hi,
His prescription for Antabuse and Campral is being filled today. Tomorrow he is going to quit drinking for good this time.
Here is the problem.

Ahhh, yes the old do it tomorrow trick. How many times have I heard this one. Sorry dont want to sound mean but I am realistic. How many times have we said we were going on a diet tomorrow and what happened?
You already stated you have a problem now. He wants a goodbye kiss to his mate.
Well, think about it if he was serious he wouldnt even be thinking about it.

CE Girl

Welcome 5Stars,,,,The fact you are here speaks VOLUMES about what you want to do for YOURSELF

I can only give you my experience. My A was dead drunk when he went to rehab. And like a lot of other posters, he's been in an out mulitple times, (3 in the last 10 months)

I would have none of it, although, the second time he was on the phone to me (sober) crying out for help. I told him to drink a fifth and go to the rehab. He had been calling for 2 days and they had no beds. The first time he went, drunk, they took him right away. He had gone through the same thing with them regarding admittance. I didn't know the first time, only when he called me while waiting for the paperwork to be complete. Was I wrong to give him "permission" to get admitted? Who knows, hindsight is 20/20.

I will say also, I was not about to drink with him. To me that was "enabling" and condoning his actions. Considering the above, I'd say I didn't go all the way.

From my expereince, hands off. Do what you need to do for YOU and your children. Let your A take care of himself. If his actions are invading your boundries, take the next step. So easy to say, but its a journey unto itself.

Keep coming here.

Peace