LGLG07

Quick question . ah has been going to meetings everyday for 2 weeks , some days he goes to 2 meetings , 1 in the mrng and 1 in the evening . He said he does this in case he cannot get to a meeting one day , he doesnt want to jeapordize his 90 meetings in 90 days .

My question . Is it 90 meetings in 90 days ? or is it , A meeting a day for 90 days ? or does it really not matter if he skips days , as long as he is still going ?

I know I'm still paranoid .. Im trying so hard !

minnie

As far as I am aware, the 90 meetings in 90 days is a rehab thing, not an AA thing.

Whatever works, I guess. And he is the best judge of that.

denny57

90 in 90 is suggested in both AA and Al-Anon. I'd suggest leaving it to him. In any event, it's not an indicator of recovery.

Nuudawn

I tried to do the 90 in 90...and yes, some days went twice in a day. I have no idea how many I did in the end. Life kept changing...I quit my job and moved within my first 90 days. I know that I really needed a lot of meetings in the early days of my sobriety...I needed to be safe and amongst those who understood. Regardless, 90 meetings in 90 days is a recommendation..not carved in stone anywhere....and whether you miss a day or go to 3 meetings in one day is neither here nor there. I know that smart brain of yours likes to analyze LG...but its his sobriety...you need to exhale. Let go and Let God ...you can't do anything except pray.

Pick-a-name

I get the idea it is to help break a habit and replace it with something healthier as well as learning a new way of thinking until it starts to become "natural" (kinda like why I like to come here and read and post a few times a day) JMO

DesertEyes

Quick answer: You can't go to too many meetings, but you can sure go to not enough.

Yeah it's hard not to be paranoid. You're doing good

So how about you? Are you going to 90 al-anon meets in 90 days? Have you got yourself a good support system of your own? People in recovery that _you_ can call on the phone?

Mike

Zoey

We get to listen to and talk about many parts of the program, to learn faster, get more under our belt, see many more different kinds of people. Gives a better foundation.
IMO, 2 meetings a day is good. Then if they have to miss a day they have lots to think about.
Meetings keep us from wanting a drink so bad. Gives time for fog in brain to lift
90 IN 90 is a suggestion only, but very much encouraged by AA.

hope3

The way I understand the 90 meetings in 90 days

is this: in the early time of recovery it is important

to attend meetings, (if you are going the A.A. way) so the

idea of 90 meetings in 90 days is to help the person be obligated

to positive (A.A, meetings) changes in thier life, not drinking...In A.A. meetings there are so many people suffering the same problems, that attending the meetings are a type of support and understanding of the individuals who go. Plus through the 12 steps a way of renewal....
hope3

LGLG07

thk u all ! so funny nuudawn . i analyze everything ! such a rule follower that the second hes not following rules (and lets face it , he never follows rules!) I am right there ready to come down on him !

i get the picture , I need to worry about me and my recovery and leave him to his !
thank you all , again , for bringing my feet back down to the ground !

Peace

hope3

LGLG07, I think you are great, I just wonder how you came

to the conclusion that you should leave him to his recovery, and

you to yours...I think we have heard this myth so much, that it stuck.

If we are in a marriage or committment, isn't it our obligation to help each other, (in sickness and in health) It's almost like when we say, their recovery vs my recovery, it's all our recovery.....Thier progress is your progress, your progress is thier progress...At least when both of you are in recovery....I have been so fortunate to understand the stigma of this addiction, and start to heal, but I can't imagine recovering alone, and not talking about the realizations we are making in our lives together....I am feeling so much better..

When I didn't understand alcoholism and said to my S/O, ok, i'm quitting, but you got to trust me, blah, blah, blah....I was mad at her, and the world, and feeling low, disgusted and always relapsed, never, seeked help...

Once I really committed, and started educating myself about alcoholism, it was unbelievable, I started seeing myself in every other paragraph, everything made sense...Expecially the parts about family...family is a big part of our recovery..

So, I gave my S/O the books I was reading, and we started having discusiions that were a big part of our healing as a couple...we share our inner most thoughts about what was going on in my head (nothing) and her head, and how blind we are in the throws of addiction, and enabling..

I know this is a long post, but I tried just letting it come out, and hope any of this makes any sense....Bless you, and best wishes..hope3

LGLG07

Hope3.. Thank you so much .. you are so insightful ! I love your gift of seeing things from every angle, it has helped me so much .. and you are right .
I guess Im afraid of crossing that line from supporting his recovery to controlling his recovery (like forcing him to do a meeting a day for 90 days because those are the rules !)
I am still having a very hard time being around him . When I'm not with him I miss him and when I know I am going to see him I really look forward to it and I want him to hug me and kiss me hello . Then I see him and I freeze . I dont want to be near him anymore , I just want to run . If Im with him for an extended time I close up completely . I have to learn to trust him again , its just going to take time .

Thank you everyone . I definitely need to back off on the 'rules' and let him work the program the best way he can for him and support him in his decisions!

Whew , I feel better !
(())s

hope3

LGLGO7, that freezing part is just part of the recovery, you can't

help but feel scared, I sometimes get that look from my lover, and I

just say, I understand, it's not an overnight thing to trust someone that

has lied so much in the past...I hope he understands that..My lover tries and I

try, but we know it is just going to take time, everything isn't just solved cause

I got it, that I can't drink....I wish you every happiness, and recovery...hope3

denny57

Not when I'm the only one helping.

It's not a myth that each of us has to stick to our own recovery. I think the rest of your post actually proves that. "Once 'I' really committed" and "I gave the books I was reading to SO "says it all to me. I always made it clear to AH that the day he committed to his own recovery I was there to support him 100%. But no marriage vow or commitment comes with the obligation to devote my life to convincing someone else to get help for their addiction. I am entitled to a life of my choosing. If I make a conscious choice to devote it to someone else's addiction, so be it. But if I am unhappy with the status quo, I have learned only I have the power to change myself.

hope3

OH, I agree with you 100% denny57, I'm talking about when both are commited to there own recovery, not just one, as was your case...sadly, some will never find it in themselves to get help....I know from reading what you went through, and tried, and commend you on knowing the difference....and that you are doing so well..

But initially I never would have got help without my s/o.., but when I did committ truly, there is an us as well.

That's my feelings on this, not that it's up to someone to go beyond what is right for them to get thier S/O into recovery...

Bless you denny57, hope3

Highlander99

My wife decided she was going to do this and it became her life, it was to the point, that when she left I hardly saw her because when I came home she was leaving for a meeting or 2 and I would not see her until 10:30. All day on the weekends and so I gave her space and tried to be as encouraging as I could. Early on I was told that everyone at the meetings was impressed as to how supportive I was and then 2 months later she tells me she is doing me a favor and leaves. I guess what I am trying to say is it depends on the person. Any one else had their AH make AA their whole life?

fluffyflea

90 meetings in 90 days is an A.A thing and it works wonders for A's especially newcomers.

I did an A.A meeting a day sometimes more for my first nine months in A.A.

Earthworm

denny57

Just want to chime in - it's an Al-Anon thing, too. I did about 90 meetings in 80 days. It kick-started my recovery like nobody's business.

Grasshopper

Hi,it is believed by councerlors,rehab,,etc,,that to change a habbit,it takes 90 meetings,or sessions,or whatever,to make that change.its comes from these folks,although many memeber in both AA/Al-anon promote this theory.You will not see this suggestion in either of our recovery books.Never heard about 90/90 back when i started,in 86,but it came about in the 80,s,or so.
Personally,90/90 or how many meetings,are not there to get hung up on.,worry about.Go to as many as he can.Not to be hung up on the small stuff.The meat and potatoes are in ---,,reading whats in the recovery books,applying it to ones life,that changes begin.