chero

I left him, you guys. I left. Apparently I needed one more beating to get out but I left.

I'm freaking out!

Part of me wants to call him and check on him because he was in such a bad way when I left.
But part of me hates him so much for doing this to me. He was threatening to come and kill my best friend. It was terrible. He was hitting me and it was just awful.

I'm so scared he'll show up at my job tomorrow. I'm freaking out! But I left. I can't believe I did it.

Now what????

havehopetoday

Chero, are you ok?

are you with family/friends? If you know he will be violent, if he shows up at work/wherever, please call 911.

chero

I'm at my pastor's house right now. I'm so scared. I work at the courthouse next door to the sheriff's ofc so if he shows up it won't be good for him. But I'm so confused because I love him and hate him both!

DesertEyes

Chero, you did really good.

You are allowed to love him and hate him both. That's exactly what all the rest of us feel. Just for today focus on what you need to do for yourself _tonite_. You need good sleep, you need to be rested for tomorow.

You might want to call the local al-anon people just to have somebody who understands what you are feeling. You can ask the pastor for a phone book and look up the number there.

I'm praying for you tonite, and every nite. You are going to be fine. You did the right thing.

Mike

havehopetoday

Chero, I was feeling sorry for myself a half hour ago on this board and it was NOTHING compared to what you are going through. Basically I am over myself, but you are going through a most unbeliveably terrible time. The man physically harms you. He has it in him to kill you. Do not doubt that. Do you want to live?

chero

I do want to live. I DO!
Driving down the driveway was the hardest thing I've done.

What is the date....May 10....this is my new day!

I have to make it through tomorrow! Then I'll know. I've never stayed gone longer than 1 night..but I can't go back there!! I can't!

I choose life!

Zoey

If he shows up at work, call 911.OK?

On another thread it was suggested one should alert the boss about what is going on,

Have you checked in on going to a shelter? best to not involve friends and
relatives. JMO
Do you have a tape recorder, if he calls at work and makes threats recordit, best to not take calls tomarrow if someone can screen them first.
again, just my thoughts, but want you to stay safe.

if you have bruses from him hitting you, take pictures, or go to DR. so you have proof, then they don't fight seperate maintence or divorce, if you have some proof.

If you go to a motel or hotel for a few days, go to a hotel where he has to come into the lobby to get to you. Motels they can see where car is parked. etc.

You will be fine, just take precaustions. Please

Caring, concerned hugs

Zoey

So Thankful you are at the pastors house. Will they keep you overnight or for a few days??

havehopetoday

Chero, please always always choose life. Zoey has very good points., please tell your manager, take pictures, and call 911 in a minute if he shows up.
NO ONE has the right to hit you. NO ONE

Seeking Wisdom

Chero ... Congratulations on entering the next chapter of your new life. It can be tough and challenging and it is normal to feel nervous when you first leave ... but this could be a wonderful beginning for you. Be watchful and take care of yourself especially over the next few days until things settle down. It sounds like you have made some very good plans to move forward into a happy new future. Just remember... one step at a time.

Take Care!

socalgal

Chero,
I've been following your story and your progress for a while now. Things really started getting scary and I am so glad you are out. You have tremendous courage. You did it. Don't look back, not yet. Just keep moving forward one step at a time. This has got to be unbelievably difficult and scary, I can't imagine. What I can imagine is you having the life you deserve. You will be ok. You will heal.

Physical abuse is a dealbreaker. You did the right thing. Your instinct for survival kicked in. You are a survivor. Don't ever question what you did or are doing.

You can love and hate someone at the same time. You love the man he was. You hate the man he has become. It is so tragic to see this disease ruin people and families. It is always a reminder to me of why I got sober and stay sober.

I am sorry for the pain and fear you are experiencing. I am lighting a candle and saying a prayer for you tonight. You are safe now.

Stay strong. Stay safe. We all love you very much and I think many of us are breathing a sigh of relief tonight.

(((hugs))) and comfort to get you through the night.

Love,
K

ayla zaire

((((((chero))))))

stay strong, girl.....

prayers and hugs to you.....

ayla

duet_4-8

Chero,
I am a survivor of domestic violence. You can do it. Don't let the voices in your head convince you that he won't do it again. He will. And it will get worse. Please don't go back. For me, it was always hard not to go back because I was so ashamed of what my life was behind closed doors; I didn't want to admit that my life was such a mess. I started believing that I didn't deserve anything better. I started believing the things he said about it being my fault.

It is not your fault. You deserve to be safe. You deserve better. You can do this, and you will never regret it. Things will look much clearer if you will just stay away from him for a few days.

Does OK have anything like an Order of Protection? Here in TN, that is something you can get from the courthouse, without hiring a lawyer or anything, when you are a DV victim. You just go to the courthouse and fill out some papers and a judge signs them and the sheriff serves him with them. If he even comes near you again, you call the police and he is automatically arrested. Period.

I know you probably don't want him arrested, but you have to protect yourself. The man who will beat a woman will usually back down pretty fast when a man with some authority steps in the picture. It doesn't take much of a man to beat a woman.

Please take care of yourself. I will be praying for you.

prodigal

Chero, you must remain in a safe place. I understand your feelings because, as you know, I was a battered spouse. Please, please, please go to court and get a protective order from the judge. Have the police dept. or sheriff take photographs of any scratches or bruises he inflicted on your body. What your husband did to you is assault. It is a criminal offense. This can be proven in a court of law because all the elements of this offense appear to have been met. Whether AH was drunk or not, he formed the intent to hit you.

You have to allow him to bear the consequences of his actions. NOBODY DESERVES TO BE HIT. This man is now threatening to kill your best friend. You have the legal right to call 911 RIGHT NOW and have the police take him to jail. His verbal threat to kill your friend is intent and that is sufficient to have him locked up.

Chero, you are asking "what now?" Right now you put aside your feelings of love, hate, or fear and you do what is right. Righteous anger is not wrong, and you certainly have every right to be pretty doggone angry. This man should have the police knocking on his door this evening. They should come to your pastor's house and take a statement from you. I have lived through this and I was scared to death, but I filed assault charges and got a protective order right away.

If I lived nearby, I'd get in my car and get you the heck to a safe place where you could stay as long as you wished. Unfortunately, I'm in Arizona. I'm pretty damn mad about this right now because what this man did to you makes me sick. Please let us know that you are safe. You can go back in the house and get your belongings with a police escort.

prodigal

... just have a couple of police cruisers pull up at your house and your AH will fold like a house of cards. After the last beating I took from my AH, the police threw him out of the house. Mr. BigShot backed down really fast after that, and I'm glad I finally summoned the courage to sic the police on the bum.

indigo

You've done the right thing take care of yourself, I got out of a dangerous marriage too and took my four kids with me, it's many years ago now and I have never regretted it. Keeping you in my thoughts.

indigo

stone

Yes! Well done Chero!

Done_With_It

****{Chero}}}


That is GREAT!! I and We are all so Proud of you! I can only imagine how hard that must have been, but you did it girl!!

I watched an amazing show on Oprah that was all about spousal abuse, a battered woman was on, she had found the courage to leave her husband only after seeing
a show on Oprah about abusive husbands.

They are showing a part two later this month. It was hard to watch, but it had a lot of great information, esp. from the woman who had escaped.

Here is the link of the recap of the show if you want to look at it. It gives you tips also..

http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200..._284_101.jhtml

You did good girl!!

We are all pulling for you!!

MUCH LOVE AND LIGHT YOUR WAY!!

DWI

best

You know me, you know my story so you know that I say things from living it.

He put himself in such a bad way and only he can fix it. If you try to do for him, he will let you every time. Letting him deal with his own issues is the only way he will learn and find growth and understanding.

Now what?

Gather up your support team. You have the pastor by your side.
You have the Lord with you.
Build up your team with more.
Call the shelter and seek the support and wisdom that they have available.
Look into Al Anon meetings and gather support and the experiences of others that gets shared there.

Expectations.... You know that the Lord will guide your every step... a lamp under our feet...not a beacon into the future.... Trust His guidance and know that it will be there...one step at a time.

ICU

Ahhh, my sweet girl, you did it!!!! I'm in tears for you because you have chosen 'life'! I swear I could just give you the biggest hug right now
((((((((((Chero))))))))))!

What are your thoughts on filing a police report? Do you think it might be a good idea? Perhaps file for a restraining order too??? He did afterall beat you and threaten to kill your friend!

When my ex threatened to kill me, he also threatened to kill my parents. The protective order I have against my ex also includes my parents. He's forbidden to make contact with me, or with them!

Pictures of bruises are always a good thing to have. The police dept. took pictures of mine and have it on file.

I think at this point you know that you can't go back there without a police escort. In my case, the lease was in both of our names and they removed HIM!!! Of course I had the locks changed right away!!! If you choose to have him removed, AND you have either a temporary or permanent restraining order, the police will escort HIM there and stay inside with you while they give him a very short period of time to get his 'stuff'!

I'm so glad you had a bag packed and an emergency place to go. Now you should be on 'code red heightened alert'. Now is the time you need to make safety your ONLY goal. My dv agency has something that's like an alarm that a woman can carry with her. If she sees her attacker approaching, she can engage the alarm which links directly with the police dept. Perhaps your state has something similiar?

I know about the 'love' thing...even after something like that happens because I was torn between the two as well....'love'...and...'fear'. It's a very difficult place to be. It reallly messed with my mind the first week or so after I got the restraining order. So I know how that feels. But remember, you choose LIFE! You can still 'love' him if that's how you feel and no one will try to talk you out of it, but love him from afar....from a safe distance. And keep some of that 'love' for 'YOU'! Now is the time to love yourself enough to be strong enough to do the things you need to do for yourself....

A HUGE, HUGE, HUGE step for you Chero. I have hope and I believe that you will do the right things for 'YOU'...'YOU' are important....'YOU' matter!!!!

Keep us updated....you know I'm here for you!!! Call me if you need to talk, or, to cry. ((((((((((Chero))))))))))