I did it...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Hi chero, did you tell your boss? It might be a good idea, it sounds like you work somewhere he would just get dealt with but, tell your boss anyway? Look after yourself chero, I am SO pleased you did this. You chose life! Your life, that you deserve to enjoy! Please put yourself first from now on. Then you can love the people that deserve love.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
chero sweetheart
i am so happy you left. you have great spirit in you girl!!! believe it. muster up EVERY single once of care you have for yourself right now, muster up every ounce of pride and love i know you have for yourself, every ounce of strength to do the right thing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
hi chero,
I'm glad you are okay and that you got out of there... now is when you will really need to be prepared.
I hope you will do everything in your power to keep yourself, your friends and family safe...You have the power to do that by going to the police and reporting this crime.
prayers and hugs,
cmc
I'm glad you are okay and that you got out of there... now is when you will really need to be prepared.
I hope you will do everything in your power to keep yourself, your friends and family safe...You have the power to do that by going to the police and reporting this crime.
prayers and hugs,
cmc
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Originally Posted by FormerDoormat 
Here's a fresh piece of chalk for you--in a lovely lavender color--to mark your new beginning.
May I suggest that for your first entry you praise The Lord for setting you free?
May I suggest that for your first entry you praise The Lord for setting you free?
I know I can't see it right now but I'm believing everthing will be okay.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
hey chero
this is the second time i have said this today so it must be the message i am supposed to pass on
take every bit of fear, anger, rage, that you have right now and let it FUEL you. let it be your FIRE. be mad as h@@@ and let that guide you- let it outweight any minuet ,miniscule feelings of love and concern you have for him right now. i think you will find that what you have for him really is not "true" love anyway, at least not the HEALTHY kind as that seems to be what a lot of us are finding this week.
take care!!!
take every bit of fear, anger, rage, that you have right now and let it FUEL you. let it be your FIRE. be mad as h@@@ and let that guide you- let it outweight any minuet ,miniscule feelings of love and concern you have for him right now. i think you will find that what you have for him really is not "true" love anyway, at least not the HEALTHY kind as that seems to be what a lot of us are finding this week.
take care!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: concord, nc
Posts: 304
Hang in there. I am praying for you. You will be shocked at what a little time will do for you. You know the old saying, "can't see the forest for the trees"? In time you will be able to clearly see the forest. Be good to yourself.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((Chero))))
I left my abuser.... several times.
I would get beaten... quite badly a couple of times... leave, usually to my mom's or a friends house. He would show up... crying, sad, remorseful, loving, kind, generous..... and I would go back.
Every time... I went back.
The (free!) counseling I got a women's shelter helped me see MY part in the cycle of abuse.... and how I was being sucked back in by the "honeymoon phase". It helped me very much.
To absolutely honest here... It also helped that HE couldn't take it anymore either! HE hated what he did .... he didn't want it to continue... so we decided to get a divorce.
If he had been insistent that last time... I think I would have AGAIN gone back... and I don't know if I would have survived the next time.
Every time he beat me, I hated myself more.
Imagine that.... not only was I getting treated badly, I hated myself for tolerating it. My friends hated me for going back and my family was heartbroken and disappointed.
Today, I know that some GOOD steps I took were -
Going to the women's shelter. Finding outside resources to help me. Not having contact with him for a long time...
I hope you can be strong.... and find the resources you need to stay strong.
I left my abuser.... several times.
I would get beaten... quite badly a couple of times... leave, usually to my mom's or a friends house. He would show up... crying, sad, remorseful, loving, kind, generous..... and I would go back.
Every time... I went back.
The (free!) counseling I got a women's shelter helped me see MY part in the cycle of abuse.... and how I was being sucked back in by the "honeymoon phase". It helped me very much.
To absolutely honest here... It also helped that HE couldn't take it anymore either! HE hated what he did .... he didn't want it to continue... so we decided to get a divorce.
If he had been insistent that last time... I think I would have AGAIN gone back... and I don't know if I would have survived the next time.
Every time he beat me, I hated myself more.
Imagine that.... not only was I getting treated badly, I hated myself for tolerating it. My friends hated me for going back and my family was heartbroken and disappointed.
Today, I know that some GOOD steps I took were -
Going to the women's shelter. Finding outside resources to help me. Not having contact with him for a long time...
I hope you can be strong.... and find the resources you need to stay strong.
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Thanks for the advice Big Sis. Someone told me they do counselling at the women's shelters....they gave me a phone number but I haven't called yet. Since I'm not staying there I didn't know how it worked??
I talked to my AH at lunch. He is still wasted. He literally threw up one second and took a drink of whiskey the next and he has no idea (doesn't remember) i moved out. I'm sad for him.
I'm going to call the women's shelter after work.
I talked to my AH at lunch. He is still wasted. He literally threw up one second and took a drink of whiskey the next and he has no idea (doesn't remember) i moved out. I'm sad for him.
I'm going to call the women's shelter after work.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
i used to go to mine for counseling, without staying there. but they might be different at different places. i doubt it though...rambling
call, it'll be good for you to get that kind of support. it helped me so much that i now volunteer at my local ywca/domestic violence center. those organizations do a great service.
blessings, k
call, it'll be good for you to get that kind of support. it helped me so much that i now volunteer at my local ywca/domestic violence center. those organizations do a great service.
blessings, k
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 26
I agree with havehopetoday....
Everthing has to be put into perspective, and I know you did the right thing. You are obviously strong, even if you don't feel it right now. This is serious, please don't ever let yourself be his victim again, and if he is violent in any capacity call 911.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Keeping you in my prayers...You have taken a critical step to break the cycle and your strength is shining. I'm so glad you are reaching out for help and contacting a shelter. Please stay safe and focus on you and what you need for a better life. Hugs and prayers.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
((((Chero))))
I just sat and cried as I read your posts. I'm so happy that you found the strength you needed to get out. I understand the feelings of love and hate you're experiencing, as I felt those same confusing thoughts too. Know this.....after you are away for a while, those conflicting emotions will settle down. Your self-esteem and courage will grow. It's so hard to do what we know we should do because of that very battle you describe, the one that I call logic versus emotion. Your logical took over and got your emotional side out the door. I think the biggest thing is that you need to continue to let your head rule until your heart can adjust. That was the biggest thing for me. I had to have no contact at first because my heart was ready to give in, but my head refused. Right now, you said that he is drunk today and has no recollection of the fact that you moved out. You also said that you have left before for only one day. My guess is that he doesn't take you seriously, and that even when he realizes you are gone, he'll think you are coming home. Once he sees that you are not caving like always, most likely, he will start to put the pressure on. Promises, apologies, and more promises. These are manipulation tactics at their finest. In my opinion, the best defenses to this are having no contact and second, knowing that he is going to do this. If you know it's coming, you can prevent it from affecting you.
I would guarantee that after even just a month of letting your head stay in control, your heart will begin to see that love doesn't look like that.
You are in my prayers, Chero.
I just sat and cried as I read your posts. I'm so happy that you found the strength you needed to get out. I understand the feelings of love and hate you're experiencing, as I felt those same confusing thoughts too. Know this.....after you are away for a while, those conflicting emotions will settle down. Your self-esteem and courage will grow. It's so hard to do what we know we should do because of that very battle you describe, the one that I call logic versus emotion. Your logical took over and got your emotional side out the door. I think the biggest thing is that you need to continue to let your head rule until your heart can adjust. That was the biggest thing for me. I had to have no contact at first because my heart was ready to give in, but my head refused. Right now, you said that he is drunk today and has no recollection of the fact that you moved out. You also said that you have left before for only one day. My guess is that he doesn't take you seriously, and that even when he realizes you are gone, he'll think you are coming home. Once he sees that you are not caving like always, most likely, he will start to put the pressure on. Promises, apologies, and more promises. These are manipulation tactics at their finest. In my opinion, the best defenses to this are having no contact and second, knowing that he is going to do this. If you know it's coming, you can prevent it from affecting you.
I would guarantee that after even just a month of letting your head stay in control, your heart will begin to see that love doesn't look like that.
You are in my prayers, Chero.
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Thanks, TG. You are right he probably doesn't take me seriously! I never thought of that before.
I'm so nervous to leave the office today and go in the opposite direction of home.
But I know it's the right thing to do.
I'm so nervous to leave the office today and go in the opposite direction of home.
But I know it's the right thing to do.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
chero
a man stood at two paths the direction he took determined the rest of his life - i forget how it all goes but you know what i am talking about
one road - takes you back where you were and...
one road - takes you forward
take a different direction tonight dear.
be safe!!!
one road - takes you back where you were and...
one road - takes you forward
take a different direction tonight dear.
be safe!!!
Practicing the lion's roar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 291
chero, when I left my ex-A, my counselor advised me to keep a list in my car with directions to various local police stations so if he decided to follow me, I could lead him to a station where any confrontation would probably be safer and he wouldn't be able to find out where I live. I was fortunate that I never needed to use my list, but this might not be a bad idea for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: NOR CAL
Posts: 70
Originally Posted by chero
He is still wasted. He literally threw up one second and took a drink of whiskey the next and he has no idea (doesn't remember)
keep thinking about this, he is far gone, and will need a miracle to bring him back to reality. Recovery is far away for him, give him a LONG time before assuming that he's changed, just assume he HASN'T. Do things for yourself, try not to think about him, let him hit bottom, and don't be there to pick him up. You deserve happiness, and you need to look to the future (without him). No contact would be good, that way you can focus on YOU! You're a strong girl and you can do this! Your future awaits. I'll be praying for you.
Let Go Let God
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
hey chero . im just catching up with your thread .
So happy for you ! You are really thinking of yourself now . Can you think back to a couple of months ago ? Would you ever have believed you would of had the guts ?
Just goes to show you , you never know what strength you have until you have to use it !
I will be praying for you and in time you will feel without a doubt , that you did the right thing !
So happy for you ! You are really thinking of yourself now . Can you think back to a couple of months ago ? Would you ever have believed you would of had the guts ?
Just goes to show you , you never know what strength you have until you have to use it !
I will be praying for you and in time you will feel without a doubt , that you did the right thing !
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