havehopetoday

I want to cry for all of the years and emotions I wasted on him
I want to cry for all of the years of negative emotions I received from him.
I want to cry for all of the years I wasted on him
and lastly, I am crying that this eve he poked through the armour once more to tell me how useless I am, and although I know it's not true, it still hurt.

How mean r they?

prodigal

In answer to your question as to how mean an A can become, my opinion is they can be as mean as one of Satan's own offspring! And they love the drama and the hurting and the manipulating and the lies. Well, maybe they don't love it, but they certainly appear to enjoy getting into a good old fashioned fight when the chance avails itself.

So, why are you staying with someone who tells you that you're useless?

havehopetoday

good question.
I thought I had it figured out....was working my program..tonite was the first mean incident "again" in a long time
I got sucked in. again.
shame on me

havehopetoday

Prodigal, your other thread so helped me. I won't get blood out of a turnip.
It was a weak moment this eve, and thanks to you I am already getting over it.

denny57

As mean as I let him be.

havehopetoday

really? how do you control how mean they are?

Seeking Wisdom

The unwarranted meanness and blaming is one of the cruelest aspects of alcoholism ... with those closest to them becoming their unwilling targets. My husband eventually became so cruel and mean when he relapsed from 2 years of sobriety, I couldn't believe it was the person I had married ... when in fact it wasn't, it was the insane, irrational, monster alcohol had turned him into. Unfortunately, I did not know then what I have learned since... or it would have been easier to turn a deaf ear to the insanity and not waste my precious time listening to the ravings of a very sick, self absorbed, irrational alcoholic that had to vent all his anger at anyone that got too close to him. However as much as we work at detaching, it can still be a very painful experience when someone we thought cared about our well being .. becomes our worst enemy.

havehopetoday

thank you, sw, I do know that...but obviously i slip and forget. and I continue to learn. thank you

denny57

I can't, and don't. I control my taking it or leaving it. That doesn't mean leaving or staying. People will treat me the way I allow them to. I DO have control over that.

Does he talk to everyone like that?

havehopetoday

Denny, unfortunately yes. he is supposed to be in active recovery - but he isn't. So I've had to cut the cord alot lately. I know im ending this. I am just venting. you are very right. why would i want to be with someone who thinks i am useless?
sometimes it takes another to mirror the issue. I was getting strong, I am still strong, tonite was a weak moment. Bad week at work, lack of sleep, etc.Tomorrow will be better

denny57

Yes, it will. Boy, if he talks to everyone like that, how many friends can he have? Come to think of it, AH is down to 1. It's very sad how the disease ends up isolating someone when they need outside help the most.

Have a great tomorrow!

havehopetoday

I shall, and thanks for being here. nite

prodigal

Havehope, I'm a "night creature" so I tend to keep rather strange hours. I'm glad my post helped you out some. Believe me, I make plenty of slips but we're all human, right? Don't be hard on yourself. Please don't think of it as getting "sucked in." He said hurtful, cruel things to you and you experienced the normal response of having your feelings hurt.

My AH has said some of the filthiest, cruelest things to me that I've ever heard come out of a person's mouth. I know it's a bunch of b.s., so I stopped trying to disprove his opinion of me a long time ago. I stopped defending myself to some sick, twisted, pathetic person. He doesn't spew the filth he used to; now he's just indifferent and makes that quite clear on a regular basis. It's abuse just like the filth he spewed at me. It still bugs me a bit, but it sure as heck doesn't hurt me anymore.

I hope by your saying you are in the process of ending this, you mean you will be able to permanently detach from him. You don't deserve to be spoken to that way.

mallowcup

What a way to feel his power? He picks on the only person he can hurt. It's not like there's crowd of fans outside. I think we all have an insult tank, a tear tank, when it's full, it's full. I know my tears were a plea, a prayer.
We all marry with this pristine idea about the whole thing. When the last veil of enchantment drops, there is no filter for the caustic cruel things he says.

loveRoy

HHT, you and I cannot change the past--years, emotions. We only have today. It is hard. I was married for 31 years. Yes, when I think about it I too am sick. I have shed a boat load of tears. None of it changes the bottom line--how are we going to live today? How are we going to treat ourselves today? I pray for him everyday but my HP knows that I can NEVER live with him again. Take it one bridge at a time.

parentrecovers

forgiveness. blessings, k

mallowcup

Something I have come to ralize is that you can forgive someone and never se them again. Forgiveness doesn't have to mean taking him back. You are precious.

justjo

Him, him. You are not crying for him.
You are crying for you. You know you have to move on and look after yourself.
I am sorry but he is not to blame for the time you see yourself wasted on him! You are sorry that you did nt see it earlier. Now you have, move on and enjoy your life.
There is no use crying over old issues and time wasted. It is the past, so move on and look towards your future.
Sorry I see it as it is.
Good Luck

hopeangel

as so beautifully put by mallow - " we all have an insult tank, a tear tank, when it's full, it's full"

its a process dear and one i am finding we all go through here to get where we are. you will get there!

i look at it this way now... every insult, mean, inconsiderate thing, - right now is leading me and pushing me in the direction i need to go to a better life. i turn it around and use it as fuel to do the things i need to do for myself!

denny57

havehopetoday

How are you doing today?