howdoIknow

We have been together for 2 years. He is a bi-polar alcoholic. He takes meds, but negates them w/the alcohol. It has been a rough few weeks w/him trying to NOT drink. He has slipped a few times. Yesterday when I got home he was VISIBLY impaired. He was slurring and stumbling and looking for $4 he thought he lost (for no apparent reason). He was also drinking O'Douls, which his therapist has told him is not a good idea. I don't know if the O'douls was to cover up the other beer smell or not. When I asked him why he was so messed up, he was instantly defensive (as he is about everything). He said it was just from his dr raising his rx's (which he did do). I asked again because it ususally takes about 5 times for him to tell me the truth, and he said he just wanted to be left alone, & not hounded w/the same question. I left him alone. I also got my pillow to sleep on the couch. This prompted him to pack a bag and leave. Yes I told him he shouldn't be driving no matter what was causing his behavior. He didn't listen. I told him that he should take more than a day's worth of clothes w/him. He said he would come back today while I was at work and get things.

I am not at work. I am a trembling nauseated mess. I don't know what to do if he comes back today. Why is this so hard??? Was I being insensitive to his bipolar disorder, or did I do the right thing? I thing I already know and that's why I'm here.

mallowcup

Absolutely a good thing. If he weren't leaving it sounds like you'd have to. Whatever is causing his behavior, you can't fix it or live with it. It is always best to have the comfort of your own home when you are hurting. I would change the locks today. He left and I would take this opportunity to claim your safe turf. He needs to go somewhere else and get himself straightened out. Mental health issues that required increased dosages to maintain a quality of life usually get worse in my opinion. Life becomes a constant progression of increased dosages for an unpredicatable quality of life at best.

CE Girl

I'm gonna be a tad tough here howdoiknow, but STOP second guessing your self!

Not like I've ever done that,,,he,he,he

You absolutely did the right thing. Doesn't sort of feel like a train wreck about to happen? Would you stand on the tracks waiting for it to hit you? No matter WHY that train was out of control?

I'm thinking you would run for your life

How is what you did any different?

As far as what to do if he comes back? Form some boundries and have a plan. I agree with Mallow and claim some space.

peace

loveRoy

Yes it is so hard. If I had not told AH to find another place to live, I would be 100% crazy by now. Give yourself some time to be by yourself. Peace is priceless.

minnie

You know what the answer is in your heart if you can stop the chatterbox for a moment.

If he wasn't BiPolar or a drinker, would his behaviour be acceptable?

howdoIknow

I know it's the right thing, that is why I am sobbing right now. I'm not worried about changing the locks today, he was very cold and practical about moving his things out. He has never been the least bit violent or even yelled at me. Plus I will have to move to within a month or so. I can't afford to live here by myself. Why can't I just stop loving him??? Why can he be so robotic about it, like I am a leased car he is about to return???

mallowcup

Frankly, you can't have more until you stop setling for less. Real true love that will be returned is out there waiting and you'll never be free to find your own mental health and happiness with this man giving you the best life his chemical dependence will allow.
This is a process and I wouldn't call it love. You are purging yourself of a toxin and because it feels intense, it feels like love. He is so masked with drugs and alcohol there is no "him". He has become the culmination of adverse effects. He is a vessel that reacts to the drugs and alcohol he fills himself up with everday.
Somewhere out there a man is praying for a girl just like you and how can your prayers or his prayers be answered unless you are willing to recieve it?
I know that medications can work and imprive the quality of life and some have a whole new outlook and some abuse that blessing and start a downward spiral. You don't want a drooling man who you have to lead around on a leash.

denny57

I can't just stop loving someone because my makeup doesn't allow it. I felt the same way as you, but with time and hard work, I continue to move on. I wouldn't worry that he is robotic. Start today to focus on YOU. Al-anon and therapy have helped me enormously. I do whatever it takes to get me back on a healthy track.

Hang in there - I hope you'll look back in the not too distant future and be able to see that your inability to instantly turn off your love is an asset, not a detriment.

((())))

parentrecovers

it's a good thing. blessings, k

Zoey

Be Thankful you are not married. It is for the best for you both for him to go.

Sometimes we just have to love from a distance, that will work out with time.
Go to lots of meetings, sharing will help you and others. Just my thoughts.

Caring,concerned hugs

Sunflower

some people I know in AA drink odouls--they say it helps them? I don't know.
If he is bipolar and they just changed his medicine--they can almost appear to be drinking when in fact they are not.slurred speech-aggitation-mobility-sleeping a lot--many side effects....could it have been that which caused his appearance?
They are famous for wanting to be ''left alone'' and so are the As so it can be hard to tell sometimes.
Even if he is not drinking an it is the bi polar meds--you will have to decide if you can live with someone who is bi polar---my son is one--so I understand.

WhatAboutME

"You can't have more until you stop settling for less."

Wow. That sentence hit me like a ton of bricks. That's it.

Oh, and non-alcoholic beer is for NON-ALCOHOLICS! My AH pulled this crap on me once. He would drink about 100 O'Douls per sitting. Yeah, OK. Much better.

havehopetoday

I do love Mallowcups replys...she has it nailed.
you have to take care of you...