Crazy, Crazy people!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Backwoods, PA
Posts: 223
Crazy, Crazy people!
My alcoholic relatives are lashing out, stronger than ever before, in defense of my ex-Abf. How terribly screwed up this is!!!! They are even attacking my mother because she said that he is not welcome in her home again. I am not trying to look like a martyr or a victim. I just don't want to see the man who abused me at any of the family gatherings. My so-called family members, THE ALCOHOLICS, think that he should be welcome. They still think that he is a wonderful, kind man. He made my mother a bird feeder, and he made my aunt a Christmas ornament, and he cuts my brother-in-law's grass. I know why he did these things, and I'm sure that most of you do too!!! NEVERMIND that this is the same man who threw me out of our home after I was diagnosed with cancer; told me to get down on the floor and lick up dog ****, and just recently had the locks changed on our home so that I can't get any of my belongings. He has abused me emotionally, verbally, and sometimes physically for years. My A relatives know it and they STILL want to be his friend.
They lashed out at my mother while I was gone today, and they will be here in the morning. Should I let them know what a**holes they are or should I defend myself quietly and calmly OR should I not react or discuss anything with them at all????
I desperately need an Alanon meeting and there aren't any around here anymore.
Can you help me out here friends?????
Thanks!
Grace
They lashed out at my mother while I was gone today, and they will be here in the morning. Should I let them know what a**holes they are or should I defend myself quietly and calmly OR should I not react or discuss anything with them at all????
I desperately need an Alanon meeting and there aren't any around here anymore.
Can you help me out here friends?????
Thanks!
Grace
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Grace,
You cannot control others, their thoughts or feelings. You can only control you. I wouldn't waste my breath or time on them...you know the truth.
Move forward with your life, leave them in your dust.
You cannot control others, their thoughts or feelings. You can only control you. I wouldn't waste my breath or time on them...you know the truth.
Move forward with your life, leave them in your dust.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Breath!!!!!
Sweetie.. you already know the answers to all this. How well did it work for you when you tryed to talk to your Alcoholic??? Who is all wound up here????
Only you can decide what you need to do but there is no reasoning with an active alcoholic and you have already tried that with him, trust me it does not work on other alcoholics either.
If they want to be his friend you can not control that, all you can do is make a choice for yourself .... He knows your buttons... just dont let him push them anymore.
Sweetie.. you already know the answers to all this. How well did it work for you when you tryed to talk to your Alcoholic??? Who is all wound up here????
Only you can decide what you need to do but there is no reasoning with an active alcoholic and you have already tried that with him, trust me it does not work on other alcoholics either.
If they want to be his friend you can not control that, all you can do is make a choice for yourself .... He knows your buttons... just dont let him push them anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
"They are even attacking my mother because she said that he is not welcome in her home again."
It's her house, and if she does not want him there,it is HER call,not their's! (Let them invite him to their house and they can have a grand ol' time to their hearts' content!)
Sorry you are having so much drama. Save your breath and energy and ignore them,if you can. JMO
It's her house, and if she does not want him there,it is HER call,not their's! (Let them invite him to their house and they can have a grand ol' time to their hearts' content!)
Sorry you are having so much drama. Save your breath and energy and ignore them,if you can. JMO
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Grace...birds of a feather....I dont rationalize with the irrational!
You are right, you are justified, you are more than entitled to not being in his presence. I cant change who others invite, but I can adjust where I go.
Oh and PS..the alanon meetings near me have been 'postponed'.. I hear ya!
You are right, you are justified, you are more than entitled to not being in his presence. I cant change who others invite, but I can adjust where I go.
Oh and PS..the alanon meetings near me have been 'postponed'.. I hear ya!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
He has your belongings locked up in "his" house???
Is your name on the title to the house? If it is, you have the legal right to enter that house. If he changed the locks and threw you out, that happens to be a legal case of abandonment. Walking out is not abandonment, which was already brought up in a different post today. He is still in the house, but you are legally married to him. His changing the locks, without filing a complaint for separation or divorce, IS abandonment in strictly legal terms.
Do you have an attorney? This is where you instigate legal action. Quit trying to reason with those bunch of buffoons you have for relatives. Have your mother change the locks on HER house doors to keep them out, or just don't answer the door when they come calling (if they don't have keys or access to keys).
Grace, you are getting yourself worked up into a tizzy over a bunch of drunk a**holes who aren't worth the effort to spit on. Seek legal advice NOW. Look, I was married to a pathological liar who hit me. Yeah, he had plenty of boozehound buddies who thought he was the life of the party. They were a bunch of LOSERS, just like him. Some of them actually believed his lies and naturally sided with him when I left. So what!!?!?! I got an attorney so I could get my stuff moved out of HIS house (my name was NOT on the title) and I was within the parameters of the law. My clothes, my furniture I owned prior to the marriage, and any other items of a personal nature were MINE. He legally could not keep my stuff.
Repeat: GET AN ATTORNEY. NOW.
Do you have an attorney? This is where you instigate legal action. Quit trying to reason with those bunch of buffoons you have for relatives. Have your mother change the locks on HER house doors to keep them out, or just don't answer the door when they come calling (if they don't have keys or access to keys).
Grace, you are getting yourself worked up into a tizzy over a bunch of drunk a**holes who aren't worth the effort to spit on. Seek legal advice NOW. Look, I was married to a pathological liar who hit me. Yeah, he had plenty of boozehound buddies who thought he was the life of the party. They were a bunch of LOSERS, just like him. Some of them actually believed his lies and naturally sided with him when I left. So what!!?!?! I got an attorney so I could get my stuff moved out of HIS house (my name was NOT on the title) and I was within the parameters of the law. My clothes, my furniture I owned prior to the marriage, and any other items of a personal nature were MINE. He legally could not keep my stuff.
Repeat: GET AN ATTORNEY. NOW.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Grace, do you know why your relatives push your buttons? Because they CAN. Because you allow it. And only you can put an end to it. What help do you want from us? We can't make them stop pushing your buttons. Only you can do that.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
It's good to vent, Grace. I'm glad that you have this place to do that.
I hear ya on the crazy relatives. My xabf's family was just as nuts as he was, if not worse. I am SOOO glad I don't have to hear from them anymore.
Get it out....get it all out. Just not with them because they'll have you where they want you. Go run, dance, scream in your car, vent here some more, but like the commercial says "just don't let them see you sweat".
((hugs))
I hear ya on the crazy relatives. My xabf's family was just as nuts as he was, if not worse. I am SOOO glad I don't have to hear from them anymore.
Get it out....get it all out. Just not with them because they'll have you where they want you. Go run, dance, scream in your car, vent here some more, but like the commercial says "just don't let them see you sweat".
((hugs))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Backwoods, PA
Posts: 223
Sorry to sound like a broken record!
I apologize. Same BS....Different Day!
It is the FIRST TIME that my mother stood up for herself and actually for me.
My uncle has been using her as a verbal punching bag for years and I have always hated it. It's not just about what they're doing to me; they hurt my mother too. It seems like she is being punished because I am living here. My mother and I have had our fair share of confrontations, but they have actually helped us to heal.
I know that you guys can't tell me what to do and I DO hate all this melodrama.
I will detach and not react. I will distance myself, but I will not allow them to attack my mother again. Unfortunately, I wasn't here.
Prodigal!!! No, my name is not on the title and we are not married. We lived together for a long time and he took my savings for the house. Unfortunately, I was nuts at the time and I gave him cash. I had just recently had a partial lobotomy, or at least it appeared that way. He was constantly telling me to get the f**k out because I would not listen to his orders. I finally walked out because I was sick and tired of the abuse. He says he didn't throw me out, but he did.....all the time.
I did talk to my lawyer and I am going to see him soon.
"Quit trying to reason with those bunch of buffoons you have for relatives."
You are absolutely right. I need to start picturing them as a bunch of buffoons.
Maybe that will make it easier. I was mostly upset because they came here and lashed out at my mom. They are angry at me, so they shouldn't take it out on her.
Today will be better!
Thanks everyone!
It is the FIRST TIME that my mother stood up for herself and actually for me.
My uncle has been using her as a verbal punching bag for years and I have always hated it. It's not just about what they're doing to me; they hurt my mother too. It seems like she is being punished because I am living here. My mother and I have had our fair share of confrontations, but they have actually helped us to heal.
I know that you guys can't tell me what to do and I DO hate all this melodrama.
I will detach and not react. I will distance myself, but I will not allow them to attack my mother again. Unfortunately, I wasn't here.
Prodigal!!! No, my name is not on the title and we are not married. We lived together for a long time and he took my savings for the house. Unfortunately, I was nuts at the time and I gave him cash. I had just recently had a partial lobotomy, or at least it appeared that way. He was constantly telling me to get the f**k out because I would not listen to his orders. I finally walked out because I was sick and tired of the abuse. He says he didn't throw me out, but he did.....all the time.
I did talk to my lawyer and I am going to see him soon.
"Quit trying to reason with those bunch of buffoons you have for relatives."
You are absolutely right. I need to start picturing them as a bunch of buffoons.
Maybe that will make it easier. I was mostly upset because they came here and lashed out at my mom. They are angry at me, so they shouldn't take it out on her.
Today will be better!
Thanks everyone!
I Finally Love My Life!!!
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 648
(((Grace)))
When I kicked my XABF out of the house because he was drinking behind my back and lying about it, I got the weirdest voice message from his stepmom. We were both supposed to attend a bridal shower for a friend of his family's and she wanted to know if I was still coming.
However, she didn't ask it that simply. It was very nasty demanding that I let her know ASAP and that she couldn't wait around for me to get back to her.
Why the heck was she PO'd at me?
One time I watched in horror as his family laughed hysterically at very painful text messages his brother's X was sending him when he ditched on her and her 2 kids - his brother is addicted to oxy and an A to boot. He read them aloud on a family vacation to everyone.
All I kept thinking was...that will be me someday they are laughing at...
Now, I am working on giving myself my own validation. Why? Because I don't need for it to come from others. I can't point my compass to North according to what spinning people tell me is North.
You sound like you are already there
When I kicked my XABF out of the house because he was drinking behind my back and lying about it, I got the weirdest voice message from his stepmom. We were both supposed to attend a bridal shower for a friend of his family's and she wanted to know if I was still coming.
However, she didn't ask it that simply. It was very nasty demanding that I let her know ASAP and that she couldn't wait around for me to get back to her.
Why the heck was she PO'd at me?
One time I watched in horror as his family laughed hysterically at very painful text messages his brother's X was sending him when he ditched on her and her 2 kids - his brother is addicted to oxy and an A to boot. He read them aloud on a family vacation to everyone.
All I kept thinking was...that will be me someday they are laughing at...
Now, I am working on giving myself my own validation. Why? Because I don't need for it to come from others. I can't point my compass to North according to what spinning people tell me is North.
You sound like you are already there
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
Great responses!
This in particular tugged at my heart....
I 'was' the one that was laughed at. My brother would always get a kick out of my pain, and laugh about it, mimic me crying, etc.! Perhaps that was a deciding factor when I chose to eliminate him from my life!
This in particular tugged at my heart....
Originally Posted by cagefree 
One time I watched in horror as his family laughed hysterically at very painful text messages his brother's X was sending him when he ditched on her and her 2 kids - his brother is addicted to oxy and an A to boot. He read them aloud on a family vacation to everyone.
All I kept thinking was...that will be me someday they are laughing at...
All I kept thinking was...that will be me someday they are laughing at...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
Grace .. you have my sympathies. You are trying to cope with the heartache and pain associated with unhealthy, destructive, dysfunctional behaviors of your partner, and you are trying to make positive changes in your life .. and instead of getting sympathy and support from your family, they further attempt to mock and demean you ... and then they go after your mom. How cruel and heartless people can sometimes be ... and it can especially hurt when it comes from those close to us. The only positive that seems to have come from this is that your mother came to your side and supported you ...and stood up for herself as well...it seems like she might be setting healthy boundries that will benefit the both of you in the weeks and months ahead.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I have some family members whos sense of humor is always at someone elses expense. They'll peck your eyes out if you let them. They are of the mentality that if they can make someone look stupid, it makes them look cool. They think their comments are clever and they all laugh as if to validate that YOU are the dumb cluck.
They probably have alot to do with why I used to settle for so little, why I expected so little. Boundaries? If I had set boundaries, I'd have been a lonely girl.
You either become one of them, you let them peck your eyes out until you bleed to death or.... you leave.
I left.
You remove yourself. You said your mother needs alot of help. Since they stop by everyday and stay all day, let them help her, they can all laugh and have a good time while you go and live your life. The other day your mother was laughing with them.
They may be relatives but that doesn't make make them exempt frmom being the villiage idiots.
Your mother is obviously going to keep opening her door to them. It's her house.
My life became much happier when I moved away from them. Believe me, they live their lives within a five mile radius. You move a half hour away and you'll probably never see any of them again.
You have to be proactive in your own life. If you just let life happen to you, you will become whatever THEY need for you to be. Why not suprise everyone and move out?
It will serve two purposes. It will get you away from that negativity and it will give them something to talk about.
If this is going to stop, you have to be the one to stop it.
They probably have alot to do with why I used to settle for so little, why I expected so little. Boundaries? If I had set boundaries, I'd have been a lonely girl.
You either become one of them, you let them peck your eyes out until you bleed to death or.... you leave.
I left.
You remove yourself. You said your mother needs alot of help. Since they stop by everyday and stay all day, let them help her, they can all laugh and have a good time while you go and live your life. The other day your mother was laughing with them.
They may be relatives but that doesn't make make them exempt frmom being the villiage idiots.
Your mother is obviously going to keep opening her door to them. It's her house.
My life became much happier when I moved away from them. Believe me, they live their lives within a five mile radius. You move a half hour away and you'll probably never see any of them again.
You have to be proactive in your own life. If you just let life happen to you, you will become whatever THEY need for you to be. Why not suprise everyone and move out?
It will serve two purposes. It will get you away from that negativity and it will give them something to talk about.
If this is going to stop, you have to be the one to stop it.
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