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-   -   Am I a "functioning" alcoholic? I need advice. (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/123110-am-i-functioning-alcoholic-i-need-advice.html)

newblue82 05-09-2007 03:36 PM

Am I a "functioning" alcoholic? I need advice.
 
I suppose my poison of choice is drinking. Anywhere between 3-4 drinks a day perhaps 3-4 times a week and if I notice I'm running low; I go to buy more alcohol. However, I don't think I have a problem because when I get tired of drinking I'm capable of not drinking for months. I've never driven after drinking and I've never been sick from drinking. To other people though it seems that I have a problem and this is what causes me to worry or feel guilty when I drink.

Drinking for some reason makes me happier, calmer and although I'm not a raving lunatic without it, I do notice myself feeling less upbeat and energetic. I suppose it becomes something akin to an induced type of depression. For the first couple of days of not drinking, I don't even think about alcohol but once day 4 or 5 hits, I'm thinking about it and making a conscience effort not to go buy it.The problem is my entire family drinks and drinking has become a very necessary part of any social gathering we have. For us, alcohol just makes it all the more fun.

My father wakes up to drinking (5AM) and has a drink for lunch and one for dinner. I tell him he drinks too much and he tells me I drink too much especially for my age
(24). I live with my father and we both work for the same company. So we spend a lot of time together and when I make up my mind not to drink, he'll want to drink and bring alcohol back into the house. It's hard for me to resist and we're social drinkers so we enjoy drinking together. And OMG, the more I'm writing the more concerned I'm becoming.

Okay, my drinking has never interfered with school, work or any relationship of mine (for what that's worth considering I use to date a coke user). I found this encouraging and the fact I can and have stayed clean for months before but I just took this test that screens for possible alcoholism and the results were not good even when I included these things that had me convinced that I DON'T have a problem.

Health wise, I feel fine. I do suffer with occasional sleep problems (but who doesn't) and I get reoccurring headaches. I was a good student (graduated college with a 3.8GPA), I'm a good worker (come to work on time and get the job done never been absent) and I'm a good companion (I went out of my way for my addict GF because I loved her that much). But now I'm so confused and more than alittle scared. What's going on? What should I do?

misslisa 05-09-2007 03:45 PM

newblue82!!

Your story sounds so familiar to me, thats how it all began for me years ago. I could 'enjoy' a few drinks and get on with life. Not drink for a few days, but any opportunity to go out with my mates I would drink more to 'socialise'. I too thought I had a problem, but I ignored it. Unlike you, your seeing something that is not comfortable, your so lucky to notice this in the early stages.

Headaches are ususally dehydration (mainly caused by drinking alcohol) When I drank my self to sleep I would never get good quality sleep and I would feel horrid the next day. Im 11 days sober now and I am sleeping like a baby with so much energy through the day.

Coming on here to be brave enough to share your story is the first step. maybe think about what it is you want to do next. Go to AA? Stop completly? Move out so you can be in a alcohol free environment? the choices are yours.

You dont have to conform to society, I have read so many wonderful testimonies of 5 years sober - 35 years sober. If they can do it so can we!

Hope you find what your looking for, my prayers are with you.

denny57 05-09-2007 03:49 PM

Welcome newblue

Have you also tried posting in the alcoholism forum?

Glad you're here!

Astro 05-09-2007 03:56 PM

Here's a simple test http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/....cfm?PageID=71 Be honest and true to yourself. Only you can decide for sure.

I felt I was a high-functioning alcoholic. Never had work problems, had a nice home, beautiful wife and kids, friends and family. It's still a little shocking to think about how quickly I turned the corner and my world turned upside-down. Divorced, living in a little apartment, joint custody of our children, and daily AA meetings. No regrets, I have an awesome life, and a strong awareness that I'm an alcoholic and can never safely take a drink again.

Astro 05-09-2007 03:58 PM

Incidentally, I only answered no to two of the questions on that test. So much for being functional;-)

Janitw 05-09-2007 04:08 PM

Just wanted to hello and welcome Newblue82.....

newblue82 05-09-2007 04:32 PM

Thank you every one so much for your quick responses. I was in a real panic and to Astro thanks for the link. Out of 12 questions, I answered two "yes". But I don't take that for granted. It is a progressive disease and I DO need to cut back on my drinking. So again thank you all! I love you guys so much;)

newblue82 05-09-2007 04:55 PM

I guess I just find it a little frustrating that there are so many definitions of alcoholism. To say to someone who may be an alcoholic "only you know if you drink too much" is disconcerting considering most alcoholics live in denial. What does it take to get that slam in the gut you need to recognize when you have a problem? I mean I have yet to experience any real painful consequences because of my drinking aside from some minor physical ailments that may or may not be due to alcohol. Someone once asked me "Are you really drinking too much if it hasn't had any real negative impact on your life?" No problems with the law, with work, with my friends or family. I haven't lost anything as a result of my drinking except some small peace of mind. So now what?

Zoey 05-09-2007 05:23 PM

Have you had blackouts?
Try some open AA meetings.
So many AA people are fantastic, the program is priceless. So glad you are questioning.

Keep coming back.

denny57 05-09-2007 05:37 PM

I knew when I went looking for a forum to help me address my co-dependency that I had a problem.

prodigal 05-09-2007 05:51 PM

Well said, Denny. If we think we have a problem, then it IS a problem.

lilac 05-09-2007 06:03 PM

Welcome.

FormerDoormat 05-09-2007 06:10 PM

Well said, Denny. That's when I realized I had a problem with co-dependency, too.

NewBlue: Have you spoken to your family doctor about this? Talked to an addiction counselor? Attended any AA meetings? That may help you guage the severity of your problem.

I'm not an alcoholic, so I guess you could say I'm an expert on sobriety. And based on that I can tell you that I drink fewer than 3-4 drinks a year. I never keep alcohol in my house. Never crave or desire a drink. Alcohol doesn't make me happier or calmer. In fact, it makes me feel lousy. It makes my head ache, it clouds my thinking, it makes it difficult for me to walk and talk--I don't find any of this the least bit amusing or pleasant. I even hate the way it tastes. Alcohol doesn't make anything more fun. It tends to ruin the fun. The only time I ever thought of alcohol was when my ex-alcoholic boyfriend was wreaking havoc in my life. I wanted to totally irradicate alcohol from my life, and thank God I have.

So if my definition of sobriety and my relationship with alcohol is the opposite of your description of your relationship with alcohol, does that mean you're an alcoholic? I'd say probably so.

The good news is that now that you recognize that you most likely have a problem, you can get to work on solving it. You may find it beneficial to also post on the alcoholic forum, as those folks have first-hand experience with dealing with alcoholism. And while we do have some regular posters on this forum who are recovering alcoholics, the majority of the participants here are partners, family, or friends of alcoholics.

Of course, if you feel more comfortable posting here, we'd love to welcome you into our group.

LGLG07 05-09-2007 07:36 PM

welcome newblue82! keep reading and keep posting ! I hope that you find what you are looking for .

(((())))s

Girlfriend 05-09-2007 08:25 PM

Hey NewBlue,

Thank God you're concerned about it. Alot don't even think about it, they just keep doing it.

The fact that you see your dad drinking from 5am on up is a scare for you, too, I'm sure. I'm an RA and my x husband still drinks and does drugs. He's 50 yrs old.

My daughter is 25 and drinks moderately and has always said "I don't EVER want to become an alcoholic or a drug user". I can safely say I feel confident enough that she won't. She's a recording artist in NYC and has been for 7 years. Her career is her passion.

My 28 yr old son, though, does have a drinking problem. But, he doesn't think so. It does effect his school (finishing his BA) and his finances. And, the relationships around him.

Good luck to you, honey! The hardest thing to do is to admit. You've gotten that far...keep going.

newblue82 05-09-2007 10:25 PM

I had a calm realization that "Alcohol does NOT control me." It doesn't control me because as you all said half the battle is recognizing the problem. Now that I've recognized the problem I can TAKE control of the situation, conscious effort or effortless, I CAN stop drinking or at least keep it limited to social events. You all have provided me so much insight and enlightenment. I really appreciate it. God bless:)

guyinNC 05-10-2007 07:07 AM

First, stop drinking. Do not drink anymore again, forever. Next......time to move out on your own if you can afford to. (Save up, if needed then move.) Work for another company, if being with your father and his drinking makes you want to drink.

Its your life, you know what to do. Make it happen!!

Good Luck!

FormerDoormat 05-10-2007 08:12 AM

"I CAN stop drinking or at least keep it limited to social events."

Every alcoholic claims they can "stop" or "limit" their drinking. Sadly, they cannot. But you just go ahead and keep on fooling yourself because you're not fooling anyone here.

denny57 05-10-2007 08:24 AM

I think Guy makes a good point. Why not just stop? Say for 2 years?

newblue82 05-10-2007 09:19 AM

I'm really not trying to let myself off the hook here but as I said before I never thought I had a problem with drinking. Other people would say that they thought I did and I can recognize the pattern of behaviors that may have given them that perception of me but I'd always been comfortable with my drinking and as I said because I had never experienced any negative consequences due to my drinking, I certainly never considered myself an alcoholic.

I think I'm starting to see though a major consequence of even questioning whether you may be an alcoholic because it then seems like your suddenly stuck with that title no matter what you say or do thereafter. I notice that now that I've questioned whether I am, that now that I say I'm not it appears to be a state of "denial". But I'm being honest with myself and I know that I'm okay.

I shouldn't stop drinking because I may be an alcoholic because I'm not. I should stop drinking because it's unhealthy to drink just as I have stopped indulging in too much junk food. It's just something I need to do for the sake of my health.


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