queenteree

I also posted this under the alcoholics forum cause I'd like all different opinions, so I am curious, if alcoholism means your addicted to alcohol, then how come my husband binge drinks, and by that I mean can drink for three weeks straight then doesn't drink for a week or two only to start up again and drink every day for weeks again. If it is a disease, then how come he can pick and chose when to go on his benders, and actually be around alcohol and say no to alcohol when he choses to not drink? My son doesn't believe it is a disease, says it's a matter of choice since he can do that and now I'm beginning to wonder. Thanks for your opinions.

WhatAboutME

My AH sounds very similar in his drinking patterns to yours. He'll go a day or two or three, or maybe even a week or so (not usually this long anymore) without drinking and then he'll binge drink for up to a week or more - Drinking sun-up to sun-down in extreme quantities. And nothing particular or drastic seems to trigger him to start drinking again after a couple of days being dry. It just seems to be his pattern. I posted in another thread that he doesn't pace himself (so to speak) when he drinks. I know some alcoholics will drink, for example, a case of beer in an "evening", which is obviously alot and not normal. My husband won't even bother w/ drinking a case of beer. He'll just guzzle a pint or fifth of straight vodka in seconds. Yes seconds, I've actually watched him drink when he didn't know I was there. Even by himself, he feels the need to get it in his body as fast as possible.

I guess it doesn't matter whether they drink everyday or if they binge drink between brief periods of sobriety. They're still sick. Very sick.

parentrecovers

it's a baffling disease, that's for sure. blessings, k

denny57

It's been debated to death. Disease or not, the alcoholic chooses to pick up the first drink. So it's both. My choice was to get on with life.

How's it going today QT?

Grasshopper

Hi,there are as many drinking --patterens--as there are alcoholics.I know its hard to understand.I am alcoholic.I drank maybe 3-5 times in a year..binge drinker,different again from your loved one..go figure,me an alcoholic.When it was---time--nothing, no one could stop me,even me,until i learend a new way to think and live.I was obessed...This disease,is like no other.In that its a ----spiritual------,as well as,mental and phyical disease.Although i didnt drink much,my thoughts/feelings were that of the alcoholic mind.I have said no to the drink many times.And i have promised myself not to drink,only to get plastered.When taking that one drink,i could not stop.
Bottom line i was trouble evertime i drank.Drinking was only a symbol,i had a living problem.We cant say if another is alcoholic.Only they know,in their innner most self.Once they admit that they are,then there is help.But others can only guess,,

hopeangel

let me share with you the mindset of my ah in his own private words that i discovered when he went through outpatient treatment..." i refrain from drinking some days SO THAT I CAN GET A BETTER DRUNK!" for him it is ALL about getting a better high. he plans his drinking days and gets "excited" about it.
i had always thought that ah would refrain from drinking some days to be able to do things with me, out of love for me, to be able to work, or continue functioning, etc. now i realize that those days "he is just playing the game" - his OWN words also.
things are never as they seem with an A and we could never understand their thoughts or reasons. i believe most everything is done out of selfishness, to control, to manipulate, etc... very cunning "disease" it is....

Zoey

We A's think we should be able to drink like normal people, so we have one to relax, that first drink then sets up the craving and we have to have more.

I was a light wait binge drinker, If I got the 3rd drink I was going to drink all night.
Light wait as could not do for more than a night.
Had blackouts, would be at Moose Lodge or some place I didn't know existed or how I got there at 5AM. Alcoholic insanity.

I was lucky, nothing triggered a craving for a drink, but took me years to realize that the first social drink could do me in.

I feel that trying to be a normal drinker is more a male thing. It is very motacho(sp?)
I feel many females will go to the Dr. if depressed, anxious etc. but the male KNOWS a drink will fix his anxiety, uptight nerves etc. It is a wonderful drug, but after a while it turns on us and causes the anxiety, and frazzeled nerves, so they drink more.
Simple if we have the disease, just don't drink the first one. Learn other ways to relax, etc. Learn how to live, AA helps with that.
Life is nerve wracking most of the time. Lucky for the world that lots of people cannot become alcholic. So sad some do.

For answers to why they drink, what happens to the body, why they can't stop, read "Under the Influence"

BigSis

It wasn't so much how often I drank as what happened when I did drink.

I cannot drink "A" drink... "ONE" drink. Oh maybe, sometimes - but it is a LOT of work. I have even MORE trouble with "TWO" drinks, and at "THREE"... fuggetaboudit - I am in for the night. No stop button, no "off" switch....

My drinking was unpredictable - I could plan to stop for a "couple" and close the bar... even when I really did not want to.

My behavior changed. I am a girl with high morals... but not when drinking.

My personality changed. I got surly and mean.

Finishing the night meant spending my phone money on booze - too often to count.

It was progressive. Over time, my "Friday night Blast" became a "weekend blast" which morphed into Wednesday Singles Night blast which lead to Tuesday LADIES night blast..... My binges got closer and closer together.




Normies don't have to work at having only "one" drink. Normies can leave a drink unfinished. Normies don't think about and plan around their drinking. Normies don't lie about it and try to hide it.

I don't drink like you. I don't know why.... but I know it runs in my family. I know that identical twins separated at birth will MORE likely have a match in their drinking style. I know that says to me this is inherited... I don't know if there is a gene, or not, but inherited conditions are often referred to as a disease (plus the AMA says it is, and if you get a chance - you might try reading "Under the Influence" which has a lot of good info and excerpts are at the top of the alcoholism forum).

((hugs))

Good luck in your research - I know I had to go through this seeking information part to get to a place where I could accept the addicts and alcoholics in my life.

flwrchld

Grasshopper makes alot of sense to me, here. I don't think it really matters the amount of times you do drink ( or use), it is the insanity that goes along with it. What it takes away so you can have that drink or get that high. Thank you for that, it does make a lot of sense.

My husband doesn't drink every day either, but the party mode sets in and it could be one or three or more days in a row of party time for him, and he has no regrets or excuses. That (to him) is his God given right as a man, no matter what he misses out on, or messes up, or what ever. The definition of Insanity (to me) is my husband when drunk and high. He thinks on a totally different level.

hopeangel

my ah is well aware of the fact that he cannot only drink one or two beers -that is why he chooses to get a case instead of a 24 ounce

queenteree

Hopeangel - that's priceless!!!! My AH is probably well aware of that too, only he can't stop at a case, he goes for the 36 pack (really!).

HolyQow

My thoughts are that becoming an alcoholic is more the result of something else....I have narrowed it down to no coping skills or extreme low self-esteem (or both). That is only my AH of course, so I am sure there are many many scenerios of what causes this. I can remember when I was younger, 20s, and having a lot of difficulties, and I literally said, I could become an alcoholic just so I didn't have to deal with anything.....but somehow I didn't.

I was talking with a friend of ours, young kid (20s), and he was talking about how drunk he was the night before, and how much he drank, and on and on.....I asked him, if you are drunk, why drink more .... you can't possibly get MORE drunk can you? He had no reply, and I told him to stop whining about how sick he was for drinking so much....couldn't help it. I believe that's the other part of all of this, as said above, they just don't know when to stop.

chero

My AH is like that QT. The longest he went without drinking was like 25 days. But he just can't stop it completely...at least not on his own.

It's really tough because he thinks he doesn't have a problem because he can go a few days without drinking. Of course, all he does during those days without is talk about drinking. How good he is doing. How glad I should be he isn't drinking. Etc...

HolyQow

Had to go to the grocery store (which I absolutely hate doing) so I wanted to add my other thought.... if Alcoholism is a disease, then so is overeating, smoking, and self-harming. All things we know we shouldn't do, but do anyways. I also think, and still my own opinion of this, is that all of those things are a result, not an actual disease. I eat when I'm upset.....and the part about an alcoholic never leaving a drink.....I cannot leave any food on my plate....I would think that's almost the same thing. And just mentioning thinking about losing weight makes me want to eat all day long......same for when I watch The Biggest Loser....

When I think I will quit smoking as soon as my pack is empty....that's all I can think about...smoking them all and getting more. I would say it's more of a compulsion, or learned behavior, before I would say that it's a disease. The only difference is (to me) is that all of my bad behaviors don't effect anyone else and I can still drive a car without endangering anyone.

MsGolightly

queen, i think it's possible that your husband is never really "sober" while he's not drinking... like the disease has effected his brain so much that even when he's not currently drinking, the disease is still in there somewhere, always trying to push its way to the top and eventually breaking through... maybe because of a trigger or who knows what else, and that causes the binges to begin.

my ex was sober for over a year and was a truly amazing person, one i will probably love until the day i die, but i could tell during her last month sober she started to talk about drinking more. asking me why i didn't drink, asking me if i wanted to drink, she'd pour me one, etc. it crept back up again, because she started talking to people she used to drink with again, and she started hanging out with people who drank every day. during the year she wasn't drinking, she was honestly the most incredible person i'd ever known. it's when the disease creeps back up again that the monster returns! but i don't think it ever leaves their body, even when they're not drinking. it's progressive, so your husband not wanting to get help will make the binges continue... even if he manages to get sober on his own for some time.

Girlfriend

The definition of "disease" I found is this:

NOUN:

"1)A pathological condition of a part, organ, or system of an organism resulting from various causes, such as infection, genetic defect, or environmental stress, and characterized by an identifiable group of signs or symptoms.

2)A condition or tendency, as of society, regarded as abnormal and harmful.

3)Obsolete Lack of ease; trouble."


Going by the definition #2, I'd agree that it is a disease. Being a RA myself, I surely know that alcohol "diseased" me (not to make light of the subject...sorry)

There are many different types of drinkers. Some can drink every night and get up the next day without a hangover and go to work. A functioning alcoholic. There are bingers that can go months without a drink and then drink like a fish for a couple of weeks.

Two years before I quit for good, I only drank 4 times a year. On holidays. But, the result was always the same. I couldn't stop at just one drink when I did drink, plus my personality changed when drinking. The "Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde" thing.

I've had friends that have drank for more than 25 years straight and mentally, even if they've quit, they're not "all there". You can tell that there is a change in their mental alertness as compared to someone else their age that didn't drink for years. They have more health problems and even look different.

It's different for every drinker, but the definition is the same.

StandingStrong

My XAH was/is a binger.
And I too had a hard time with the word "Disease".

I have asked my XAH many times over the years how he can go on binges and tend to control his urges at other times. Being a binger tended to make it a whole lot harder for me to realize he was an alcoholic as my stereotype of an A was someone that drank a whole lot more often. However - what I discovered over the years from XAH's answers was that: He didn't always have the urges like you hear people talk about. He just wanted a beer - maybe he had a hard day, maybe he just wanted one as he liked the taste, the reasons sometimes differed. But you know - he couldn't have just one. And that was how he knew he had a problem. he'd have the intent of having just one beer and 12 beers later, he might come home.

As for the disease part of it - I'm perfectly fine with people veiwing it as a disease and i don't argue that it's not. I don't know exactly what it is or what it's not. But the thing that I came away with that makes sense to me is that it's a mental disorder. There is a mental aspect that doesn't function correctly. Whether I look at the reasons that people drink to the excuses they use for their behavior, their reasons/excuses for the lies and the hiding it, etc et ect - it all just makes more sense for me to accept it as a mental issue.
That is how I deal with it as that is how it makes sense to me.

There are many types of alcoholics. bingers are just one type.
I agree with so much of what BigSis posted. It's not how often they drink - but what happens when they do, etc.