an'ka

Hello, friends! It's been months since I checked the sight. This weekend I once again realized the paradoxical nature of the disease. Long story short, AH has been sober since November. Great job for the last three or four months, very structured schedule--two weeks on, one week at home, completely dry environment. Last week, he had an out of town job interview and was offered an excellent position. AH was completely honest during the interview about his alcoholism, treatment, and couple misdemeanors. The interviewing panel asked how he would be able to handle constant exposure to drinking (the job is in Las Vegas), to which he said "it's just geography. I have made my priorities and drinking is not one of them".

The following day he relapsed. I knew it. My gut knew it, even when I spoke to him on the phone and more so when I saw his eyes after he returned. Of course, I was "wrong" and he'd had nothing. Then, last night, I stumbled on a receipt from a liquor store and everything was sealed. This weekend was a flashback--him sleeping during the day, being awake cooking and interrupting my sleep at night. I don't think he slept last night at all and he is supposed to fly back to work for a week this afternoon. I already have visions of him falling asleep and not waking up for the flight. So, now, I am in sore need of advice. I let him live with me as long as he is sober and contributing. He relapsed. Now what?

MsGolightly

i would say if your boundaries were that he wasn't to drink, and he did, to give him a little push out the door. he violated your boundary, lied about it, and will likely continue doing it... i guess you need to decide what you want to do? (by the way, i hate that feeling when you KNOW they've been drinking and lying about it and they continue to deny it. ugghh it makes me so angry!)

Tazman53

an'ka it took me knowing I was going to get the boot to quit, if you told him you were going to boot him if he drank again and you don't he will never stop until you give him the boot.

elizabeth1979

Anka hi

Do you want him to leave?
Did you set that boundry for yourself or to attempt to control his drinking?

an'ka

Elizabeth, I am not trying to control his drinking. He is welcome to do what he wants, but he is not welcome to do it in my house. I refuse to live with an active alcoholic again.

Pick-a-name

I guess you have your answer....

Sorry this has happened; hope it is a "speed bump".

denny57

You asked "now what?"

((()))

LGLG07

an'ka isnt it something when we answer our own questions . but it raises soooo many other questions !
i was told relapsing is part of recovery .. it doesnt make it any easier to deal with . i too absolutely hate being lied to when you know they are drinking and they deny it as they fall on the floor .
if you set your boundary and dont carry it out , he will never take you seriously again .
i know how hard it is .. will be praying for you ! ((()))s

an'ka

There is so much unpredictability. How can I ever trust this man? I feel like we are already glorified roommates--we hardly ever see each other, all our bills are separate and he is not contributing to even child care. I do 99% of parenting on my own and am the only stable influence in my daughter's life (aside from her nanny). If we ever make a large joint purchase, I'll have to make sure I can handle it on my own in case he relapses--what kind of life is that????

LGLG07

thats the life that we have all lived , or are still living .. glad that you came back !

an'ka

Yep, I guess I am looking for easy answers, but is that so wrong? I want to have a normal life. I am damn tired to being a strong woman.

LGLG07

i can relate only too well ... i feel that way often ... i didnt sign up for this kind of life .. my ah (we are seperated, he is sober now) called this mrng and i told him it was hard to find a sitter on mon nghts when i work and he said to me 'well this is what you wanted' ... oh im so sorry but you couldnt be more wrong there .. i never wanted this .. much like a young child doesnt aspire to be an alcoholic when they grow up , i have never once sat around with my little friends and talked about our wedding days and how great it will be to be verbally abused and lied to and manipulated by a man who we once considered our dream ! how we couldnt wait to make all the major decisions on our own , do all the finances and all the worrying when the bills werent being paid , and take care of a gaggle of kids all by ourselves !
Nope I cant say I ever remember that ... he quickly apologized .

Keep positive thoughts! (())s and prayers for you !