gritgirl

My sister died 4 weeks ago because of her addiction. I am heartbroken. My mom died 2 years ago due to the after effects of her addiction (she had 3 years sober when she died). And my sister almost died due to her addiction about a year and a half ago. We all thought she would realize her addiction was going to kill her and get help, but she didn't. She made up lies about why she ended up on a respirator for a month and just went right back to using.

I wrote her a few letters telling her how much I loved her and was afraid of losing her and talked to her husband about doing an intervention (he wouldn't do it). And then what I feared most happened. She died.

Right now I am angry, sad, and hurt. Angry that her husband wouldn't do the intervention and that my sister chose her addiction over living. Sad that she is gone. Hurt that she chose her addiction over life.

Sometimes I feel so mad and hurt I feel like screaming. My mom and my sister were the people I felt closest to in life.

Luckily I go to AA meetings so I talk about this and folks remind me that the addict almost always chooses the addiction. But still, that's a hard pill to swallow.

I start a grief support group tonight but it helps to hear from other folks dealing with addiction.

nodaybut2day

I'm so sorry for your losses.

Mambo Queen

I'm very sorry for both of your losses. And congratulations to you on your own sobriety.

newby1961

Sorry for your loss

I lost my ex to the disease and countless friends and it sucks each time.

The good new is you have support and don't be afraid to use them in your f2f meetings and here on SR

Your in the stages of grief and all you can do is feel the feelings and whatever you do DON'T USE

gritgirl

thank you everyone. i'm starting to accept that no matter what i might have said or what i might have done, there was nothing i could do to save her. that just sucks.

transformyself

I love that you wrote her letters. Who knows what it did for her, other than the obvious: ensured she knew you love her. That's what we're here to do, love unconditionally--while making good boundaries (I might add).

RollTide

I'm very sorry to hear about your sister.

I want to hug you and at the same time give you a pat on the back for maintaining your own sobriety. You could not change the course of your sister's life but you have made huge strides to control what you can and that is yourself.

NTurn

I am so sorry for your loss, I have a twin sister who is an alcoholic & I get tremendous support here..you will too in your own recovery. There are a lot of good people here who offer sound advice. Take care

Verbena

You are right. It sucks and it hurts like hell. I honestly don't know what else to say.

Alcohol---the lethal drug that's legal. It's so sad.

gritgirl

you know, people kill themselves with all kinds of addictions. food, alcohol, drugs, etc.

my family is filled with addictions of all kinds that have been killing us for generations.

to paraphrase a saying, it's not the substance that kills people, it's addiction that kills people.

and it's the addiction i hate.

Spiritual Seeker

So sorry your sister is gone now along with your mother.
Letting go takes a long long time...grief takes a lifetime.
I lost my only son to OD 9 mos ago. I did do an intervention, he did go to treatment for 18 mos. He was clean 2 yrs. and still, addiction took him.

It takes time to let go of the anger or guilt. I did all I could, my son went to treatment 3 times and gave a good fight to beat his disease. I loved him unconditionally with compassion his whole life and that was no defense.
It will take me a long time to remember our loved ones with a smile rather than tears.

gritgirl

spiritual seeker, i'm so, so sorry to hear about your son. you did everything you could. my sister had the advantage of seeing her mother recover from addiction (even if the after effects took her in the end). melissa, my sister, knew there was help still turned it down.

i'm learning the hard way that addiction is very, very strong. it's virulent and it kills.

my prayers are with you.

Panther

Gritgirl,

I am in much the same situation as you were in. I have been trying to plan an intervention for my friend, but the family is uncooperative.

You have to know that you did your part - that is all that can be expected of us. We all have a circle of influence but we cannot control anything beyond that.

If you want you can private message me. I send you my prayers.

Panther

gritgirl

panther: i don't know what to tell you. i asked her husband to do the intervention because frankly he lived with her and was the most important person to her and her biggest enabler. two of her sons and i either talked to her or wrote to her telling her we loved her and were afraid of losing her.

you're right. we really couldn't do anything else. as the recovering alcoholics in my meeting keep saying, the addict has to want the help.

theuncertainty

I'm so sorry for your losses, gritgirl. Wishing you continued strength and peace.

TakingCharge999

((Hugs)) I am very sorry for your losses. I got no words to say
I am proud of your recovery. I have you in my thoughts... please take care of yourself.
A book that has helped me is "the Grief club" by Melody Beatty. It has useful exercises and it was the compassionate voice I needed, when I was experiencing a huge loss. Hope you can get a copy.