Tuffgirl

I would be very uncomfortable being at an AA meeting with my husband and with him an an Al-Anon meeting with me. It's too early...I don't want to meet his support system just yet (not even his sponsor, nor have him meet mine). And we have plenty of time for that later. I am perplexed as to why the original poster's Al-Anon sponsor made such a suggestion?

LexieCat

This is a VERY old thread, from 2007. It got bumped up because TampaMetal replied to it.

Welcome, Tampa. You might want to start a new thread and introduce yourself.

Cyranoak

Please respect his wishes. This is recovery. If he doesn't want to do it that's a boundary you must respect. If you don't respect it you are, in my opinion, crossing the line into controlling.

Also, I find it bizarre a sponsor would advise such a thing.

My two cents.

Cyranoak

LifesALongSong

Went to my first AA meeting for the AW. She'd had had a recent relapse and I decided to attend her meeting for the first time. It was a open meeting. I just sat and listen because it was the aa's meeting. My wife spoke and introduced me and said she was sorry to me for her recent relapse. I did'nt respond either way or accepted and just listened. Two other A's responded to her and said that she should'nt have been sorry and that relapses happen. I thought that those comments were'nt that positive. But I understand its there meeting. So when I left I also left those comments. So you may hear something you won't like.

Hopeworks

My RAH and I attend a meeting together weekly... it is a Big Book Meeting with a lot of wisdom and good long term sobriety in the room.

We no longer attend open discussion meetings where so often there is way too much focus on the problems rather than the solutions ... my husband does attend some open meetings for the express purpose of being there to be available to a newcomer.

Going together to a meeting can be very beneficial if it is the RIGHT meeting... good speaker meetings and Big Book meetings are often good choices.

Another great option is to listen to speakers online together... we often do that on trips on our IPhone in the car.

DestinyM

Thanks for posting this question. I was wondering about it this past week when I reconnected with my AH. I was already debating going to an AA meeting as part of my recovery but decided its too early in my recovery to do that. I could just see me in there wanting to choke the crap outta somebody for their share. I also noticed I can't stand the smell of alcohol. I encounter it often taking public transportation to and from work. It seems to trigger an unpleasant emotion in me. In regards to my AH, I decided against it since I realized it was just me tying to control his disease, pushing him into recovery when he seemed quite content on living an insane life. I just need to keep the focus on me and my recovery.

blwninthewind

I've gone to the birthday celebrations and speaker meetings w/ my RAH.
He asked me to go ...so I did.
I don't anymore. I just don't have the time.
There is a couples meeting here in town that we have also attended once. He actually put it on our 'schedule' as an option to our 'date night'. I don't have a problem attending. It is a aa/alnon mix type. The focus is really on the couple and family's recovery rather than the normal "it's all about me and MY sobriety" that the AA meetings seem to be about.
I've met my RAH sponser, and many of the AA's at the meetings tend to run in the same circles as far as friendships so I'm pretty okay w/ all of it. They are nice normal people.

I wouldn't go if it wasn't asked of me. My thinking is just that going to a mtg that I was not specifically asked to, or that doesn't pertain to me as an Alnon is really just being the codie I am...trying to really control parts of his recovery and one of the first lessons I learned in Alnon was we don't control it, we didn't cause it and we can't cure it.

No matter what I do....the 3 C's apply. I need to mind my OWN recovery and not obsess about his.

Not judging...just saying for ME that is what it is about.