Friday Night Confusion.!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Seattle, wa
Posts: 118
Friday Night Confusion.!!!!
I am trying, I am slowly moving forward. But I need to know what is realty. How can he (exAbf) be so threw with me, and moved on yet I still struggle weeks later missing him, or missing the habit of him.
My fault is that I loved too much, too long, too far, etc. I gave too much took too much and in the end he can freely walk away and go on with his life and I sit here struggling! Why cant I just hate him for everything he did to me??? To us???? And yet I cant find it in me so I cry.............and I hurt alone.......
My fault is that I loved too much, too long, too far, etc. I gave too much took too much and in the end he can freely walk away and go on with his life and I sit here struggling! Why cant I just hate him for everything he did to me??? To us???? And yet I cant find it in me so I cry.............and I hurt alone.......
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I can tell you are really hurting. Having someone you loved so much walk away is a painful experience. It sounds as if you gave a great deal, perhaps even more than you should have, to this relationship. It is natural that you would want some type of closure.
If you want to know what reality is, you're not going to get that from the alcoholic who moved on. An active alcoholic has one devotion and protects it at the cost of other people's feelings, and that is the booze. When someone numbs their feelings up with a substance they aren't dealing with reality, with life, with relationships, with people, or most importantly, with their own pain.
If you hated him for what he did (or failed to do) during your relationship, you would still be tied to him. Hatred destroys the person who hates, not the target of that hate. You mentioned you are alone. Do you have some close friends or relatives you can talk to when you're ready? Sometimes, as much as we dislike it, we have to be alone with our pain and lick our wounds. After a period of healing, we start to make contact with those close to us.
If you haven't attended Al-Anon yet, I would suggest you start attending meetings. There are lots of good people there who understand what you're going through and can give you support. Please be good to yourself. Right now it sounds as if you are emotionally exhausted from having had an alcohlic wreck havoc in your life. Get support and start healing yourself.
If you want to know what reality is, you're not going to get that from the alcoholic who moved on. An active alcoholic has one devotion and protects it at the cost of other people's feelings, and that is the booze. When someone numbs their feelings up with a substance they aren't dealing with reality, with life, with relationships, with people, or most importantly, with their own pain.
If you hated him for what he did (or failed to do) during your relationship, you would still be tied to him. Hatred destroys the person who hates, not the target of that hate. You mentioned you are alone. Do you have some close friends or relatives you can talk to when you're ready? Sometimes, as much as we dislike it, we have to be alone with our pain and lick our wounds. After a period of healing, we start to make contact with those close to us.
If you haven't attended Al-Anon yet, I would suggest you start attending meetings. There are lots of good people there who understand what you're going through and can give you support. Please be good to yourself. Right now it sounds as if you are emotionally exhausted from having had an alcohlic wreck havoc in your life. Get support and start healing yourself.
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
It meant something to you. You invested yourself into it. It is a loss. I think you are realizing just how time consuming he was because now with him gone, there is a void. He is still filling up his life with all the same crap that he fills every day with. To have a life of substance, it requires depth. Depth can't come unless the seed takes and roots.
Why did this fail? You loved him. He loved him. Everybody still loves him.
When real love comes to you, you will be glad you endured this part.
There is a man out there who will call you first , not last. He will rush to get home to you. This may hurt but you have no future with this guy. Don't confuse the intensity of the loss to the intensity of the love.
Why did this fail? You loved him. He loved him. Everybody still loves him.
When real love comes to you, you will be glad you endured this part.
There is a man out there who will call you first , not last. He will rush to get home to you. This may hurt but you have no future with this guy. Don't confuse the intensity of the loss to the intensity of the love.
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