Grace

Thank you pick-a-name!
I actually started a new thread with my last reply. I have always had this problem with my family members and it tears me up emotionally. I just don't know how to react or not react to it any more.
It seems like they just want to hurt me. And it does truly hurt.
Thanks again!

ICU

I'm learning that I need to be loyal to myself. When I keep that first and foremost in my mind, I learn that I can depend on me.....I'm all I've got, so I had better treat me right!

I think that alcohol is thicker than blood, or is it that alcohol thins the blood. Sorry, I'm getting a little deep here. I'll skip this part for now, LOL!

I too would be hurt if I were in your situation. I don't think you're over-reacting at all. But, you can begin to detach from their hurtful words. Remember, it's really just a reflection of who 'they' are inside....ugliness at it's worst!! They're not going to change any time soon, but, you can!

You just have to decide if you would rather use your energy to fight their insanity on a day to-day-basis, of if you would rather put your energy to better use by making an exit plan from there into a new place of your very own!

Think about it...;-)

Pick-a-name

I know it does feel that way and that's what hurts me the most when this happens (I've dealt with this with some of my inlaws lately...esp. one SIL). They truly do not know any better. They are caught up in protecting their own addiction (also grew up in alcoholic homes that no one admits had an alcoholic;still drinking or dead--only "skid row types qualify for them). I guess since our kids and I have rocked the boat,it must feel threatening to them or something. I had to smile that my son actually once did hear exAH say to this SIL that I don't have a problem with drinking unless it causes a problem. (true and surprising he admitted knowing that) Still, it hurts feeling rejected and mocked and left out for doing the right thing for your family and self by people you thought loved you. Also,that they are encouraging the same behavior that is destroying your family.

This made me remember something my FIL (active alcoholic and Rx abuser "with good reasons") said to me when I expressed concern about his son's drinking and behavior and that his doctor had suggested he needed an to stop and go to AA. (This man is a retired MD) His answer to me was that he thought I was the problem because of weird stuff like allowing the kids to have a dog (we had always had one the previous 20 yrs! ha),blah,blah but also because I was making a fuss. He said his grandmother or one of them put his GF into bed every night, his mother drank with his dad every night without fussing and dragged him upstairs to bed every night, his SIL did it for his brother. It was like it was my "duty" and I was not holding up my part in our marriage to say no to doing that. WOW! I learned then and there to save my energy . (One time years later a circumstance presented itself and I gave him my copy of "Under the Influecnce" and I do believe he read it. His actions toward me and our kids have been very inclusive even though AH has divorced me over this issue....that is a whole other story! ha)

When they say it is a family disease,I think it is true in many ways and this is just one of them. Addicts will always think alike and see the situation from the point of view that keeps their own using safe. JMHO

Big hugs to you.

Cecilia

Grace

People like that are bullies. They dont hit you. But they beat you up with words. Small people like to make themselves feel bigger by pointing out other peoples flaws. I think people like that have some kind of radar that lets them know who will feel the most pain.

I dont know if this will help you but it works for me.. Its taken me a while to get here and Im still travelin.. Heres some tidbits Ive picked up along the way. Take what you want and leave the rest. <smilie> .

If you cant play nice then Im not playing. I can find a new playmate. Or not. Theres nothing wrong with my own company.

I may not be perfect but I like me just as I am. I dont need you to tell me whats wrong with me. If you dont like me then why are you wastin your time . You need to go find somebody else who does meet your requirements.

I decide whether Im happy or sad. You dont get to decide..

I agree with the others. Youre giving these people way too much power over your happiness. And they probably arent going to change. But you can change how you react to them. I know where your comming from I have inlaws like that I call them The Outlaws. The last time I saw them the visit lasted 20 min. The time before that it was 15 min. I dont argue or try to defend myself. "You cant teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig." When Ive had enuf I very cheerfully announce I think its time for me to go now and I leave. Lifes too short. If they cant play nice then Im not playing.

Sunflower

thanks for that one--I love it!I like most have some really hostile relatives. I am so sorry they are hurting you like this. In my mind and ex is off limits for the rest of the family once you break it off. For me--one of the biggest heart aches I had when I was younger was learning that not all family is loyal. It hurts.

This whole situation is doing a number on you. I can see why. Maybe Grace is right--it is time to find your own place so you don't have to be a part of this.
For me I avoid the ones who rip me up and when I am forsed to be in the same room as them-I zip my lip-pretend they are invisible-and leave as soon as it is polite to do so. Praying you can find a solution to all this--for YOU...