Rule of Threes
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Rule of Threes
Oh how I wish I had read this 6 years ago.....
By Martha Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door.
When considering a new relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibilities he or she has.
Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy. One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But three lies says you're dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior. Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and less costly.
Do not give your money, your work, your secrets, or your affection to a three-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted.
Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy. One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But three lies says you're dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior. Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and less costly.
Do not give your money, your work, your secrets, or your affection to a three-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
Nope! I use to follow the rule of the 'bottom-less pit' of chances, but I was the only one falling in the dark pit. Now that I've climbed out, I can see that perhaps I'm going a little over-board on my corrective stance! I'm sure it will level out in time.
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Join Date: May 2004
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I'm actually like you, ICU, in that I tend more towards the "1" than the "3". I don't mind that, though, because it's better than the infinite "second chances" I used to give everyone back in the day.
I am more likely to call people on their behaviour these days and if they repeat the action once more, I am able to still have them as an aquaintance, though it is unlikely that I will view them as a friend and be able to trust them accordingly. (I have much clearer definitions of the types of people in my life nowadays, just like I am much more able to name the nuances of my feelings.)
I am more likely to call people on their behaviour these days and if they repeat the action once more, I am able to still have them as an aquaintance, though it is unlikely that I will view them as a friend and be able to trust them accordingly. (I have much clearer definitions of the types of people in my life nowadays, just like I am much more able to name the nuances of my feelings.)
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
i like the rule of 1, also. previously, i had the rule of 3 thousand....just kept puttin my hand on the hot stove, then crying cause it hurt so badly.
i used to give away my trust before it was earned....not any more.
thanks for sharing this minnie....i read this on another forum yesterday....thanks again....it was a real eye opener.
i used to give away my trust before it was earned....not any more.
thanks for sharing this minnie....i read this on another forum yesterday....thanks again....it was a real eye opener.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I made several posts about that book a year or so ago. It contained many other useful gems, which I shared at the time. I initially picked up and browsed through the book because the title made me think of a former neighbor of mine--I thought she may have exhibited some sociopathic tendencies--but I bought it because I realized that many of the behavior patterns described in the book were similar those I noticed in Richard when he was in the throws of alcoholism. And I decided it was a "keeper" in my permanent library because it contained many other useful tidbits such as Ms. Stout's "Rule of Three."
Perhaps I'll search back on my old posts and pull up another gem or two to add to this tread, if you don't mind, Minne.
Perhaps I'll search back on my old posts and pull up another gem or two to add to this tread, if you don't mind, Minne.
Royalty
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
What if I've already let 3- then 4- then 5- go by.....when can I say I am resetting the counter and you have three chances? Not sure that's going to work, if I have already allowed too many times. If I had known all of this sooner, it may have worked....but now, I am very doubtful.
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