aztchr

So it's almost the end of the school year (May 25 last day) and I'm getting a little anxious. Not so much to be done, but mentally trying to accept more things I can't change. At the beginning of the year, I was off to a fresh start and wanted to meet more people, be involved, etc. Well I was getting to know a co-worker in a different grade level and had a crush on him. So we went out in groups and I enjoyed his company. I had asked about going out alone, but he wasn't interested in that way, so the year has progressed, and nothing has changed, except I still really like him. Sigh... At least I know where things stand and I just have to accept them. Better to be friends/co-workers than nothing. So once again, I have to stop my mind from projecting so much. I have forgotten what it feels like at the beginning when you like someone again. Even if it's not returned, it makes me feel good knowing I can have feelings again.

Anyway, there is a possibility I could switch grade levels next year and be on this teacher's team. If that happens, I didn't want there to be a conflict or awkwardness, so I asked him if he'd have a problem working with me. He said not if there wasn't a conflict for me. So I'll just have to wait and see what happens. Some teachers might be leaving and that could open up a spot for me. I'm ready to move up a grade level and teach different science subjects. My HP knows what's best, though. If it's meant to be, it will when the time is right.

Much of my anxiety lately has been surpressed because I've been staying busy.
Tonight, however, I got home early and needed some rest. Of course, then come all of the things swirling around in my head. All of the uncertainties challenge my need to control. I also had to set some family boundaries. I was more worried about their reactions, but they were understanding that I have to take care of ME a little bit more.

I'm happy, however, and even a little giddy these past few days. Sometimes I just want to fast forward some of the slow times and continue getting to the good parts. I feel like my life is sometimes like a suspense novel.

Thanks for reading my ramblings if you made it this far.

LGLG07

I actually think you sound great .. when you are aware that you are trying to control and situation and also know that you can't , you are winning half the battle . Having faith in your HP is another great sign . Hang in there , good things are yet to come !
((HUGS))

TexasGirl

Like a suspense novel......that's cute! And I can relate.

It is fun to have those heart-pounding feelings again isn't it?

aztchr

Yes! So much better than the pounding from frustration or walking on egg shells.
Now I just kind of float along. The real me is back and having fun!

For those struggling, please know you have inner strength even if you don't feel it!
It's always there.

Sunflower

Good for you!!!! I remember after my divorce liking someone and it didn't work out--I too was just happy to know I could still have those feelings..This co/worker has made himself clear--don't change anything to get closer to him now-look elsewhere...somebody out there is just waiting for you!!!

newenglandgirl

Hey there Aztchr, so good to hear about how you're doing!
Yes, you do sound good.
I totally know what you mean about staying busy...and then when you get the chance to be still, well, the thoughts come rushing in. One thing I've learned in this crazy life, is how badly feelings want to be felt and recognized. One therapist told me that sometimes feelings are like splinters...not that big a deal if you pay attention to them, but if you ignore them - watch out!
I love what you say about the slow parts of life...wanting to fast forward to the good parts. That's awesome. So true!

Was it John Lennon who said "life is what happens when you're busy making plans"?

Anyways....hugs to you,
neg

denny57

(((aztchr)))

If you can make the move and be true to yourself, go for it!

embraced2000

(((((((aztchr)))))))

like prodigal says.....long time comin'.....it's so great to hear you sounding so good.