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Need A Friend - Feeling Useless

Old 05-01-2007, 06:15 AM
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Need A Friend - Feeling Useless

I suppose I am feeling sorry for myself tonight. After years of trying to be there for her and trying to understand all of this craziness I think I am loosing it myself. I dont know maybe its all getting too hard. One minute I think I am on top of it and the next Im not.
Need to admit something. I am actually drinking more myself. Usually I only have a quiet drink 2 at the most on the weekends but I seem to be doing it every night lately and tonight Its bothing me. I dont want to get use to this. Its crazy, why am I drowning my sorrows. Grow Up I guess I dont know. Ridiculous!!
I ll have to concentrate more on me. What a laugh - I am now answering my own questions. How many times have I said that to someone...
I got a promotion at work, my adult kids driving me nuts and on top of that my as kids ring me every day with their probs. I guess they need someone to talk to and I dont want to be rude. I feel a little, well, fed up.
Will this pass.!
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Old 05-01-2007, 06:50 AM
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Jo, you've got tons of friends right here and I hope you realise that.

And yes, I think you have answered your own questions. I have a sneaky feeling that growth is something that's inate in us, which is one reason why we go a bit nuts when we are not following that path.

Boundaries will help, as will pointing the kids in the direction of organisations like al-ateen or local services that might help. Lighten your load a bit - you can't save everyone, especially if you are not "sharpening your own saw".

It will pass as long as you put some strategies in place to get some breathing space for yourself.

Good luck!
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Old 05-01-2007, 07:37 AM
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thinking about you, justjo. recovery is difficult somedays. don't lose hope, k
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Old 05-01-2007, 08:24 AM
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Boy, you'd laugh if you could have seen me try to drink. I tried it. I'd try to drink along side my husband and I'd either be hammered, on a crying jag, a raging witch, or I'd fall asleep and feel like total crap for a week.
In my early twenties, we drank like the fools we were and bounce out of bed to got to work. At 51, nothing bounced anymore.
I've decided that it feels good to feel good. I purposely went to work perdiem so they can call me at any time. I can say yes or no to work but it keeps me on the straight and narrow.
I did realize what a tolerance my husband has built up. He cna drink all day and never really appears drunk.
I never really found "my" drink either. I like kahula and milk but I may as well jsut strap bricks to my hips if I drink them. I liked Vodlka and cranberry but after one, I fall down.
I knew that's when I just had to let it all go, all of it. I see how much of my husbands life is wasted and that's alot of time out a life.
When I drink too much or devote too much time on his drinking, I don't have room or time for anyone else. They all seem like a pain in the butt.
I think if you make a point of seeeing the sunrise and seeing the sun set, it helps you to be grounded and less effected.
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Old 05-01-2007, 08:33 AM
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I went through a phase, too, where I found myself drinking more.

(((justjo))) - have you tried anything like Al-Anon or some sort of support group? Sounds to me like it really is time for some justjo time only. When I was willing to take care of everything for everyone, well, everyone came to me to take care of things. It actually makes sense now that I look back on it.

It was taking the first steps that had me frozen for quite a time. It was overwhelming, with everything else I believed I had to take on, and I couldn't imagine anything new someone could show me that would get me out of my rut. I truly believed my life was on its preordained path.

Keep posting - you have tons of support here.

Last edited by denny57; 05-01-2007 at 08:55 AM.
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Old 05-01-2007, 08:46 AM
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Yes, it will pass, but it'll take some effort on your part to keep the focus on helping and taking care of yourself.

You've got plenty of friends and support here, but try to have an open mind about attending Al-Anon and open AA meetings. The love and support that's available from others in recovery is an awesome feeling.

As for your drinking, take it from this alcoholic that it's a temporary solution to real issues. Sorta like throwing all your problems in the backseat, then you slam on the brakes and they hit you in the back of the head. Drowning your sorrows isn't ridiculous, but facing them without the alcohol is a much better solution.
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Old 05-01-2007, 03:54 PM
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JUSTO? you feel worthless???? Do you know how many times you have helped me through your posts here???? Many many many times!!! Sounds like you are on overload--time to take some time for yourself for a change!
I see nothing wrong with someone who is not an alcoholic having a drink....After I left my EXAH--oh boy did I drink--wine-wiskey-drinks that were on fire lol--I did drown myself completely( I was 22)big time binge week end drinker.
But I am not an alcoholic so I didnt have a problem just one day stopping completely..Now if I have a sip of wine I almost pass out!
You need some R&R soon....
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Old 05-01-2007, 04:15 PM
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thoughts and prayers and friendship to you - don't beat yourself up about having a couple of cocktails...unless you are an alcoholic, there is nothing wrong with it....
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Old 05-01-2007, 04:56 PM
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Thanks. I am definitely not an alcoholic for sure. I am big sister and all my life I have been there for all. Too long a story.... It seems everyone leans on me and I dont mind that at all. I care for my family dearly. I guess sometimes its nice to lean on someone else. I have found that very hard all my life because I am the one that doesnt need to do that apparently. (so they tell me) Thanks for letting me do that.. I love it here..so many good people.

I know it will pass, Im just so tired of it and silly me feels guilty if I dont want to respond to them sometimes. Most times I am confident, everyone tells me their probs, they have no idea whats up with me.

Its my birthday next week so I am going to have that day to myself for sure.
I will have a cup of tea tonight....
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Old 05-01-2007, 04:58 PM
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Originally Posted by justjo View Post
Its my birthday next week so I am going to have that day to myself for sure.
I will have a cup of tea tonight....
If you like cookies, have one of those, too :-)

Happy early birthday.
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Old 05-04-2007, 04:32 AM
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I have been better and thinking clearly, positively. I have my neice staying with me and I love it. Girl things and fun, hugs. She is nearly 18. I have been drinking lots of tea and coffee. And yummy chocolate. What a life saver. haha
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