sthrnraizd

So my exAbf mom flew in this weekend to help him. exAbf called today and said his mom wanted to meet. I very reluctantly accepted. WOW! she walks up and puts out her hand, not even a hug...etc
She got right to it, she said that I need to give back the money he gave me to help me financially. She began to sit there and tell me how i manipulate everyone around me to get what I wanted??? I quickly replied what a thing to say after only meeting me 1 time! She attcked my character while he sat there not saying a word! And she kept calling me his friend, and you dont give your friends the money he gave me.
She never said anything about all the crap he put us and me through, she never thanked me for staying by him and trying to get him into treatment....she only had words to cast against my character while he st there saying NOTHING. She said well he is an A and doesnt think clear and shouldnt have given you that money. I replied he is a very functioning A and damn he is a Boeing engineer, dont you think if he has been as messed up as she claims they might have noticed at work?
I was getting very angry and said enough and walked out. She screamed from 20 feet behind me "you'll hear from our attorney"! If I had agreed to give back the money would she still have said all thos nasty means things about me?
I could careless at this point what happens to him. He hasnt even asked for this money just his mommy! She can take him back home and give him a tit for all I care!!!!

miss communicat

How awful.

You sound like you are getting a verry clear picture of the family sickness and I'm so glad you are not being sucked down into it by this group of peoplle. Keep your distance from them, and feel great about your own recovery, which includes moving on from this.

wow....

dollydo

How old is he anyway, 3? Mommy has to come to change his diapers...no wonder he is so screwed up.

Forget it, not worth another minute of your time. Be glad you are not with him anymore.

Isn't recovery grand? Keep moving forward, leave them in your dust.

ICU

Yeah, I think his Mommy is a HUGE issue in many more ways than 1.

You may want to give some thought to cutting off all forms of communication (change phone number, change phone number, change phone number!!)!!. Where he leaves off, his Mommy will pick up and will run with it...at your expense.

Someday, you will look back on this moment and say "whew!!! Thank God I'm out of there"!!! She could have been your Mother-In-Law...from Hell!!!

Pick-a-name

Well..........if it wasn't "about you" (who she has nothing invested in emotionally) then it would come back to being her son's own poor thinking getting him into his pickles....you do the math! Also; where do you think she got her "information"...the manipulations of an addict.

Sorry you had to listen to this (BTDT) but the truth has a way of revealing itself in the long run...... Also;chances are this is not the only A this woman has dealt with/is dealing with....heck,she may be one herself or at least been on a ride or two on the not-so-merry-go-round. Of course she has....this is her son and he has probably been an A for many years and she has probably cleaned up many of his messes in the past. You wouldn't do it,so he is trying to get her to do it.

The least said to her,the better.

*hugs to you* As you know, this isn't about you,nor is it rational ....no use talking about it with them further. They will hear what they want to hear and no more.

Rella927

Awful Awful-be thankful you are working on removing yourself totally! My XAB is in jail now for the 4th time in a year! Brother in law (State trooper) bailed him out the first time-the last two times "MOMMY" and now...who knows maybe the A-Sister will fly in from Florida! Amazing how when we remove ourself from the chaos we can see the underlying problems which enables the A to still drink-because it is so similiar to the reason we are so co-dependent=some family member-(most of the time) and we move forward to recovery while Mommy rescues them-

I have learned to accept that my mother did the best she could with the hand that she was dealt-and although she did not do so well with us as children she did the best she could-and I have a great realtionship with her and learned how to react to her and NOT REACT!

Relax and just be grateful you jumped off the ride! She will as most mothers continue to get him out of jams until and if he decides to grasp onto his own life and behavior and change it! Not your problem, you are your problem! SMILE =)

Many hugs!

sthrnraizd

Well it sounds as if she talked him into selling his house and quitting his job to go back home with her. It's like he just gave up all control of himself when she arrived and whatever mommy said was going to be truth? he is 35 yrs? So let him go back home, let the family enable him. And when they are gone? who will hold his hands then? I was amazed at how much he has changed from "loving me" to letting his mom scream out that they are going to sue me over a financial gift he gave me? And, one that he has yet to ask for back...seems his mommy wants it more than he does...is that because he knows after all he did it is some kind of penance?

Cynay

I doubt he thinks of it as a penance... In fact I rather doubt he is thinking at all.

I feel for you sweetie, it is a really scarry/sad thing to watch a Co-dependent in the throws of their disease.... but that is our disease, so maybe look at it this way.

Had this relationship not ended, that could have been you down the road... with the influence of her and your ex's drinking does not sound like you had much of a chance.

sthrnraizd

I had no chance in hell! she would have called all the shots from MN Im sure. I am still just amazed how he would let her say those things to me, or how he could even let her get him to believe them?
Can he really believe that he cannot make any sensible descions on his own? My god he is an active Boeing engineer! If he was as messed up as she wants him and I to beleive shouldnt someone have noticed? Or is it just when he is drinking that he has no rational? Well he has been sober quite a bit and his thinking hasnt changed. When sober he misses me and regrets things.
Only when she came along did he give up all control and let mommy take charge!! It is soo maddening! And to threaten an attorny on me??? I want to just get him alone for a few minutes.....he'd get some council.....

Tazman53

I will be honest and say it sounds more to me like she is on the active side of my fence. Did you smell any booze on her breath?

parentrecovers

well, it doesn't sound like mom is going to be much help to him at all. or you. i guess an attorney involved might be the best thing - at least then she won't/can't contact you directly? meanwhile, i'd stay far far away..

blessings, k

cagefree

I'm so sorry you're going through this. There were times I felt like I was putting on armor and being the knight for my XABF when I was wishing he could wear the heavy armor for awhile and battle for me for once.

This really has nothing to do with you - they are sick, you are getting better. You deserve someone who will stand up for you and who can make his own choices and take his own action based on that, instead of going to everyone else around him before letting them take action for him. Besides, if things go sour and he regrets it, he can always blame it on his mom instead of himself.

The money was his choice - good or bad...his choice. Unless he was intoxicated when he wrote the check, and you deposited it before he sobered up the next day, I don't really see what they can do (granted I'm no lawyer).

Just calling it like I see it.

Hugs to you

socalgal

Yuck! She sounds sicker than him. I agree, keep away. You got a glimpse of what your future would be if you stayed with him. Better to see this before whe ever became your mother-in-law.

Why bother even talking to him about. I would just go about my business and not give them the satisfaction of engaging. (JMHO)

-K

crayzee

My thought on reading the first post was that 1) She is a very sick lady 2) She may be projecting her frustration and hurt about his addiction onto you, because you are an easy target.
I know I have found myself being angry at my A husband, and then redirecting that anger at the first person who comes along and annoys me, because it was not safe to direct it at him, or I was in such denial that I was angry at him at all.

fluffyflea

The old Mumma syndrome.............Be glad you are out of that one. She'll keep him drinking for sure.


Earthworm

laurie6781

Send her an itemized bill for all the 'baby sitting' and 'care giving' you had to for "her baby". Make sure it equals the amount he helped you out with. Show that amount as tendered and Bill is Paid in Full.

KEEP A COPY FOR YOUR RECORDS.

Then go on about the business of taking care of YOU!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

Sunflower

OUCH GUYS!!!! I helped my AS and I don't drink or run his life.A mother fights differently than a wife/girlfriend many people in AA told me--throw him out the door-live your own life etc..I did once and the end result was something I still can't even talk about--never ever would I follow that advise again.

Maybe he has told her things about you that are unpleasant or untrue--and she blames you--I have done that myself--blamed other people.Not anymore. Maybe once she is with him for a while she will see his situation more clearly.I hope so.

She shouldn't have dumped all that on you-she didn't have to be mean--which leads me to believe he has been telling her tall tales about you situation. And she believes him like I used to. She sounds very agressive and I can tell you from the sounds of it--you will be hearing from her lawyer so get ready--maybe just give him the money back to avoid all the chaos. You have a wounded mother probably blaming herself and she will take it out on you unfortunately.

Who knows even at 35 yrs old his family can help him?That would be a good thing right? You had to know his mother wouldnt leave him roaming the streets no matter what.

Chalk it up as she just doesn't understand yet-she will learn.

He works on airplanes???GEE now I feel safe!!!!

Well you can relax now at least--he is no longer your problem or involved in your life.....now you can move forward...............