Am I ignoring the Elephant?
Southern through and through
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Am I ignoring the Elephant?
Ya'll tell me this....
The daughter hit the road, saying "I'll show ya'll I can do it." Had been working her program so well, but then.......BAM!
Then she comes saying, "I'm your daughter, for goodness sakes. Can't you just give me money for a deposit on an apartment?"
I suspect she is back in her old ways. Her behavior screams it. It's like I have a Dr. Jekyl/Mr Hyde on my hands. I know Al Anon teaches me to 'give love and encouragement to the alcoholic' and I want to do that and I am doing it. But sometimes I just want to say, "I know what you are doing. If you think you're fooling me, you've got another thing coming."
Anyone have any advice on ways to handle this. If I don't let her know I'm on to her, then I feel like she is just getting away with her manipulative ways. I just get so aggravated when I sit here and think that when she and I talk I just pretend like I think she is still working her program and she pretends like she's doing it. We both know that ain't so.......arrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh!
The daughter hit the road, saying "I'll show ya'll I can do it." Had been working her program so well, but then.......BAM!
Then she comes saying, "I'm your daughter, for goodness sakes. Can't you just give me money for a deposit on an apartment?"
I suspect she is back in her old ways. Her behavior screams it. It's like I have a Dr. Jekyl/Mr Hyde on my hands. I know Al Anon teaches me to 'give love and encouragement to the alcoholic' and I want to do that and I am doing it. But sometimes I just want to say, "I know what you are doing. If you think you're fooling me, you've got another thing coming."
Anyone have any advice on ways to handle this. If I don't let her know I'm on to her, then I feel like she is just getting away with her manipulative ways. I just get so aggravated when I sit here and think that when she and I talk I just pretend like I think she is still working her program and she pretends like she's doing it. We both know that ain't so.......arrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh!
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Hangin'
I say "you are using" rarely. He could be laying in his own vomit looking up with crossed eyes and he would say "No I'm not" So what is the point.
The thing I find amusing is the nerve of these kids. She has had enough of living with you...she is moving out...but you are to pay for an apartment?? Think what our own parents would have said to that!!
Hugs,
JT
I say "you are using" rarely. He could be laying in his own vomit looking up with crossed eyes and he would say "No I'm not" So what is the point.
The thing I find amusing is the nerve of these kids. She has had enough of living with you...she is moving out...but you are to pay for an apartment?? Think what our own parents would have said to that!!
Hugs,
JT
Southern through and through
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
You are so right, JT. The nerve they exhibit! There is not a logical or rational thing about my daughter right now.
And Live.......you kill me! In the midst of all my S*&@# going on, I laughed outloud. Thanks! I'll make it. I might look like the devil from all the stress, but I'll make it!....
.....
And Live.......you kill me! In the midst of all my S*&@# going on, I laughed outloud. Thanks! I'll make it. I might look like the devil from all the stress, but I'll make it!....
..... Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Hangin",
It WASN'T a joke! That IS what he says!!!! hahahahahaha
So do we wonder where I got my mouth from?
Sleeping in the car will get old. You know it. Especially when you run out of gas to change the scenery.!
Like we said earlier, for our own sake's sometimes it is better not to know. I sure ain't calling to check up today!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Hangin' in.
You're not ignoring the elephant. For pete's sake you gave it a room of it's own. You don't have to give your daughter the whys and wherefores of how you spend your money. Your boundaries are for you.
Hugs!
You're not ignoring the elephant. For pete's sake you gave it a room of it's own. You don't have to give your daughter the whys and wherefores of how you spend your money. Your boundaries are for you.
Hugs!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hangin'
When I stopped giving my son money, the phrase I used was "I don't have any money". Even an addict can understand that one. I didn't judge what he needed the money for, I just simply stated that I didn't have any. It left no room for discussion, or pleading.
Sometimes I followed it with "but I'm sure you'll work something out".
The thing is, they WILL find a way. It was no picnic watching my son live on the street, but he didn't live there long. He is presently back in detox, clean almost 3 weeks, and probably getting into a program this week. Had I given him money, he would still be living on the street, or living in my home using and driving us both crazy.
It seems important for you to let her know that you KNOW, but trust me, Hangin', she knows that even when you don't say a word. You see, it doesn't matter if we "know", or "catch them", or play drug detective....it doesn't matter even one little bit. What matter is that "they" know", and they will get help when we stop providing cushions for their fall.
My hugs and prayers go out for you, and I'm only giving a little bunny slipper nudge to encourage you to stop participating in her chaos. Stand back, do nothing, and wait....God will paint you a picture soon enough.
P.S. I am also praying that you are not in the tornado area. What a tragedy, and I pray that all our people here are safe.
When I stopped giving my son money, the phrase I used was "I don't have any money". Even an addict can understand that one. I didn't judge what he needed the money for, I just simply stated that I didn't have any. It left no room for discussion, or pleading.
Sometimes I followed it with "but I'm sure you'll work something out".
The thing is, they WILL find a way. It was no picnic watching my son live on the street, but he didn't live there long. He is presently back in detox, clean almost 3 weeks, and probably getting into a program this week. Had I given him money, he would still be living on the street, or living in my home using and driving us both crazy.
It seems important for you to let her know that you KNOW, but trust me, Hangin', she knows that even when you don't say a word. You see, it doesn't matter if we "know", or "catch them", or play drug detective....it doesn't matter even one little bit. What matter is that "they" know", and they will get help when we stop providing cushions for their fall.
My hugs and prayers go out for you, and I'm only giving a little bunny slipper nudge to encourage you to stop participating in her chaos. Stand back, do nothing, and wait....God will paint you a picture soon enough.
P.S. I am also praying that you are not in the tornado area. What a tragedy, and I pray that all our people here are safe.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Hangin,
Oh how I can relate to the "I don't want them to think they are getting away with anything!!!" I am JUST like you in that department! BUT as I know that you know......it doesn't make a difference if we let them know we are aware. You know and I know they aren't going to do any different because they've been "made" and WE KNOW that WE can't guilt them into it. Stick with what you know and try not to let that little voice that is in your head screaming "what do you think I'm STUPID!?!?!?!?!" take over and make you do something you will regret. Stay busy and stick to your guns.........my prayers are heading your way!
Constant
Oh how I can relate to the "I don't want them to think they are getting away with anything!!!" I am JUST like you in that department! BUT as I know that you know......it doesn't make a difference if we let them know we are aware. You know and I know they aren't going to do any different because they've been "made" and WE KNOW that WE can't guilt them into it. Stick with what you know and try not to let that little voice that is in your head screaming "what do you think I'm STUPID!?!?!?!?!" take over and make you do something you will regret. Stay busy and stick to your guns.........my prayers are heading your way!
Constant
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