Grace

He has a new girlfriend already.
She's in the house that was supposed to be OUR home, she's using my furniture, and
probably sleeping in our bed. I'm sorry but I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't hurt.
I'm sure it's in the early phase of the relationship. I remember that.
I'm sitting here at my computer feeling sorry for myself.
He treated me like sh*t and no one knows that better than I do.
It's been less than a month, so how long does it take?
I am not a patient person. Hate to admit it.
I took him back after a few months the last time, and I absolutely refuse
to EVER go back to that life again.

My mom is sleeping, my dog is sleeping, and I suddenly feel very lonely.
I apologize for having a pity party, but I sure could use some shoulders right now.

Grace

Pick-a-name

I'm sorry you are feeling that way,Grace. I've been there;heck,I'm STILL there some days. It hurts. Glad you are here....wish I could give you a big hug.

Pamper yourself a little extra....you do deserve it!

chero

So sorry, Grace!!

But glad to hear that you are resolved to take care of YOU!!

Hugs and Prayers! Cheryl

Sunflower

you are not alone Grace--I am right there with you in spirit----of course you hurt-he was cruel and took advantage of you---its alright to have anger mixed with sadness--you have such a big heart--you will survive this.....

dollydo

Grace,

I must admit, I am always so amazed at how quickly they move on. Makes me think they have no real ability to love, to care about others.

You are grieving, this will take time.

We are here for you. Tomorrows another day, make it a special one, for you.

WantsOut

Grace, many people need someone, anyone, there to pick up the pieces. If they've come so far so fast in the "relationship" you know it's shallow - real love doesn't work that way.

He has found an enabler - that's all.

I'm thinking of you tonight. Feel better.

denny57

He hasn't moved on; he is stuck in his disease. Take care of you Grace. The hurt will ease - greatly - believe me, as you make the best life possible for yourself.

FormerDoormat

My shoulder is available. You're not alone. You're surrounded by people who care about you. Things will get better soon. I promise.

embraced2000

grace....he has not replaced you, he has just found someone who will continue to let his alcoholism flourish. i understand how badly this hurts....and it does get better with time.

it happened to me, too. and i was so confused about the love that he and i had shared.....how could he toss it away like that?

but, it's what they do, sweets....it's just what they do.

much love to you
jeri

MsGolightly

grace, i know how much it hurts, but everyone who's posted above me is right. you were with him for many years, and i highly doubt anything you've given him could be "replaced." he just wants someone else to suck the life out of before he moves onto someone else yet again. he isn't healthy, so he's incapable of having a healthy relationship, no matter what it might look like from the outside.

embraced2000

i think they want to try to fit into real life and appear "normal".....it is "normal" to have someone to be involved with.....makes him look like nothing is wrong.

i found that my xh was a master at mimicing by watching other peoples reactions to things. it's a hard thing to describe. but it was very weird.

WhatAboutME

Grace, I too know from experience how much it hurts when they run into the arms of someone else. It's not you, it's the disease. I know you probably won't find a great deal of comfort in that right now, but you will, someday. I'm still waiting for that someday too. But for now, (((hugs)))).

lilac

(((Grace))) So sorry you are going through this.

He hasn't replaced you.........sounds like he doesn't want to be alone in his miserable little world. I know it hurts like H*&^, but remember................the situation you left is now gonna be hers (whether she knows it yet or not). You don't want to go back to that, now do you?

Much love to you.

mallowcup

That's probably the part they "loved" about us. In their lives, we are the face of normalcy, stability and "my alcohol doesnt' show". They had us to cover it up 24/7.
Oops, when we're gone they notice that their slip is showing. They look for a replacement fast. It seems they either hook up with a bar girl and think it's some kind of destiny they met, or they tell their version of a sob story to someone just like us. They don't love, they need and call it love when they meet someone willing. This woman isn't special to him, she is just available. What hurts is to be replaced so fast.
Even though we look back at those things they said that we thought were loving, they weren't, we just needed them to be. If you think back to the things he said to you, I think you may realize now that they were pleas for you to meet his needs.
"Please don't go". "Please let me come home". "I can't make it without you".
We hear, "I love you", in those statements.
I guess as we look back we realize that what was really said was this, " I need for you to make me the center of your universe, to sweep up after me, settle for nothing, sit alone, live in poverty and bail me out, forgive the cheating, the money spending, the pee and vomit, cover for me, pick me up....please!"
When they have totally spent a person, they move on. They aren't selective.

Grace

Thank you so much EVERYONE! I know this is going to take awhile. There's something about the nights and the weekends. You'd think I would hate the weekends....that's when he got drunk and abusive.

I went there this morning to pick up some of my things. He gave me permission to get some of the smaller things. I went early, so he wouldn't be drunk. Oh-h-h-....the dogs were so happy to see me, and I was happy to see them too. I went with the attitude that I was going to be very upbeat and pleasant. I wasn't there 5 minutes before he started yelling at me. "You got your front tire too close to the sidewalk!" He started yelling, "Can't you do anything right? Why can't you ever listen?" Then shortly after that, he accused me of taking the battery out of the remote control for the TV. I also had to sweep the porch off before I left. According to him, he had just cleaned it. Thank goodnes I gave him some of the clothespins back.

Before I left I thanked him for allowing me to get some more of my stuff and as I drove away I thanked God for showing me WHY I LEFT!!!

Thank you for all the supportive words. I know that I'll have some lonely nights. This has been a big change for me, but I'll get through it. Thanks for the shoulders and the kind words.

Grace

lillian

i'm glad you had a chance to see the reality- i too am heartbroken and crying and feeling like a big loser for doing it-- and i was left for another woman 4 months ago-- and a year and a half before that for another woman- (it's extra special to let yourself get dumped TWICE by the same newly person)-- both younger, beautiful--not sad or insecure-- but i tend to remember the good things and beat myself up-- like you, it's good to revisit the reality of the matter-- which in your case, he sounds like a very sick man- scared and crazy. in my case, i keep thinking he's sober, he has friends, new and old-and he left me, so i must not be valuable like those people. but i don't think that's the whole reality. my thinking gets so clouded. i love this board though- there are people rooting for you, who have done this-- makes me feel like i can do it too. maybe...

Sunflower

so glad you saw again what you are not missing!!!!!!!

embraced2000

grace, gee.....now you have started taking batteries???? where will it stop with you?

one time my xh was yelling at me about parking too closely to the post on our carport....he was in one of those ranting moods. i was driving, and after hours of him picking the meat from my bones, i just couldn't take it any longer.

so i put the car in reverse, he looked at me reallll funny, and i parked the car right up against the post so he couldn't get out. then i looked at him and said....now THAT, my lovey, IS PARKING TOO DAMN CLOSE!!!!!

they get so ridiculous.....and of course, i did too. i got to the point i was acting as stupid as he was....tit for tat. no one ever won.

keep strong....we are all here for you

IO Storm

Grace.....

You left for good reason..but as a woman who's been there...

My BF had sex with a girl in AA...3 weeks after I left.

And then said he had been "in love with" another for two years..

And had an internet relationship going...all in recovery!!!

I just kept relapsing because I resented recovery..how silly is

that?

The hurt affects our self esteem...how we could be replaced so

soon...

But as Sunflower shared..you got to see what you're missing!

Not to wear you folks thin with this but....

Daddy said when I was dumped years ago...

"there's always more fish in the sea".

You deserve a good fish.


Love,



Sherry

fluffyflea

Grace,

Siigghhh they are just so pathetic......

By the way are you a kleptomaniac????????

Now you are into batteries in remotes??????


Earthworm