off the wagon
 

Where did that stupid term come from anyway?!?

Well, it's official. I go out, he drank. He made a full 25 days.

You know what else is crazy. I don't react to him or the news of finding out, which he expected. I just told him that it's okay, I don't care. He has to do what he thinks is right for him, etc...

You know what he told me, I guess it's time to go our own ways.

I said why do you say that.

He said if you stop caring then what's the point.

sorry chero--you never can tell--looks like he couldnt do it--and you getting smarter and stronger about his disease is scaring the heck out of him no doubt
!!!
You did well today on your own plus in dealing with him...he is trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty for going out--another excuse to drink! ((((HUGS))))

wow chero .. im sorry .. im also so glad that you have become so strong . you are surely a different chero today than you were 25 days ago ! Stay positive !
One day at a time

well...when we stop caring so much about what they are doing or not doing, it takes the focus off of them and they don't get all of the attention they need because they are so selfish. (this forum is opening my eyes...can you tell???) :) it also means that you are more focused on you, which is what you should be! :) keep on taking care of YOU! prayers....

:(
Thanks! It's still sucks!

Yes it does--don't let it get you down though--I am still rooting for you!!

ugh, chero, i remember what that was like. i remember thinking the whole time i was out, my A was drinking. man, and then having to come home to see it, double ugh.

i doubt he means what he says about going your separate ways, but maybe this is a good time for you to take some time for yourself?

it totally sucks! you will be ok, though!!!!

it's the codi/alki cycle Chero...

You are making dicisions without him.
Detach... detach...detach

I think I heard a variation of those same words about 30 times. My Ahusband was very self absorbed and did not like the idea of me living my own life .. he had to be the center of attention one way or the other. His shooting back an ultimatum was his way of getting me to react and getting pulled back into his drama. They seem to miss the fact that if they would stop drinking and get their lives in order ... we wouldn't have to detach .. we only do it so that we can survive while surrounded by insanity.

chero, just a big HUG, you did well.

You know, maybe it is time we called an end to it??? It's been 12 long years!

I just wish he'd leave first. What makes me feel that way?? Why can't I just go if I want to go....

:(

I'm sorry chero. I remember when you posted that your husband had not drank in 10days and I responded that mine also had been sober for exactly 10 days, and that the 10th day was actually his LAST day of sobriety. It's been none-stop since.

"I just wish he'd leave first. What makes me feel that way?? Why can't I just go if I want to go..."

I said the same EXACT thing to a therapist during a family counseling session when my husband was in his last inpatient rehab about 6 weeks ago. And she said "Exactly". Maybe we'd feel less guilt if they left us. I don't know. I think it says something about how we feel about ourselves and what we are willing to expose ourselves to. Over the years, we become desensitized to the insanity and lose touch with ourselves, our needs and our own self-worth. I know I have not been perfect in our marriage or the handling of his alcoholism. I guess I have come to feel that I don't deserve much better. Who else would put up with MY flaws/mistakes?

The answer to the question is simple. You're just not ready yet. If his drinking continues, I'm sure you'll do what is best for you, when you're ready.

Wow! So much said in one little sentence. It's funny, through all of the lies they do "tell the truth" in little ways like this. What's more, they don't realize it and if we haven't started recovery, this stuff sounds as though there is something wrong with us - instead of sending us a clear indication of just how sick they have become.

Chero this very well could be a turning point for him:
Him saying if you stop caring then what is the point, he may have been saying to himself more then to you. He may be seeing that you are no longer going to help him continue to drink, he may finally see that he is truly going to have to decide whether he wants to be all alone with his bottle or stop drinking and start to live life again.

I am feeling like this to my AH lastest episode involved me calling an ambulence at 7.30 am this morning as he thought he was having a heart attack.......yeah vodka and coke binge? I currrently dont know what has happened to him, I went to the hospital and all I kept thinking here we are again, the last time was xmas and although he has made alot pf progress its claerly not enough....hes still trying to do it his way! anyway the docs where doign there test and he ask me to stay to see if it was serious then I said to him I have to go, and I just walked out, I have to go to work, this cant affect me, my job, so I left and I felt at peice about it and not bad, a little worried obviously about hi but I cant do anything?? what is the point of me standing there again .......I think he was a tlittle shocked but I felt I had to do it, Im not giving this any form of attention, ill give him attention when he works on his recovery but not when hes harming himself!!

with my xh, it was all about his career....with his bottle. i was the catalyst he needed to continue his successful drinking career.....and trust me, that was the only career he had by this time. he needed me for food, shelter, clothing, and money.

that was it. the cold, hard, truth. he could feign affection when he needed sex. but that was just one more job he had to do in order to keep his career going.

Sounds like my exA. Putting the responsibility onto you.

Tazman is so right. Most of what they say about us is actually a reflection on themselves. I just love the sticky by Tazman. Can it be any clearer?

My exA is still trying to control me. He called and started telling me where he thinks I should store my belongings. Surprisingly enough....he wants the big items left there

The mindgames are incredibly difficult.

"You know what else is crazy. I don't react to him or the news of finding out, which he expected. I just told him that it's okay, I don't care. He has to do what he thinks is right for him, etc..."

IMO.....you are doing a great job of detaching.

Take care, Chero!
Grace
(a/k/a "Runs With Clothespins")

I'm trying to hold it together long enough to just get out of the door and head to work this morning.

He's pouting because he is going to see his probation ofcr for the first time today and why didn't I get him a money order. He guesses he'll just have to do it himself!

I just keep repeating what you all said, "Detach! Detach! Detach!" and please let me get out of the door before I start crying!!!

I'm sorry, that youre going through this, cuz it hurts like hell.
Chero...it's another new day for you.

You didn't cuase him to drink...you went to the movies.
Little steps...but it a mile stone.

don't fall back in the trap
it's not him...it's the disease you're seeing.
let him pout in his own crap. The same old crap.
money order...that's his problem..
They sell money orders at the stores too beside beer